Asides

You know what’s funny about hating your body? The way you prioritize things. I never, never shopped for anything fashionable, partly because at the time affordable plus size clothing was still… well, a train wreck, but also because I just wanted to buy things that were comfortable and safe.

There were more expensive options back then that were slightly more youthful, but honestly, I didn’t have the money and I just didn’t feel worth it. I had this mantra that I would rather my kids look nice, even if that meant I looked like shit. Even if that meant I didn’t even have… a coat. I live in Ohio, we have a term here called “lake effect,” and up until three days ago, all I owned to get me through the winter was a 4X men’s fleece jacket I bought when I was nine months pregnant five years ago.

Almost every circumstance in my life has changed, but in my brain, I just didn’t feel like me having a winter coat was a priority over everything else everybody else probably needed.

Then lands’ End offered to send me a new Luxe Wool coat from their fall line, and still I was like, ummmm do I really need this?

Do I really need this!?

Brittany, STOP IT. Aside from the basic fact that yes, I need a coat, FLU SHOTS ARE NOT WINTER COATS, this is just another first in this whole valuing myself thing, and it feels damn good. Literally… because it’s cold outside right now, and we spent the weekend at pumpkin patches and looking at the leaves in the fields behind my parent’s house, and it’s nice to do those things without the wind cutting through your clothing and all your armpit hair growing back out of cave-woman like instinct.

Luxe Wool Scoopneck Coat in Juniper Green, size 16
Feeling super warm, and super worth it right now.

As stated above, this coat came to me courtesy Lands’ End, my opinions and smooth armpits are my own.

 

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This weekend we saw Pitch Perfect. Now, I won’t go into the part how after the movie I was too tipsy to drive home, so while sitting in my car waiting for Andy to show up, I called Meredith because the old lady sitting in the car next to me was licking her lips because I accidentally looked at her when I said the word “pussy.” Because that story is humiliating. So, let’s just talk about the movie.

Actually I can’t, because there were too many favorite parts, so it would just be me, C&P’ing the entire script here. It was… hilarious. Like so funny, I had to look around every time I almost peed my pants to make sure it was in fact, that funny, and I wasn’t accidentally high. I wasn’t, and it was. There were actually no characters that I hated. Rebel Wilson? Goddess. Adam DeVine? Douche-tacular. Anna Kendrick? Bella Swan sucks.

It was like the best episode of Glee that never aired. It was all the epic mash-up goodness without all the angst and puberty.

Aca-suck it, Schuester. Team Fat Amy.

Here’s what happened this week:

Here’s some cool shit I saw online:

Christopher Walken, Colin Farrell and Sam Rockwell read from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. I laughed until I realized PEOPLE EAT KETCHUP AND MELTED BUTTER ON THEIR NOODLES IN REAL LIFE!? I couldn’t take a hot enough shower to wash that away.


I can’t even actually tell you why this was funny, but it was and I watched it for 6 minutes.

I have been trying to find all the Halloween stuff I watched as a kid to show mine, because I just feel like overall, we should have the same level of emotional traumatization and scarring. I can’t seem to locate Mr. Boogedy, which I totally remember having nightmares about, but I was able to find Disney’s Halloween Haunts, a collection of old timey Disney Halloween shorts that I recall watching every year. Unfortunately, it was only available on VHS, and the thought of waiting for something to, like, rewind? Makes me want to rock myself to sleep in my closet while instantly downloading apps on my iPhone. WHAT THE FUCK HALLOWEEN!? Bring back all the good shows!

Until then we’re stuck watching Halloween town and pretending we didn’t notice they changed girls between movies three and four, also, you can watch Disney’s Halloween Haunts on youtube.. Part 1, Part 2 IS MISSING, Part 3.

To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and follow me throughout the day on Instagram @BrittanyHerself!

 

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Ladies, I want to read about your bodies.

Curvy Girl Guide is about giving us a platform to talk about our lives, and I want to hear about yours.

Your struggles, insecurities, experiences, victories, commentary on society… you feel it, I want it.

Raw, real, honest, funny, gut-wrenching, poignant.

What are you waiting for?

Send articles or pitch ideas to brittanyherself@gmail.com

I’d love to feature you!

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Well, until a certain someone releases a certain Wallbanger in November… I devoured three books I’ve mentioned here and there but am dying to chat with y’all about.

The Siren, Tiffany Reisz
The Siren was a long book, which made me so excited, because I fly through books at the speed of light, so I really appreciated having something big to dig into. First of all, this book is brilliantly written. The characters are amazing and the witty banter is perfection. The plot was HUGE. Like, I had no idea where it was going, and it left me equally laughing my ass off and saying WTF JUST HAPPENED!? I really don’t want to give anything away here, but once you get to the plot twist, and you look up from the book going… um ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Chat with me, I’m dying to talk about it. This series is kinda like The DaVinci Code but with more porn… if that’s even possible, right!?  This book is part of a series, but I feel like while it ends with a cliff hanger, she does it in a way that doesn’t leave me wanting to murder people from a clock tower.
Tip: After you read this book, check out Tiffany’s site, she has TONS of freebies and prequel short stories for you to devour and they are AMAZING. But you have to read this book first.

The Angel, Tiffany Reisz
The Angel is the sequel to The Siren. Oh man. If The Siren left you thinking WHAT THE FUCK, The Angel is going to feel all kinds of wrong. Like, I need a Holy Water flavored enema, wrong. But the book is so fucking good, it made me ok with the fact that it’s twisted on so many delicious levels. The Angel continues with the main characters of The Siren. Nora, S(fancy o)ren, Griffin, Kingsley, and um… that one underage boy omg. The plot is totally changed up, you have no idea where it’s going, and just when you think it’s over, bam, punch to the face ending. I am now dying for book 3, the Prince, which comes out next month. I shall sit on my hands ’til then. Ahem.

Reflected In You, Sylvia Day
Alright, let’s talk about this. So I loved Bared to You, even more than I loved Fifty Shades. The story line is really similar, but I just feel Bared is better written. Reflected In You continues to be better, mechanically, but holy shit did I hate this book for the entire first half. I almost put it down all, fuck it, I’ll reread Fifty. It was almost over written, it was enraging, I couldn’t follow the story line and I kept getting confused trying to remember where Bared To You left off. Eva was a little much in this book, even Anastasia Steele isn’t this ridiculous, and she is one of my top five most annoying characters of all time. But, I stuck with it because I enjoy Gideon and really want to see what his story is, and I will say, the second half of the book got a lot better. By the end, I was happy to see where it went, and all I can say is, Sylvia Day better hurry up with book three, because she currently has my attention, but with so many Fifty similarities, if too much time passes, it just all blends together in this fucked up Gideon-Christian-Eva-Ana orgy/therapy session.

Want to talk about more books? Great, I read lots of them!

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It’s getting festive up in here!

I have all the kid’s costumes ordered, save for Jude who refuses to give up the desire to be the invisible man this year. Which wouldn’t be impossible if he’d just go with my concept for a conceptual version, instead of demanding I somehow locate the cape Harry Potter wore.

Dude, if I had an invisibility cape, you wouldn’t see me right now. I’d be naked, in the corner, watching AbFab with noise canceling headphones on. I certainly wouldn’t waste it on a child’s Halloween costume.

Here’s what happened this week:

Cool shit I saw online:

Mom names. Turns out I have one. Get ready to have your day ruined.


I’m basically addicted to like every single episode of these.

The best tourism website ever!

Is it irony if I own this?

I totally loved this show.

I also want to pass along two important links from two amazing readers. First, Ashley Weeks Cart is featuring a gut wrenching post written by her father, in honor of a friend who experienced an unimaginable loss. Second, Elizabeth Siegrest pointed me toward her amazing friend, Kenley, who is currently knee-deep in giving cancer a well deserved ass kicking. This woman is a her, check her out.

To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and follow me throughout the day on Instagram @BrittanyHerself!

 

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