Asides

This weekend we saw Pitch Perfect. Now, I won’t go into the part how after the movie I was too tipsy to drive home, so while sitting in my car waiting for Andy to show up, I called Meredith because the old lady sitting in the car next to me was licking her lips because I accidentally looked at her when I said the word “pussy.” Because that story is humiliating. So, let’s just talk about the movie.

Actually I can’t, because there were too many favorite parts, so it would just be me, C&P’ing the entire script here. It was… hilarious. Like so funny, I had to look around every time I almost peed my pants to make sure it was in fact, that funny, and I wasn’t accidentally high. I wasn’t, and it was. There were actually no characters that I hated. Rebel Wilson? Goddess. Adam DeVine? Douche-tacular. Anna Kendrick? Bella Swan sucks.

It was like the best episode of Glee that never aired. It was all the epic mash-up goodness without all the angst and puberty.

Aca-suck it, Schuester. Team Fat Amy.

Here’s what happened this week:

Here’s some cool shit I saw online:

Christopher Walken, Colin Farrell and Sam Rockwell read from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. I laughed until I realized PEOPLE EAT KETCHUP AND MELTED BUTTER ON THEIR NOODLES IN REAL LIFE!? I couldn’t take a hot enough shower to wash that away.


I can’t even actually tell you why this was funny, but it was and I watched it for 6 minutes.

I have been trying to find all the Halloween stuff I watched as a kid to show mine, because I just feel like overall, we should have the same level of emotional traumatization and scarring. I can’t seem to locate Mr. Boogedy, which I totally remember having nightmares about, but I was able to find Disney’s Halloween Haunts, a collection of old timey Disney Halloween shorts that I recall watching every year. Unfortunately, it was only available on VHS, and the thought of waiting for something to, like, rewind? Makes me want to rock myself to sleep in my closet while instantly downloading apps on my iPhone. WHAT THE FUCK HALLOWEEN!? Bring back all the good shows!

Until then we’re stuck watching Halloween town and pretending we didn’t notice they changed girls between movies three and four, also, you can watch Disney’s Halloween Haunts on youtube.. Part 1, Part 2 IS MISSING, Part 3.

To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and follow me throughout the day on Instagram @BrittanyHerself!

 

7 comments

Ladies, I want to read about your bodies.

Curvy Girl Guide is about giving us a platform to talk about our lives, and I want to hear about yours.

Your struggles, insecurities, experiences, victories, commentary on society… you feel it, I want it.

Raw, real, honest, funny, gut-wrenching, poignant.

What are you waiting for?

Send articles or pitch ideas to brittanyherself@gmail.com

I’d love to feature you!

6 comments

Well, until a certain someone releases a certain Wallbanger in November… I devoured three books I’ve mentioned here and there but am dying to chat with y’all about.

The Siren, Tiffany Reisz
The Siren was a long book, which made me so excited, because I fly through books at the speed of light, so I really appreciated having something big to dig into. First of all, this book is brilliantly written. The characters are amazing and the witty banter is perfection. The plot was HUGE. Like, I had no idea where it was going, and it left me equally laughing my ass off and saying WTF JUST HAPPENED!? I really don’t want to give anything away here, but once you get to the plot twist, and you look up from the book going… um ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Chat with me, I’m dying to talk about it. This series is kinda like The DaVinci Code but with more porn… if that’s even possible, right!?  This book is part of a series, but I feel like while it ends with a cliff hanger, she does it in a way that doesn’t leave me wanting to murder people from a clock tower.
Tip: After you read this book, check out Tiffany’s site, she has TONS of freebies and prequel short stories for you to devour and they are AMAZING. But you have to read this book first.

The Angel, Tiffany Reisz
The Angel is the sequel to The Siren. Oh man. If The Siren left you thinking WHAT THE FUCK, The Angel is going to feel all kinds of wrong. Like, I need a Holy Water flavored enema, wrong. But the book is so fucking good, it made me ok with the fact that it’s twisted on so many delicious levels. The Angel continues with the main characters of The Siren. Nora, S(fancy o)ren, Griffin, Kingsley, and um… that one underage boy omg. The plot is totally changed up, you have no idea where it’s going, and just when you think it’s over, bam, punch to the face ending. I am now dying for book 3, the Prince, which comes out next month. I shall sit on my hands ’til then. Ahem.

Reflected In You, Sylvia Day
Alright, let’s talk about this. So I loved Bared to You, even more than I loved Fifty Shades. The story line is really similar, but I just feel Bared is better written. Reflected In You continues to be better, mechanically, but holy shit did I hate this book for the entire first half. I almost put it down all, fuck it, I’ll reread Fifty. It was almost over written, it was enraging, I couldn’t follow the story line and I kept getting confused trying to remember where Bared To You left off. Eva was a little much in this book, even Anastasia Steele isn’t this ridiculous, and she is one of my top five most annoying characters of all time. But, I stuck with it because I enjoy Gideon and really want to see what his story is, and I will say, the second half of the book got a lot better. By the end, I was happy to see where it went, and all I can say is, Sylvia Day better hurry up with book three, because she currently has my attention, but with so many Fifty similarities, if too much time passes, it just all blends together in this fucked up Gideon-Christian-Eva-Ana orgy/therapy session.

Want to talk about more books? Great, I read lots of them!

22 comments

It’s getting festive up in here!

I have all the kid’s costumes ordered, save for Jude who refuses to give up the desire to be the invisible man this year. Which wouldn’t be impossible if he’d just go with my concept for a conceptual version, instead of demanding I somehow locate the cape Harry Potter wore.

Dude, if I had an invisibility cape, you wouldn’t see me right now. I’d be naked, in the corner, watching AbFab with noise canceling headphones on. I certainly wouldn’t waste it on a child’s Halloween costume.

Here’s what happened this week:

Cool shit I saw online:

Mom names. Turns out I have one. Get ready to have your day ruined.


I’m basically addicted to like every single episode of these.

The best tourism website ever!

Is it irony if I own this?

I totally loved this show.

I also want to pass along two important links from two amazing readers. First, Ashley Weeks Cart is featuring a gut wrenching post written by her father, in honor of a friend who experienced an unimaginable loss. Second, Elizabeth Siegrest pointed me toward her amazing friend, Kenley, who is currently knee-deep in giving cancer a well deserved ass kicking. This woman is a her, check her out.

To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and follow me throughout the day on Instagram @BrittanyHerself!

 

7 comments

This Halloween is different that the Halloweens of years past. It marks the first time in six years we’re actually consciously decorating for the holiday, and I say consciously because the great spider infestation of 2010 took care of a lot of that for us with little to know effort on our part.

The thing is, we have a parenting strategy that basically has us running around putting out fires all day, leaving only small amounts of down time in which we can phone in all the other crap. Like baking non refrigerated cubes of cookies and making the house appear festive on the holidays.

But the thing is, our kids are starting to make memories and the cognitive ability to call us out on our shit. We had a good run, Andy and I, but the vacation is over, and we’re going to have to take this family shit to the next level.

Decorating for Halloween has actually been a really fun experience for me, as it’s my favorite Holiday. I blame the cool weather, candy corn and my desire to be Sandra Bullock in Practical Magic.

The kids have been really excited to decorate pumpkins, but you and I both know that carving a pumpkin this early means a fruit fly infested rotting corpse on your front porch in two weeks time.

So, I decided to take another approach…glitter. Even though I would rather spend an afternoon listening to Avril Lavigne read me Eat, Pray, Love than fish a piece of glitter out of my contact lens, it was worth it….for the kids.

Glitter Pumpkins Two Ways

Here’s what you’ll need:
Pumpkins (We used real ones.)
Spray Adhesive
Craft Glue
Glitter
Small Paint Brushes

The first pumpkin we made was an all over glitter fest. Take the pumpkin outside, coat with a layer of spray adhesive, and then begin the glitter assault. Gigi used a mix of purple and then pink glitter, because it adds more dimension.

TIP: Another reason to save those stupid clothing boxes from Christmas. Use half of them as a tray for crafts. Glitter, play dough, paint… they catch it all and prevent a mess. Gigi is glittering in the bottom half of an Ikea lamp box. We’re basically saving the planet with our art.

I decided to take a different approach with my pumpkin, and paint on glue to create a swirly design.

I used the bottle of craft glue to outline my design with a thin line of glue.

Then I used a paint brush to begin filling in the shape with extra glue and commenced glitter time.

The end result are some really cool pumpkins that cost way less to make than buying those already decorated fake ones, plus it keeps your kids occupied for at least two glasses of wine, depending on how fast you drink.

 

23 comments