Fun fact: Andy and I have a dream to move to New Jersey.

I know.

New Jersey.

But, it’s true.

We are big New Jersey fans, even though we have never been there, only know one other family there, and have no idea what language they speak or anything about their customs.We just enjoy ogling their real estate.

And even though Andy will totally deny this when asked, we both love Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Put your balls away, Andy. I am sure lots of other heterosexual guys watch it.

The fact is, it’s the only franchise I can even tolerate anymore.

Orange County and Beverly Hills freak me out. They’re just this weird collection of inner tube lipped cyborgs cackling and throwing drinks at each other.

Atlanta is boring.

New York used to be my favorite, but now it’s become like a non stop version of Irrelevant has Talent.

Have you tried my PINOT GRIGIO?

I have not, have you heard my new single, Money Can’t Buy You Non-Kathleen Turner Vocal Chords?

I did, I just bought it off iTunes.  And please don’t forget to buy my new sexy compression garments.  They’re better than Spanx because they have lace on them, and the crotch hole isn’t just for peeing, but also for intercourse. That’s the difference between me and Spanx, you know, being able to feel sexy in the sausage casing you wear to not have your fat rolls show. Oh, and the intercourse hole.

But, while New Jersey is commercializing a bit along the way, with Teresa’s cookbook and Melissa’s single, they still have real life story lines and drama.  And, I need that. Drama I can relate to should I ever accidentally get a DUI, murder someone or befriend an ex-stripper coke head psychopath.

I miss Danielle. Just kidding. Her face looked like a panther.

Current RHONJ Favorite: Melissa.  I was Team Teresa, but she wouldn’t follow me back on twitter or answer my emails.  Whatever, Giudice.

 

 

 

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