Fun fact: Andy and I have a dream to move to New Jersey.
I know.
New Jersey.
But, it’s true.
We are big New Jersey fans, even though we have never been there, only know one other family there, and have no idea what language they speak or anything about their customs.We just enjoy ogling their real estate.
And even though Andy will totally deny this when asked, we both love Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Put your balls away, Andy. I am sure lots of other heterosexual guys watch it.
The fact is, it’s the only franchise I can even tolerate anymore.
Orange County and Beverly Hills freak me out. They’re just this weird collection of inner tube lipped cyborgs cackling and throwing drinks at each other.
Atlanta is boring.
New York used to be my favorite, but now it’s become like a non stop version of Irrelevant has Talent.
Have you tried my PINOT GRIGIO™?
I have not, have you heard my new single, Money Can’t Buy You Non-Kathleen Turner Vocal Chords™?
I did, I just bought it off iTunes. And please don’t forget to buy my new sexy compression garments. They’re better than Spanx because they have lace on them, and the crotch hole isn’t just for peeing, but also for intercourse. That’s the difference between me and Spanx, you know, being able to feel sexy in the sausage casing you wear to not have your fat rolls show. Oh, and the intercourse hole™.
But, while New Jersey is commercializing a bit along the way, with Teresa’s cookbook and Melissa’s single, they still have real life story lines and drama. And, I need that. Drama I can relate to should I ever accidentally get a DUI, murder someone or befriend an ex-stripper coke head psychopath.
I miss Danielle. Just kidding. Her face looked like a panther.
Current RHONJ Favorite: Melissa. I was Team Teresa, but she wouldn’t follow me back on twitter or answer my emails. Whatever, Giudice.
I am a real live New Jersey-ian. The place kicks ass. It is a metropolis all its own.
But the most important part is the food. You will find no better bagels, diners, or bakeries. Every carnival and street fair offers fresh zeppolis. Do you even know what a hard roll is? Taylor Ham?
I have so much I can teach you.
Teresa seems different this year and I don’t know if it is b/c she has changed, or if because Danielle was so bat shit crazy, she made Teresa look normal.
I was Team Teresa too until this season. She seemed to have it under control and life figured out until this year. Guess it goes to show “you can’t judge a book by it’s cover” (or the authenticity of it’s recipes).
Okay Brittany. I don’t want to piss in your wheaties, but …
Have you ever driven in NJ??? One word: jughandles. Do you know what that means? Because when I was following my friend’s directions to get to the hotel for her bridal shower, I was all “We’re supposed to look for the jughandle. WTF is a jughandle? Does anyone know what a jughandle is??? OMG WE’RE F*CKING LOST IN JERSEY!!!”
Also, you can’t pump your own gas. Which sounds good in theory, but really just means you’re stuck in your car with screaming kids, you’re bladder’s going to burst, but there’s no way you’re getting out of line so you can go pee because when you’ve already been sitting there for 25 minutes and now there’re only 2 cars in front of you, you are NOT losing your effing place in line. *breathe breathe*
No lie, next to sit ups and waiting for food delivery, pumping gas is something I despise, so it’s totally a selling point for me.
Ahhhh New Jersey…..where New York sends its trash. HAHAHAHA
I miss Danielle for reals. I barely watched NJ this season. Boring!
you know i want you here, girl. i’ve lived elsewhere and always find my way back to NJ.
I *heart* New Jersey too. Good thing I LIVE here! And, yes, RHWONJ are the only franchise I watch, religiously.
Oh please, for the love of God don’t base what you thing of us on THAT show and the stereotypes. Most of us are perfectly nice normal people….expect the driving thing. Jughandles do suck though.
Oh I don’t! I just love BOTH New Jersey AND RHONJ.
And I am going to google jughnadles because I have no fucking idea what you guys are talking about.
SEE! GD Jughandles! Even the natives hate them!
ZOMG THE JUGHANDLES?! awful. *sigh*
So that’s what they’re called. Confused the daylights out of my honey (former truck driver I spent 6 months on the road with) and me to pieces one day. Being from the mid-west it was interesting to say the least!
Ohh, move to NJ – my parents and siblings will take AWESOME care of you guys! I’m born and bred NJ but since I married my NYker hubby, I live in Queens, NY. My parents speak Croatian so there may be a language barrier but they will love you like you are family, I promise! :)
I cannot stand Teresa and think she looks like a trainie and her hair line always SCREAMS! at me and frightens the hell out of me. True story – my sister had her engagement party at the Brownstone many moons ago and I met Caroline’s husband before this whole show thing and he is exactly as he is on the show – genuine.
I am a current NJ transplant. I never thought in a million years I’d live in NJ, and here I am with my NJ-native husband and now a house and two kids. And you know what? It’s OK! Suburbia is much the same all over. Our town is actually REALLY great and… a terrific school district! Please move here! And that Theresa person came and did a book signing at the Italian bakery in my actual town. I saw the flyer and had to ask who that orange woman was! Come live here and we can observe the natives.
Why is it that the city I live in is the boring one? I wholeheartedly agree…and refuse to watch Atlanta. Then again more boring=less people watching=even less people thinking we’re as crazy, rich and stuck up as the Atl housewives. I have a soft spot for all the other franchises though…my husband has a hard time believing I “waste” my time watching all the of it! What he doesn’t know is that I’m learning how NOT to act when I became rich one day…oh wait, that’ll NEVER happen!
As a fellow Atlantan, I second that entire post! I have seen about five minutes of the show before I had to turn it off.
the rich part? My SO is a firefighter, and I stay at home with the kids. Add to That I live on the southside (a part of Atlanta you will NEVER see on posh tv), and you get the idea of my stance… *le sigh*
Tell Andy he’s not the only dude watching RHONJ, my BF will only watch that one and OC for reasons I don’t really understand.
And wow, Danielle really *does* look like a panther. How did I not notice that before?
I live in PA. NJ isn’t just another state, its like another country. They have their own attitude, driving rules, and language. My MIL is from NJ, my husband was partially raised there, and lots of family live there…Oh, and we vacation there…
AND I AM TOTALLY TEAM MELISSA! She’s a total spoiled brat, but she admits it!
Also, Jughandles suck! And finally…more than ANY other, I am team MANZO! LOVE Caroline!
i lived in nj for two years and loved it there. it’s actually a really beautiful state. we seriously contemplated settling down there, but i got a job in fl first.
I LOVE RHONJ but I am not team teresa or melissa….although they do bring the drama! Not sooo sure I would want to live there, not a fan of cold weather (thank god my parents moved away from Ohio). I do watch RHOOC and still like it, I have watched from the beginning. Tried getting into the others but they suck. I agree with the rest of the women about RHOA, I live in the ATL and those women are NOT a good representation of housewives of atlanta. Believe me, I am one. I think they were trying to be politically correct if you get my drift…reaching out to a specific demographic that they havent with any other franchise. In, conclusion (sorry about the 5th grade research paper on The Real Housewives Franchise, ooohhh actually not a bad idea..) I MISS DANIELLE TOO!
I, too, used to love NY the best but have switched over to Jersey. So much more fun.
I’m going to clarify something…You love North Jersey. You know, the part with all the people on TV and stuff. South Jersey is practically another state, having grown up in Cape May County, I feel it can be a sensitive matter to some people and considering the specific Jersey aspects that you enjoy, I feel that South Jerz may be a little too tame for you. You know. With the farmland instead of psychotic housewives. Just throwing that out there.
I grew up in New Jersey until I moved away after college, and let me tell you, it RULED. I miss it everyday. There are awesome seasons, every kind of person, and tons to do. I grew up in northwest Jersey, and it was so quaint, it’s what dreams are made of. Granted, it was quite expensive, but the school public school systems are AMAZING, and the pizza, bagels, and real Italian Ice are worth it.
You still want to move to New Jersey, huh? Well, as a fellow Buckeye (originally from Bellefontaine….90 minutes south of Toledo) I am here to tell you to put up or shut up. You should move here. This weekend. As that fuckface Irene makes her way right for our house in Haddon Heights, NJ. Don’t get me wrong. We LOVE South Jersey. We hit NYC regularly for day trips. We are close to the shore and mountains, and D.C. But this hurricane has me VERY nervous. So we could use some Buckeye company. Come out this weekend for a visit. We could even all go looking for houses to buy. Since ours won’t be standing for long.