Of course, we all have a Celebrity to-do list. Mine is in serious need of updating, but I’m going to hold off until I see who is cast as Christian Grey and if Mike Rowe is going to continue making those boring-ass Ford commercials.
In the mean time, I’m coming off a pretty in depth television marathon, so I’ve decided to mix it up a bit and see which fictional characters I’d most like to have sex with. I’d say date, but honestly, I’m exhausted and Andy is totally not down with plural marriage.
Believe me, I’ve tried.
But think about all the stuff a brother-husband could do that you wouldn’t have to anymore. Take out the garbage, listen to me talk about my childhood, play with my hair, let me pop the zits on his back…
I’m still working on him, here are my top contenders.
My love for the bad boy of Hogwarts is well documented. I would do dirty, dirty things to any sorting hat willing to put me into his house. I could make any number of wand jokes here, but bottom line. Severus is a hottie. Always.
I feel like if I was born a boy, I’d have been born Michael Bluth. His boyish good looks and moments of pure disdain, I get that. I just want to move into his model home and take care of him with some hot ham water and full body massages after a long day at the banana stand.
Colin Firth is the OG Mr. Darcy, and in my opinion, the absolutely only Darcy that counts. He’s brooding and hard to read, which is basically foreplay for my brain. Plus, I’d like to just sit around in my underthings watching him post atop a horse for a couple hours.
Confession: I still watch the Dick Van Dyke show. And growing up, I always imagined my marriage would be exactly like Rob and Laura’s; hilarious and in which I would be the smart one. Rob was sexy and funny and made klutzy look hot way before Jack Tripper started falling through doorways.
It’s hard for me to pick my favorite Bill Murray character, because I love all the characters… except Garfield. So, I decided to pick one of the early ones that solidified my general attraction to this man. I’ve been having fantasies about Dr. Venkman and his proton pack since the 80’s. He was clearly the hottest Ghostbuster, and I’d really like to slime him. Okay, I said that joke out loud to Andy just now and he’s shaking his head, I however, find it to be hilarious.