Driving straight through the night from Florida the other day, Andy and I had a lot of couple time. Well, not that kind of couple time, there were kids sleeping in the back, and there was this giant center console, and the whole thing was just awkward.
So instead we talked about crap, and one of those craps was birthdays, which, if you are new here, consume the month of April. All our birthdays are in April, save for Jude who’s the first week of May. This is our fattest and brokest month, and by May 9th the thought of cake makes me want to projectile vomit everywhere.
But this chat wasn’t centered around kid birthdays, those are easy. It was for us. And we are, like, hella hard to buy for. We both say we need nothing, but what we really mean is boobs and vagina for him and travel and shiny things for me, and after much debate, we decide to combine those two things and give ourselves something we’ve never given each other before.
A romantic tropical vacation.
Prior to this moment, that would have been a nightmare for me. Like, we honeymooned in Vegas in December. I avoided warm weather like the plague. I used to say I hated beaches, but the truth is, I hated what beaches meant. Bathing suits and summer clothes; not chubby girl who hates herself friendly. But now? Well now this new Could Give two Shits Brittany wants a beach vacation with fruity drinks and wifi and pigs on spits and a king size bed and maybe even some friends. A couples retreat.
Also, we’re cold as fuck.
So, I need your input. Where do we go? All inclusive would be nice, just for ease purposes, plus I eat and drink a lot. I’d like the location to be relatively safe and not murdery. White sand and blue water would be lovely. Related: don’t forget, I refuse to go on boats so no cruises, I mean, I still hate the ocean, it’s a pit of nightmares.
What tropical location would you retreat to?