1. Fight. Pull hair. Scream. Slam doors. Say you hate each other in the heat of the moment. But when it comes to someone else doing any of these things to one of your siblings…eat their faces off.
2. Jude and Wyatt, please don’t date girls who order dry salads and packets of unsalted oysters crackers for dinner at fancy restaurants.
3. Gigi, order the lobster.
4. Boys, I know sometimes you wake up and it’s all weird and hard. Tell your dad about it. Not me.
5. Do not take pictures of your privates.
6. Do not take pictures of other people’s privates. Especially if it’s with a telescopic lens through a set of blinds.
7. You don’t have to go to college, but you do have to go to school today, and no, I have no idea where your other shoe is. I think it’s where you left it last (OMG this totally makes sense now!).
8. It’s totally cool if you still tell me you love me in public past the age of 10, I swear.
9. I’m going to say I love you out loud in public, regardless.
10. It doesn’t feel better without a condom. Seriously. I think they debunked that on Mythbusters. Please don’t make me a grandma.
Is that everything?
LoL, all of this makes sense. Number 10 especially. My oldest is almost 18 and I’m still not a grandmother. Or an impending one. I musta done something right.
“yet”…
I just might have to copy these rules and save them for when I have children!
Excellent idea, make sure they sign a copy from now until their 18th birthday.
I am sure I’ll have reason to go back on this soon enough, but I am so glad I don’t have boys.
Also, you should sell this like those 100 Things to Always Do (Buy candy from kids at the door, say thank you etc) that you see hanging in the bathroom.
This list is great! I recently had to deal with #4, and I basically told my 6-year-old the same thing. Too funny!
Love it. I wish I could send my son to his dad on those mornings, but he would just get blown off (or told something stupid) so I have to be the one who fills him on all those details. Fun times.
I have a similar rule to #5 except I take mine just a step further: If, for whatever odd reason you do take pictures of your privates, DO NOT, under any circumstances, POST THEM ON THE INTERNET.
8 and 9 are my favorites. My 17-month-old already gets embarrassed when I kiss him in public!
By the way, your kids are ADORABLE! Gigi is GORGEOUS!
You know, if they haven’t dubunked that on mythbusters, they should. Would do the world a service, and would be an interesting experiment. Probably wouldn’t get aired on tv though. Online only maybe? I’m sure there are other sex myths they could throw into the mix.
Gigi – Those boys don’t really love you. For real.
And boys – Don’t tell girls you love them when you really don’t.
At least that’s one I’m going to be telling my kids.
Gigi: Stay off the pole.
FTW! My dad told me if he ever found out I worked at a stripclub he would come drag me out by my hair.
I believed it.
Yes, #4. Geez.
So far, so good. Also, we…er, you, should make a book of these….have a bunch of people do 10 rules and compile them… :)
LOL! Wish my parents gave me that list when I was a kid!
#7 made me laugh. #10 is one I eventually discovered for myself. I was highly disappointed.
Profound advice- all of it. Love it.
I totally want to print this off and hang it up on the fridge.
I taught my kids that, if you use really good manners, you make all the people who don’t have good manners look like assholes, and who doesn’t enjoy that?
Some of my kids are almost grown and so far it seems to have worked. Just don’t tell my mom how I made it happen.
Can I just tell you I fucking love you! You make me laugh every damn day.
Yes. All of these things. Also, don’t sit on public toilets. No amount of single-ply toilet paper will protect you from what breeds on that seat.
I literally laughed out loud reading this. What an awesome post. Number 4 made me snarf my coffee.
These are awesome!
ROFL!
Absolutely hilarious! )))))
11. Yes, you will get addicted.
Seriously.
OMG, you have gorgeous children and I loved this post – FANTASTIC!!!
In about 25 years you’re going to be saying, “STOP using a condom, I want grandchildren!”
Or maybe that’s just my mother in law.
How about, for boys, mine in particular, for the love of sweet baby Jesus would you PLEASE learn to wipe up the pee you dribble all over the toilet and/or floor?
For my daughter, nobody likes a whiny girl. You might want to outgrow this trait.
I’m printing this out and keeping it for when my boys can read. Brilliant :O)
Hilarious! You have 10 rules for children; I have 5 rules for parents. Let me know what you think: http://www.50plusandontherun.com/2011/10/good-kids-in-five-easy-steps.html
Oh, and good luck!