If I home-schooled you, this would be our lesson for the day. It’s math so get some paper, I’ll wait.
Question: Why should you never order sex toys after 2am using your PayPal account after 2 mg of Xanax, probably some wine and a handful of Starbursts you pre-unwrapped in the kitchen because your husband gets mad when he finds tiny wrappers all over the floor in the morning?
(hint: Your equation should look like this… 8==D -2/$ (2 x :) + ;P)
Answer: Because you forgot the PayPal account you set up in college is still listed with your parents address, which is where they will be delivering your vibrators, before 4pm today, to your father, as stated by the next day shipping confirmation you just read in your inbox.
Congratulations, you are an idiot.
And if it were *my* Dad, he’d likely re-gift them to my Mom, thinking I ordered such nonsense on his behalf after he forgot their anniversary. Ha!
HAHA, seconded! “But Dad, I just wanted to make up for the (cell phone car charger/insert other bad gift that Mom returned here) !!”
Just make sure they’re unopened when you get them. Ahem.
Holy shit, that’s awesome! And equally awful.h
It’s the website’s fault for not having at least a couple of pop-up, are-you-sure boxes required before you finalized your order.
Are you sure this is the right address? If you are a little stoned right now, do you want to check again?
So totally not your fault.
Cross everything you can and hope that it comes in a nondescript package!
This is truly awesome!!! Thanks for the smile!! lol
Hahahaha. I love the equation.
But I have one question. Who will the package be addressed to? Will your dad open it if it has your name on it? Can’t you just lie and say it’s a surprise for Andy?
That. Is. Beautiful.
I guess we know where Brittany and the kids will be today!
I hope he doesn’t open the package. Because that would be wasted money, seeing as how you would then have to return the toys. Because using a vibrator that your father has seen first is not my idea of a good time, if you know what I mean….
Oh noooooooooooooooooooo!!!! My equation looked different and my results were different. I had this:
-S<2am (P^2+(2)X)WSb=an overdraft on my account for spending way too much on blue bunny vibrators.
Your result was wayyyy more devistating!!!!
Thanks for smearing my mascara by provoking the giggletears. What a PICKLE! Although, a good fix for this situation would be to put yourself into the wine/Xanax/Starburst stupor for the call to your dad warning that the contents of the package would besmirch the image he may or may not hold of his precious daughter.
By the way, 8==D -2/$ (2x :-) + ;P) = Corn Dog with Mustard
xox,
Laura
Omg…awesome in the most awkward way ever! Like the time I had 6 vibrators delivered to my house (cause it’s way cheaper to just order a bunch of vibrators than to buy the batteries that go in them), and both my mom and grandma were visiting and were dying to know what was in the package. Yes. Awesome.
LMAO! That is great. Did you already call him to tell him you shipped something to the wrong address? Or will he be opening this nifty surprise package?
Just tell your dad they are shakey swords
*LAUGH!*
Also worth noting: Do not send your husband a hilarious enormous vibrator and a bottle of ass lube to his work address because apparently his secretary opens all of his packages for him.
LMAO, now that is perfect! Thanks for the idea. I will have to do that should I have a SO again one day. lol.
Perhaps should only be sent to your EX-husband at his work address?
Your blog makes me happy.
LMAO – I just came back to read this post again. It reminds me of this time about 8 years ago when a young coworker asked me if she could get her vibrator mailed to my house because she still lived with her parents. :) (and of course, being a young, naive, single mom, my response was “You can buy vibrators online?”)
hahaha AWESOME. You should be ok, those items usually come in plain wrapping without any salacious indicators that scream “VIBRATOR INSIDE” ;-) Hopefully you can just explain the shipping mix-up and simply say it is a present to yourself ;)
This post made me laugh so hard, I nearly hyperventilated.
It’s after 4pm here. Which I know means that it’s after 4pm there. And now I am just dying to know how Operation Package Retrieval went.
HA!
You’re the best Britt. Thanks for keeping me laughing.
OMG. I just spewed my drink all over my keyboard. Which is really NOT good since it was pepsi and that shit is sticky. And this was freaking hilarious. Thanks for the laugh! Sorry about your dad. lol
LMAO! That is classic…you are the absolute most hilarious chick I know via the web. Thank you for all those much needed laughs!
Totally time to take the kids over to hang with the grandparents so that you can just happen to be there at 4 and “Oh dad, don’t worry, I’ll get the doorbell” and run the box out to the car and bring in a package you’ve prepared that is slightly more innocent (read: boring) and say “I’m not sure why the postman had to bring this because it doesn’t even have postage on it” or something like that.
Thanks for making my day. :)
YES! This is so epic!
And please, for the love, change the address. You’re a big girl now.
OMG that’s hilarious. For me. Not for you.
I’m having Fight Club flashbacks: Just use the indefinite article. It’s THE dildo, not YOUR dildo. And then if he doesn’t believe that, send him to Shauna Glenn’s blog about her new hand mixer….(see link above). Surely that will save you. LMAO