Me: Hey, how long does it take hair to grow 4 inches?
Mom: A long time, if you take vitamins it may speed things up.
Me: Ugh.
Mom: I hope you aren’t asking for yourself, because your hair is too long, you need something more managable.
Me: I can’t cut my hair, mom. I have four more inches until it covers my boobs when I’m naked, like a mermaid.
Mom: Why not Venus in that Botticelli painting while you’re at it?!
Me: Oh no, I have years to go before it’s long enough to cover my snack trap.
Mom: Seriously, who raised you?
Sigh. Someday.
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
OH MY GOD. That’s my hair length goal, too! Long enough to cover my boobs, like a mermaid. I even put it in those terms!
IT’S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Whoa. I thought I was the only one!
So I guess the real question is – is this the goal of every woman with long-ish hair? I’ve been working on mine for 3 years, and it’s ALLLLLMOST mermaid-boobie length!
Maybe I should schedule a boudoir photo shoot for 6 months from now… Time to start shopping for clam shells!
(P.S. Snack trap = almost peed my pants. Bravo.)
Oh man……
Your mom is familiar with Botticelli?!! Is she single?
Awesome!!!!!
I heard prenatals will work. And, unlike my husband thinks, taking them won’t get you pregnant.
Snack Trap?!? OMG – LMAO!
Biotin is good for hair and nail growth. I take 5000mcg/day and my hair grows really quickly.
Now THIS is an epic post. The drawing made all the difference. Well done, friend. Well done, indeed.
Birth of venus as horse, lady parts as snack trap. Pretty much the best post ever.
So I called my girly bits my hooha the other day, and my friend was like “Did you just say hooha???” I can’t wait to see his reaction when I call it the snack trap.
Do share what he says/ does
I second the biotin. I take the same dosage and my hair grows an inch or more a month.
I love her.
My mom asks who raised me all the time.
PS- It was the Bob and Tom Show.
Slather it in coconut oil and braid it at night. It doesn’t help grow faster, but it keeps it looking nice. Mine’s about at waist, and the more my mother and sister bug me to cut, the more motivated I am to let it grow.
Yay you went with Snack Trap. I’m hoping it catches on. My husband didn’t think it was as funny as I did when I told him the other day. He’s just bitter, b/c I won’t let him near my snack trap as much as he’d like.
Oh. My. GOD.
Snack trap?
Friggin priceless.
Dude I’ve been calling it mermaid hair forever! Love it.
Also, snack trap is the awesomest name for vagina ever.
Fantastic.
TUNA SANDWICH
you are just such a great horse drawer !!
I cut my hair super short today. Regret.
Steph
That horse is hot.
Snack trap and Venus Horse…you can’t get a better post.
MY problem is that my boobies keep getting longer too!!
Yeah, it’s hard to keep up with the gravity attacking my boobs. It seems to increase faster than my hair can grow……
Trouble is my hair grows slower than my boobs are being affected by gravity…it’s like a race, and my boobs are winning.
Oh wow. I’d like someone to tell me why this drawing isn’t more famous than the original one. I mean, the old one doesn’t even have hooves.
I think I love your mom. LOL. I can just see her face as she asks who raised you.
Working in the beauty world, vitamins do help ( such as prenatal) but so do scalp massages. Do it while laying in bed for a couple minutes each night. And try a scalp treatment. You will be in love.
P.S. thanks for the word of the year
I had mermaid hair (which is what I called it too!) then cut it off and wished I hadn’t. It took 2 years to grow it BACK out. Finally I’m back to mermaid hair, it gets in my way, get stuck in stuff, my husband is always rolling over on it at night in bed. But I REFUSE to cut it cause I love that it’s finally long enough to cover my boobs. LoL
I have just gotten my hair to be past my boobs. I’m having a “Get this crap off of me now!” kinda day. I keep getting the urge to go into the bathroom and just chop it off.
But since it takes forever to grow it out. I’m resisting.
It takes around 8 months to grow your hair 4 inches. Prenatal vitamins may speed up this process a bit.
I want mermaid hair too ( what I call it as well) my mother had a cup with botticellis birth of Venus on it. Lol