Me: Hey, how long does it take hair to grow 4 inches?
Mom: A long time, if you take vitamins it may speed things up.
Mom: I hope you aren’t asking for yourself, because your hair is too long, you need something more managable.
Me: I can’t cut my hair, mom. I have four more inches until it covers my boobs when I’m naked, like a mermaid.
Mom: Why not Venus in that Botticelli painting while you’re at it?!
Me: Oh no, I have years to go before it’s long enough to cover my snack trap.
Mom: Seriously, who raised you?