Yesterday I read that Tilda Swinton, who I affectionately know as the fucking creepy lady from the freakest fucking movie ever, The Beach, has an open marriage. She has been with the father of her children for 10 years, and she also has a much younger lover who often joins them all when they travel.
Which, honestly, is not surprising, because she is totally weird.
But, because I was supposed to be looking up some lame account number for some stupid utility company for Andy, I decided to look up who else had open relationships, you know, besides the usual suspects like Hugh Hefner.
Will Smith, Dolly Parton, the lady with the hairy legs that played the mom in Precious, and even Charlie Sheen…which is weird, because I’ve been to a handfasting ceremony before for Andy’s weird college roommate named Jim, but who now goes by Talon, and I thought warlocks were monogamous. But then again, Jack Nicholson had like three lovers in The Witches of Eastwick.
Wait, now I am confused.
I just don’t know that I could ever be down with an open marriage.
And, I just don’t have nearly enough non-stretchy clothing to pursue a lover.
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When my husband and I were dating, we were friends with this other couple who, I was surprised to discover, were swingers. They approached hubby about “switching.” Now he knew I would never ever go for it, and told them “hell no” and later told me about it. He teased me about being a prude, and so forth. I broke it down for him in 4 simple words: I DO NOT SHARE. On the flip side, I don’t want to be the one being shared either, so there you go!
We stayed friends with the couple for awhile, but it quickly fizzled….the guy kinda creeped me out with leering looks. Gave me the willies.
Karen
lilmuna.blogspot.com
I am SO BUMMED. I know zero swingers personally, I think.
How boring is my life!?
You know swingers. Call me and I will drop names. And you WILL DIE!
But it’s not me. I don’t share either. I think I have proven that point.
Meredith! You promised not to tell! Sheesh…
Will Smith???? REALLY??!?
I had that same reaction! This can’t be right. Now I’m going to have to go Google it for myself.
Me too! I’ve always had such a crush on him…ick…it’s like someone flipped a switch…no thank you!:(
Fourth.
I don’t know, I think he jumped the shark after Fresh Prince;)
ditto! That one surprised and disappointed me
That was my reaction, too! And like, now? Or pre-Jada?
And then I Googled, and it’s with Jada, and OH MY GOD.
Really?
I just… I mean, I just can’t.
I was at a party where a good friend’s wife started rubbing my a@@ while we were talking.
Points to consider:
1. She was hammered.
2. I am very tall and perhaps my butt is not located where other people’s butts are located. Maybe she thought she was rubbing my back?
3. I am not a touchy-feely person so this freaked me out more than the usual butt-rubbing victim.
4. She is a totally normal, married, church-going friend. I cannot conceive that she and her husband are swingers.
Discuss.
Hmmm….this is a toughy. You probably had sat in some mustard or something and she was wiping it. Yeah.
Or since she was drunk maybe she thought her dog had jumped on your back and was petting the dog.
Or something.
Yeah she was totally hot for you. Sorry.
Wait! Did you sit in a lint pile? Maybe that’s it!
Never mind. She’s hot for you. I tried.
There may have been cupping involved. I don’t think you “cup” lint off of a pair of trousers. I’m still writing it off to drunkenness combined with my supertallness.
JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD!
hahaahahahaha
Bawhahahaha
We used to know a lot of freaky open marriage types. It always seemed like they were trying to prove how open-minded and sexually liberated they were, instead of just being open and liberated.
Mandy, she could just be a cheater, not a swinger.
To me it just sounds like I’d have to shave my legs more often…
I’d almost be game for it.. but my husband isn’t allowed to bang anyone prettier than me. Or skinnier.
Oh, and if you do end up banging my husband random lady… you are playing for keeps. No give backs.
THIS.
Thanks, I just spent the last 20 minutes googleing celebrities with open marriages. Ashton and Demi have one and so did Pink and Carey Hart. Thanks for helping me waste the morning away!
I know, it’s fascinating, right?
Andy was all I NEED YOU TO PAY ATTENTION TO THIS IMPORTANT INFO I NEED BLAH BLAH and I was all OMG DOLLY PARTON IS A SWINGER!
Hahaha that sounds like conversations with my Hubs. The fact that Dolly Parton has an open marriage makes me sad, I love her!
I know, it is strange to me that Dolly is the what that leaped out at me as an, Excuse me, WHAT??!!! I feel a Google session coming on!!! :0)
What!? Ugh…make it stop!:(
As my old Uncle Olaf used to say, an open marriage will certainly keep your spouse on their toes. They’re not going to let themselves go, or miss a shaving day. They might turn down that second helping of cheesecake if they know their is another (perhaps younger and slimmer) guy or woman hoping to take their spot. People would definitely work harder on their relationship to “keep their spot.”
No wonder everytime I’ve ever heard Jada Pinkett-Smith talk, it’s always about how much she loves Will. Well no wonder. SIDE NOTE: I don’t know if it’s related to their alleged open marriage, but they have the most annoying kids ever.
THANK YOU.
I find their kids to be the 2011 version of the Mary Kate & Ashley KID FUN YAY franchise.
Willow and her “whip my hair” is annoying but come on… Jaden sports some awesome braids.. lol.
Open marriages sound exhausting. The great thing about being married is sitting on the couch eating Chinese food and laughing over bad TV, why would you mess with that by adding dating? I can’t imagine having to shave my legs again and stuff and look interested about things that I’m just not. That’s what my 20′s were for.
My boyfriend and I spent the whole weekend watching bad tv and eating spaghetti. I don’t think you have to be married to do that.
And the Will Smith open relationship thing went public about a year ago, I figured it would have quieted down by now.
Completely agreed, except mine is a very long term boyfriend. I am still not proud when I go the whole weekend without shaving, but at least I know I can and not be judged for it. Anyone else, and I would be paranoid to be touched at all!
We had what we call our ‘hiccup’ and decided to see other people, and trying to date other people, I felt like a fish out of water. Yuck.
I look forward to our ‘boring’ weekends. Saturday at the flea market, Sunday night watching SVU while he plays on the computer and sporadically gripes about my taste in tv… ah, my heaven.
On another note- DOLLY?! Say it ain’t so!
Also, I guess we know who Joleen was now.
(rimshot)
Okay that made me laugh OUT LOUD.
THAT was hilarious.
Agreed. I definitely don’t want to date.
In fact Andy just asked me if we could order in because it was going to snow and watch Netflix and OMG it was the biggest turn on EVER.
WILL SMITH?!
I do not share either!
I try to be as open-minded as possible – I strongly feel that no one should harbor any sort of prejudices against gays, disabled people, people of color, etc. – but I just can’t wrap my head around open marriages. No idea why.
I am not prejudice against it, it’d be interesting in a perfect world maybe, but I don’t understand the logistics and I was super shocked to hear of the celeb couples.
Hmmm yeah open relationships / marriages are a bit… taboo? (No not the guy from Black Eyed Peas). I don’t know if I could make it work for an extended period of time unless it was just about the sex and no emotional attachment at all. Separating those 2 things are very difficult though. Maybe Will and Jada are pros at that. Kind of like acting and flipping that switch.
Tilda Swinton looks like Conan O’Brien.
I think she looks like a giant finger.
LOL, the female answer to the Thumb Thumbs from Spy kids. LOL
giant finger— dying!
Brittany, I LOVE your blog….but I just can’t get on board with this post. I’m in an open marriage, and it’s not at all how you and your readers are portraying it. It’s like being able to flirt and have the freedom to act on sexual urges without the repercussions of being a cheater. It’s quite fun. Yes, it may be taboo and out of the ordinary…but I do not judge those who choose to be monogamous, so why judge me? For the record, it IS just about sex. There are no emotional attachments at all…but you have to know how to separate the 2, and that can be hard for most women.
I am so incredibly happy you commented. First because, seriously, I never expect anyone to agree with me ever, so I like to be called out, and secondly, I find this absolutely fascinating.
I know some are mixing it up with swinging or plural marriage, but it’s not that, it’s what you said, acting on those urges with no emotional attachment.
I think maybe I would find it hard to separate the two, and funny enough, not on my end. I mean, I think I could separate the two, but I don’t think I could do it for my husband.
Which sounds selfish of me….
Oh yes, it’s not an easy thing. We’ve had challenges along the way…and honestly, I play a lot more than he does. (In fact I have a lunch date today)
You’d probably also find it fascinating that I have a full time boyfriend on the side. lol
Its also a general rule that women have a lower sex drive, so the logistics of swinging don’t always add up.
There’s a great book called “Opening Up”. It talks about open relationships and also has a segment on how we, as humans, are not really designed for monogamy.
As I said, I don’t judge other people’s sexual orientation or what they choose to do behind closed doors… I just find it interesting how so many are very closed-minded to it. It isn’t as far of a stretch as one would imagine, if one would just think about it with an open mind. (Not trying to talk anyone into DOING it…just being open minded and non-judgmental to those who do).
I just can’t wrap my brain around it. I mean, I hardly have time for what I want to do with my husband let alone others! I am also in the camp that it is virtually impossible to do sex w/ out strings attached, but I recognize that is my opinion not fact.
While I think everyone has a right to choose their own lifestyle, I think the “humans are not designed for monogamy” is a copout. And I don’t just mean you, I hear it a lot from various places.
Monogamy to me is a choice. It’s not about being “designed” any which way. It’s about choosing to only be with one person or not. Some people want it-some don’t, but we as humans are not meant to be one way or the other. Sure you can look and do some harmless flirting, but there is a line when it comes to being faithful either emotionally or physically.
And for the record, I’m speaking in terms of biologically and not religiously.
I can see your point of view, but again, it is a matter of opinion I think.
Would you also argue that being gay is a “choice”? Not trying to start heated debates…I am honestly curious.
I agree with the not having time part. Even if my husband and I were open to this idea, when would we do it? We hardly spend enough time together because of our children, I feel like we would be doing a disservice to each other by using our free time to explore other people, sexually.
Maybe when we retire?
OK so I totally got my google on after reading this as well. Will and Jada DO have an open marriage, but neither have acted on it.
And I mean really, they are both freaking hot, why look elsewhere?
Sometimes when you take the temptation of the forbidden fruit out of the equation, the temptation is no longer there.
Just a thought.
I do not, nor will I ever, have an open marriage. I would like to say it is because ‘I/we don’t share well’; honestly though it is because I am too lazy. I like the relationship we have, seriously not having to shave in order to get some is the best thing ever!!! I like knowing exactly where we are with each other and our routines. Having other people in our relationship would just complicate things too much. I know marriage is work, and we do WORK at ours, but an open marriage is just too much work for me.
I try to be fairly open minded, and open marriage may work for others, but just not for me. I’m not the type that can have a physical relationship without an emotional attachment – it’s just not who I am. I went that route in my 20′s and tried the whole physical thing without emotions, but it just left me feeling empty and just was never something that felt right for me.
Hope that clears up my earlier comments a bit.
Karen
lilmuna.blogspot.com
I am in a completely open marriage. In fact it’s so open I let my wife marry someone else
I’m a little surprised at how many of the comments were of the “I used to really like him/her. This makes me sad.” variety. Really? You don’t enjoy the work of this performer any more because he or she chooses to live life differently than you? It makes you sad that they are being true to who they are and not living according to your perceptions of who they should be? I am not a swinger but, I dunno. I say let Dolly get her freak on with whomever she chooses. If her hubby is down with it, I don’t see the problem.
…being a FB nerd, I really need a “Like” button here.
ps. “let Dolly get her freak on” = hilarious!
Will Smith and Dolly Parton?? Seriously??
As for C-Sheen, I have to wonder if he just says he did, but the wives weren’t really all that in the know, ya know?
OH, NO! They would definitely have to pursue me…
Will Smith?!!! No effing WAY! I’m gonna google that as soon as I’m finished here.
When I was single, I wouldn’t even consider dating a man with children, because I need to be the most important in my man’s life. (We make a baby together…that’s a horse of a different color.) No way could I handle another woman in my man’s life, fuggiddaboudit. And I don’t want to give that much of myself to two men – it’s hard enough to give my everything to the one.
I need monogamy in my life; I can’t have it any other way. But, I won’t begrudge the practice of anyone else – whatever floats their boats. I just hope they post about it on facebook and/or blog about it, cause i sure do want to know how that works.
OMG. I’ve been completing missing the subtext for YEARS. So *this* is what everyone is talking about when they say “the key to a great marriage is an honest, OPEN relationship.” WTF? I thought they were talking about good communication, not boning on the side!
In all seriousness though, couldn’t do it. It would just break my heart.
I get open relationships. I mean, how hot would another man be if you didn’t have to clean up after him? And everytime he saw you the sex was fabulous because you weren’t talking about your kids, money, etc.
However, I know my husband is too lazy. Seriously. Also, the stretchy pants thing. I’d be fine with him dating, if by dating you mean she was all about impressing me with her cleaning and cooking and never touched my man.
I don’t judge, I just couldn’t do it. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about a boyfriend when the hubby is making me crazy, but ultimately I love him. And him alone.
I had to look up who that Tilda chick is. She is totally scary looking. I’ve hard a lot of my neighbors are swingers. TG no one has asked us to swing with them haha.
I couldn’t do open marriage, way too much work to have to look nice and date. Now polygamy I am all over, I need a wife like no body’s business. Think about it, someone else to cook, clean, take care of the hubby when he is all whiny and sick. Since I would be first wife I would get all the take the kids to the zoo days, BBQs at the beachs and date nights with the hubs, second wife can have the crappy days
I have a close relative in an open relationship. I have a few friends in the same situation. For some reason none of this bothers me because people make choices and then they live with said choices.
But Tilda? I’m just wondering now how her face is during sex. Does she ever smile and not creep out her lovers?
You are welcome for that visual I just gave you.
HA. Well honestly, open marriages don’t creep me out. It’s TILDA that creeps me out.
Every movie she is in gives me nightmares.
(http://cache3.asset-cache.net/xc/79802877.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF8789215ABF3343C02EA548EF033DB25792F1342A228AE32D9E5BCB64349240FBDE0D48E30A760B0D811297 (that’s the face you’re looking for, I think)
Will Smith surprises me. They’re Scientologists. I didn’t know Scientologists did polyamory.
RIGHT? That is exactly what I was going to say.
I could have an open marriage WITH Tilda Swinton, cos I dig her, but I don’t think the hubs would be keen on that
Which is worse? A marriage that fails because someone cheats, or an open relationship?
Having said that, my wife does not let me sleep around.
And … I knew a couple that married another couple. Thus becoming … wait for it … a quadle.
Would it be a sign of the apocalypse if Tilda & Will & Dolly & Jada all started swinging together?
Seriously, it’s so wrong! Will Smith? Really? I’m ashamed. His child is so cute. For once I thought a Scientologist could at least “appear” normal in society. Alas, I’m wrong. He is a Scientologist right? Gosh, what’s next…go to Starbucks and get a latte and laid?
That’s a concept, “latte and laid”. I bet it will start in So Cal.
We don’t drink Lattes in So Cal. Too fattening.
Can I have a wife? Nothing sexual at all. Just some one who will clean my house while I am at work, take care of the baby in the middle of the night so I can sleep and be my ally against this sea of boys I live in!
i’m in an ‘open relationship’, my long term boyfriend and i identify as polyamorous. we practice respectful non-monogamy and have found, while certainly having it’s challenges, is a rewarding and exciting way to approach life. the reason so many relationships fail is because so many people don’t know how to communicate properly (or how to honest enough with themselves to actually be honest with another human being) and that causes anger and resentment… and who wants to be resentful of the people they love?
i love my primary partner very much, he brings a lot of love, joy and light into my life. he is my best friend and we are a powerhouse of a team- but i cannot be everything for him and he cannot be everything for me. everyone brings so many different things to the table that can only enrich our lives, it would be a shame if we cut ourselves off to those opportunities and people (whether they are friends or lovers).
i could talk about this for hours, and i love when people ask me questions about my relationship choices… but the best thing i can offer anyone (single or attached) is to read the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt, if you can look past the fact that it a book written for poly people you will find TONS of useful information and insight on how to just be a better, balanced and aware person and partner.
I’m late to the swingers party!
My husband and I have been swingers for 2 years. We have been discussed an open marriage but are scared of the guilty feelings that might come with it. We’ve been together since high school and we’ve been married for 11 years. We have met some couples that we have same room sex with and we have a single male friend that will join us for threesomes (my husband is straight). We both have very high sex drives and enjoy flirting and the excitement of meeting new people. We do everything together so there is no secrets. I enjoy dressing up in beautiful lingerie for my husband, teasing and flirting with him, and then hours of hot hot hot satisfying sex after. If there is another man or couple there great – if not- its still great
The best sex I have is with my husband – he turns me on like no one else. We still have nights that we hang out on the couch eating take out in our jammies too.
Some couples take up golf or whatever as a hobby. We like having sex with other people.
I always understood Will and Jada were beards for each other.
I suppose I technically have an open marriage. I am polyamorous, but I like to think of it as parallel monogamy.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 years.
I didn’t plan it this way. I love my wife and when I found myself interested in my boyfriend I panicked and talked to her about it. It turned out that she had a man she was interested in too. So we decided that we’d give it a go. I’ve been with the same man throughout, she’s dated five men over the years. We agree that there are to be no other girls and that we always come home to each other. We also get veto power. If she told me tomorrow that I couldn’t see my boyfriend any more, I would dump him. It would be hard and painful, but I would. She knows that he brings me happiness though so it is unlikely that she would ask for that. He knows that she comes first and respects her.
We consider ourselves a family after all this time.
My husband and I are in an open relationship and have been for a few years. It can be more work – lot of communication necessary – but can be totally worth it. On the other hand, I can also absolutely see the reasons for not choosing it. Nothing wrong with monogamy either.
I was in an open relationship for 3 years which ended amicably and we are still beat friends. My bf was too busy with pursuing his career to spend sexy time wig me as much as I needed and was fine with me taking care of those needs elsewhere as long as he knew about it and it was not interfering with our time together. I’m not possessive with my lovers and feel that truly loving someone means wanting them to be happy in every part of their life. An open relationship allowed for both of our happiness and has proven to have been the healthiest relationship in my life. I love the movie Vickie Christina Barcelona because it does an excellent job commenting on the topic. I’m always impressed by those brave enough to give it a try or at least not judge those who do have the courage to explore the edges of society’s traditional comfort level with this topic.