Being a mom is one of the only jobs I’ve never wanted to quit. It’s taxing, but it’s also hilarious and sweet and fulfilling, and I get to experience my heart changing each and every day.
But, I’m especially thankful Andy figured out intercourse, not only so I get these three monsters in my life, but because I needed this maternal punch to the face to even begin to understand my own mother, and how fucking amazing she is. It took pushing something out of my vagina three times and being shit and puked on for six years to become unselfish enough to see that she was an amazing mother despite going through things that no mother, or woman, should ever, ever have to experience. And I get this lady as a mother and a best friend!
That doesn’t count as my present though, Andy. I still have a Mother’s Day list of demands:
1. I want to eat all three of my meals while they are still warm today. Or cold. Really, whatever temperature they are supposed to be to safely consume and not get botulism.
2. I want to go to Home Depot to look at my stuff, not your stuff, Andy.
3. I don’t want to wipe anyone today. You know what, including myself. It’s not weird unless you make it weird.
4. I don’t need flowers or breakfast in bed or homemade coupons, but I would like a nap today, with the air conditioning on as high as I want it, no complaints.
Ok enough mushy crap.
It’s been a bit since I have Lazy Sunday’ed, so let’s catch up!
I did another addition of Playing Dress Up, where I raid my closet and show you what I’m wearing.
I filled you in on what it was like being a plus size model in NYC.
You saw how I threw two parties in 24 hours, hangover included.
On Amuse Bouche:
I showed you how to play the AWESOMEST drinking game ever.
Andy tried to be Christian Grey.
And then I got you shitfaced again, plus an ice cream headache.
Oh, and Andy posted this week about why he’s an insensitive muggle.
Now for some cool shit I saw online:
My new favorite site. It’s like Pinterest and Instagram doing it them having baby websites with really cool interfaces. (Pssst. You should follow me here.)
The best post about pants and airplanes to ever exist.
Since Andy purposefully ruined the comfy men’s sweatpants I’ve had since 2001, it’s only fitting they should be replaced….with these classy fellows.
To keep up with everything I love, I suggest joining me on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and follow me throughout the day on Instagram @BrittanyHerself!
the link for the awesome sweat pants goes to Kate Spade? I’m so buying those pants for my husband if I can find them.
And that’s how we trick them:) Fixed.
I gotta know. Just how big is the soccer ball in the background of your kids picture?
Those punching balls with the rubber band on the end? It’s one of those, so…gigantic. Except the kids never play with it, so it apparently lurks about all Watcher in the Woods style.
That movie still scares the shit out of me. The used to show it in school. WTF. Now you can’t even show a Disney movie in the classroom without sending a note home to parents. Oh the times, they have a changed.
Thanks for the nightmares I will undoubtedly have tonight.
Those sweatpants? Awesome. I might need the “Got Bush” ones.
Is Andy somehow related to my husband? God forbid I touch the thermostat!
Did he let you go to Home Depot by yourself?
Happy belated Mother’s Day!
OMG OMG I LOVE DEMETRI MARTIN SO MUCH!!!!
That is all.
Wait, also, your kids are super cute, and happy belated Mother’s Day!!