For myself.

by Brittany on May 18, 2011

in lowercase b, Marriage, Musings, Parenting

Two nights ago, I needed to run to Target to get a few things for an upcoming trip.

The entire day leading up to it, I was making my list, envisioning myself pushing the scarlet cart up and down the aisles, leaving the kids at home with Andy while I try on cute shoes and cheap bras.

Andy comes home from work, takes his laptop in the bathroom, the kids are screaming that they want some sort of snack, BUT NOT THAT SNACK A DIFFERENT ONE MAYBE I DON’T KNOW MAMA I’M HUNGRY BUT NOT FOR THOOOOOOSE.

I’m trying to get ready, Andy reappears…

We’re out of diapers.

There’s a new box in the pantry.

And wipes?

Also in the pantry.

The boys were hungry so I gave them a jar of banana peppers, but Gigi won’t eat them, what can she have?

*smooshes face into the wall*

What?

Just give her here, I’m taking her with me.

Why do I do that?  I never leave Andy with three kids, I always take one, to make it easier for him.  But, why can’t it be easier for me?

A date with myself.  No struggling with a car seat.  No public restroom diaper changes.  The only candy bar bought in the check out line at Target will be mine, and I won’t smear chocolate down the from of me so everyone thinks I shit myself.  Or maybe I will, I don’t know, it’s my fucking day, and if that means the teenager ringing me up at Old Navy will leave me alone about the fucking credit card, consider it done.

Target, Old Navy, a burrito from Chipotle in the car while I sing along to my Glee soundtrack in the parking lot, maybe see Bridesmaids, hit up Sam’s Club for some samples, then circle back around to Old Navy to get the jeans I talked myself out of getting because they only had a size below mine, but I’m buying them anyways, because I just had a day by myself, I feel powerful, and I am going to will these fucking things to button.

How would you spend your day?

{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }

Nellie May 18, 2011 at 4:12 pm

I would spend it with my cell phone OFF and just raid the day with my own insanity–get my hair cut and colored, try on insane outfits and dresses and go wild with shoes and hats and eat my ass off! It really doesn’t matter what I’d be doing or where I’d be going, just by myself for a few hours and going home to my 3 1/2 year old already tucked into bed instead of waiting up for me…now that would be total BLISS!

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bellawriter May 18, 2011 at 4:15 pm

It will get easier to do this as the kids get older. I don’t think I went ANYWHERE alone when the kids were little. Now though, sometimes I just wait until they’re all at school and take off in the morning. Maybe window shopping, maybe a walk in the park. Maybe to buy a chocolate eclair at the grocery store and eat it for a late breakfast just because I can. But it’s still hard. Most days I still have at least one or two kids in tow. Take a deep breathe and then plan a weekend to Ontario so we can finally hang out and drink mojitos and eat nachos. Because in my head that’s what we do when we meet. And laugh. A lot.

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Megan (Madam Energy) May 18, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Target is heaven on Earth, I swear. It’s the like the universe knew that women needed a store where they could find mustard-colored peep-toes, pretty smelling candles, therapeutic chick flicks on DVD, and boxed wine all in one place – a refuge for women with at least half an ounce of class and a pocketbook equipped with somewhat of a conscience.

I wonder if they’ll let my family spread my ashes in their purse department when I die someday.

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Amanda May 18, 2011 at 4:19 pm

You know, I do this too.

When I’m going out for something at night, and let’s face it, usually for groceries. I line up all this stuff so that my husband doesn’t have to deal with it. Make sure the bottles are set up, pajamas are out, dinner is set. It’s so bullshit because he’s not helpless, but he will ALWAYS take this help and probably knows to expect it now.

No one does these things for me. It’s just a given that I’m supposed to be able to do it. And frankly, it is easier for me, but it comes at the cost of my sanity and inability to just be alone. Which actually hurts the whole family when you think about it.

Sigh.

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Megan (Madam Energy) May 18, 2011 at 4:20 pm

[Something happened and my comment vanished. If it shows up twice, don't blame me.]

Target is heaven on Earth. It’s the universe just knew that women needed a place to buy mustard colored peep-toes, pretty smelling candles, mushy chick flicks on DVD, and boxed wine all at once – a women’s refuge for those with at least half an ounce of class and a pocketbook with at least somewhat of a conscience.

I wonder if they’ll let my family members spread my ashes in their purse department when I die someday.

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rachel May 18, 2011 at 4:27 pm

aaaaaaaah, brittany, your time will come :) it’s seems so far off, but I assure you, it’s coming. and you know what? for awhile, those trips out and quiet times feel really neat, but eventually, I found myself asking the kids to come with more often than not. mine are 13 & 17, and my older baby is slowly, slowly slipping away. when he does agree to come along, I almost get teary-eyed. instead of a me day, I get an alex day, which turns out to be alot nicer :) little kids are so hard, but you’re juggling it all amazingly, AND hanging on to a hottie hubs who totally loves your crazy ass! YOU ARE THE FUCKING BOMB.
let us not forget that.

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Kitten with a Whisk May 18, 2011 at 4:28 pm

3 words:
beach
book
margaritas

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SuzRocks May 18, 2011 at 4:33 pm

I’m actually planning my very own trip to Target and Old Navy. I’m so excited about it that I might even shower before I go. The chocolate bar doesn’t sound too bad either.

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diana May 18, 2011 at 4:47 pm

This is the exact thing I complain to my husband about the most since having our son and moving clear across the country where I know no one! Even when MY family came to visit he got to go off golfing with my dad and I got “stuck with/the baby” I NEVER get a day off.

I would probably do the exact same thing you described… that is what I used to do before I had a kid!

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nicki May 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm

Banana peppers for a snack! I love it! I could eat a whole jar of them at once but I am guessing Gigi would have tummy pains…and that is why you brought her with you…so she doesn’t shit flames later for you to deal with. =)

How would I spend my day? Well, my kids are 13 and 17 and I promise you IT GETS BETTER! I abandon them on a daily basis now for just about anything and only feel bad every once in a while! Today, I left my son alone to play violent video games and swear like a sailor while I went to buy K-Cups for my Keurig. Hang in there!! And post a pic of you in the pants when you wear them because anyone who can take care of her family like you do, write an awesome blog, laugh at herself and help others laugh through their struggles can do ANYTHING! You rock!

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Gina May 18, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Yes it does get easier when they get older, just last weekend my 15 yr old son and I spent the day at the mall tried out a hip new restaurant got pedicures and got our hair cut and mine colored at a swank salon.. kinda like a me day but better because I get to spend the day with him doing things we both enjoy doing although he wasn’t wild about the pedicure he asked me today if we could go again this weekend:)

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Veronica Turner May 18, 2011 at 5:02 pm

when I used to be a SAHM, some days as soon as Jason would walk in the door I’d say “I need some time”, and walk right out the door and head to Target. I miss those days! I wanna be a SAHM again! :(

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C @ Kid Things May 18, 2011 at 5:05 pm

Sleeping and laptop. I’m easy. I just want quiet for a day.

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Kristie May 18, 2011 at 5:17 pm

I only have one child, and he’s only 8 months old, but this is still my list:
–get up at 9 o’clock
–go for a run with out a fucking stroller
–shower for 15 minutes, and possibly do a face mask
–put on nice clothes
–take my time shopping at places like HomeGoods and Nordstrom Rack, where I have time to look through the mish-mashed racks of things for treasures
–try on clothes at places like Guess and Express without leaving the door half open so I can see the enormous stroller while I dance around with my pants half on, trying to entertain the baby so he doesn’t start screaming while I’m still in my fucking underpants.
–eat a quiet lunch at a real restaurant, with a book, and not have to protect the napkin/fork/knife/food/water glass/waitress/tablecloth from the 1400 hands that belong to my baby
–head home and sit in my quiet house with said book and one of the nicer boxes of wine (like black box chardonnay) and drink three big glasses, possibly with a couple of percocet chasers, while I finish that book
–watch shitty tv until I’m ready for bed. Then a delicious ambien and sleeping through the night.

Seriously, that’s all I want. Quiet time to shop, wander, eat, and take prescription drugs. Is that asking too much??

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Dana May 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm

when I get out of the house without the kids I feel like I’m missing a limb. I know I must look lost to everyone else because I sure feel that way.

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Jaime May 18, 2011 at 5:27 pm

I would just be alone in my own house. I wouldn’t clean anything up, wipe anyone’s bottom and/or nose, step on stupid Duplos, or cook anything that wasn’t more difficult than a frozen pizza (for myself, obviously). I’d sew all day, then drink wine and watch the tv shows I wanted to watch, whether it was Masterpiece Classics or 16 and pregnant. And I wouldn’t have to worry about getting up in the middle of the night with a baby who’s got an ear infection and won’t go back to sleep no matter what I do, or waking up early to take the toddler to the bathroom before his pull-up leaks all over his mattress (again).
I just realized how dorky this sounds. I’m the life of the party, abso-fucking-lutely.

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Alysia May 18, 2011 at 6:01 pm

Usually, if I get a day, I end up with no money or its a rainy crappy day. But folks, that’s what credit cards n rain boots r for. Stop by the favorite bakery on the way to the mall, shop it up for awhile, maybe get a pretzel with cheese, possibly a pedi at the place in the mall n it’ll be peaceful bc I can’t understand them. Then head on to my long lost fave restaurant to sit at the bar n have drafts n appetizers. Then have to call somebody to come get me cause I won’t drive after I’ve been drinking. Which means I can go back n buy that shirt I really wanted but talked myself out of bc ill have to back the next day n get my car. So, I’ve talked myself right into going out to eat tonight. Thanks! I really needed to go to bed early but not now people. Ill tell ya how great it was tmro. Btw, my kids r 17 n 20 so I don’t put their pjs out anymore. :)

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The Mother Freakin' Princess May 18, 2011 at 6:20 pm

I would run away to visit one of my BFFs who recently moved to CA. Wait?!?! I actually get to do that in just 10 days! And yes, I’ll make sure there are plenty of meals in the freezer, and everyone knows what to do when I’m gone – although my hubby says not to worry, they will be just fine ;)

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Becky (MsBatman) May 18, 2011 at 6:43 pm

I totally lied to my daughters (11 and 14) today and told them I was working late and had made plans for them to spend the night with their best friends. (I lied about the working late. The sleepovers? That was true… I’m a bad mom, not a shitty one). I’m not working late at all. In fact I went shopping with one of my girl friends, tanned, grab a quick bite to eat and I’m meeting another friend later for drinks.
The Mom Guilt? Killing me.
I hope tequila kills it.

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Meredith May 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I would spend my day with you. Is that cool? Just come over and pick me up. I will bring the Moscato and to-go cups.

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Laura May 18, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Ooh ooh — I just had my day yesterday. I had an early morning annual gyno appointment in the ‘big city’ about an hour away. I got that over with and then hit Victoria’s Secret to use a gift card, picked up some sushi from the fancy health food store, browsed Michael’s for nothing special, went to Sephora and played with makeup (without the 2 year old that was with me last time and used her fingers to sample EVERYTHING in her reach), and had a lovely stroll through Target and TJ Maxx by myself. By the time I thought of checking out what was playing at the movie theatre, it was a bit too late, so I didn’t get to watch ‘Something Borrowed’ which would have been a heavenly indulgence. BUT – it was time to get home for the little league baseball game…. back to reality — which I love too.

And – I’m the same way about never leaving all the kids (I just have 2) with my husband at once. I would just rather take the 2 year old and leave him with the 7 year old because I won’t have to feel so bad about how long I’m gone. It is just easier…..sadly….

Laura

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Josefina May 18, 2011 at 10:47 pm

When my kids were in school, I had too many days to myself. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s true. I think I’d have to call a friend. If I had someone to hang out with, watch stupid TV, maybe have some wine or something, maybe run out and get dinner…that sounds perfect. I haven’t done anything like that with a female friend in ages.

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Heidi May 19, 2011 at 7:13 am

I only have two kids, but I don’t leave the house without one of them to even grocery shop, unless one is sleeping and I can figure out some good reason to leave them both behind (other than the obvious reason, that grocery shopping completely blows when you bring kids).

If I had a kid free day (we get a day right?).. I would:

Wake up at 8:00. Lay in bed and think about my whole day until 9:00. Make a cup of coffee. Check Facebook and all the blogs I follow. More coffee. Balance Check book. Cry over not having a lot of money. Tell myself I am over-reacting, we have active credit cards. Get in the car. Drive to (God I wish I could say Target, we don’t have A SINGLE TARGET in Vermont. LAME).. any store really.. and wander. Maybe even the mall.

It wouldn’t matter if I didn’t buy a single thing. I LOVE being alone. LOVE IT. Maybe I’d even go tanning. Get something waxed. Nails done? Who knows.

Did any of you guys see the episode of The Middle where they let the mom stay home by herself for the whole day? She thought it would be so awesome but she ended up cleaning her whole day away?? It was the perfect portrayal of a mom’s life.

This comment stinks. I need to learn to be articulate :)

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kaitlin May 19, 2011 at 8:10 am

I don’t even have kids and I can relate…my husband loves banana peppers and eats tons of them and then whines to me when his stomach hurts…so basically I do have a kid…plus he doesn’t let me go to target alone because I come home with an entire new wardrobe (accessories too) so everytime we go to target, my only “treat” is laundry detergent that’s not bad for the environment. He’s only being logical, we are on a budget, but still.

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dale May 19, 2011 at 8:32 am

Walking, window shopping. Not having anyone ask me for anything or pull me or for the love of pete WHINE.

And then I’d have some wine.

And just sit.

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Jen Duffy May 19, 2011 at 9:02 am

Last Saturday: read a book in the Barnes and Noble parking lot. Because, really, when and where else would I be left alone long enough to do that?
I think went and bought a rotisserie chicken. Much easier without someone yelling for free cookies and wanting to be carried and pulling my hair and whining and omg chicken shopping SHOULD NOT be on my “Jen Time” agenda, but there we were. Just me and Charlie Chicken, enjoying the relative peace of a packed grocery store.
Sigh.

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Kate Barnett May 19, 2011 at 9:20 am

Target, Old Navy and Chipotle. Or perhaps Panda Express.

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Megan May 19, 2011 at 9:57 am

Take the day. Really. Andy will not kill the children nor will they kill him. Probably.

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Kellyn MacQuarrie May 19, 2011 at 10:18 am

Is it bad that on the very rare occasion I do get to go shopping without my kids I put on heels and make-up, and make my hair look really nice? It just feels so good to look like a human being for a change. Not a tired mom, with bed-head, wearing the same lounge pants that I have been living in for the past three days that are covered in juice and peanut butter.

Target is my happy place. I don’t even care about birthday presents anymore. Just tell me I can have a whole day to myself in retail heaven.

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leanne May 19, 2011 at 10:59 am

I did this on Monday. Day off from work. Kids at school and daycare. I went shopping. Bought a few things for my family. But I also bought myself some sandals. Two pairs. Retail therapy is the best.

On days like that I either shop or bake (with maybe a little cleaning up around the house thrown in for good measure). But mostly, I shop.

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Trisha Vargas May 19, 2011 at 11:15 am

For me, it would be:
Sleeping in until at least 9.
Taking a shower without one of my daughters coming into my bathroom to ask me some stupid ass question that could wait like” Hey Mom, Are we out of chocolate pop tarts?”
Going shopping at some rediculously expensive store and trying on a ton of clothes that I cannot afford nor would I buy, but just want to feel like Julia Roberts for a while.
Then I would have my hair and nails done and eat a meal uninterrupted by my teenage daughters teaching my 2 year old how to have a belching contest at the table.
Then I would get lost in Target and buy the stuff I could actually afford and would actually wear.
I would end the day with at least 2 full bottles of Barefoot Moscato and a foot rub, if I could actually get my husband to give me one. But I am sure he will be totally exhausted from having to keep after the kids all day and will want to go to bed or run screaming from the house as soon as I walk in.
That day would be awesome but I don’t see it in the near future as I always take the baby with me too.

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Irish Twins May 19, 2011 at 11:35 am

You know, I was going to do this too. Take a day (my birthday) off work (where I work a 50-60 hour week) and get a haircut, mani-pedi, get the ol’ eyebrows/upper lip waxed. But then I made a huge mistake and told my husband. So guess who else is taking the day off? Also he told his mom (aka the only person, besides me, brave enough to watch our two boys alone). So of course since I’m off work she’s going to take the day off and do stupid shit that SHE wants to do like; go to the bank, take a nap, blah-blah-blah…which means no babysitter for me.

Man, that stings. Who’s got liquor?

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Paris Kate May 19, 2011 at 11:46 am

Finishing a book at a coffee shop in a comfy armchair. With a real mug. Not a cardboard one. And then a massage Been a longtime reader and need to share my bourbon slushie recipe with you.

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Jessica V. May 19, 2011 at 1:28 pm

I have 2 favorite “days off” – one is a lot like the one you described above: running random errands that have been piling up, shopping with no time limits!, hitting Target, DSW, Old Navy, etc. The other involves organizing some part of my house that is driving me nuts. Somehow, when life gets to be too overwhelming, putting things straight in the house, and doing it in peace, is truly awesome. Also – both of my days “off” have to include a nap!

AND – I generally do the same thing for my husband (i.e., trying to make it easier for him). Even when I’m just running out to the store in the evening to get milk and diapers (“the kids are fed, homework is done, could you just maybe give one a bath? It doesn’t matter which one – they are both dirty, but you only really have to bathe one – I’ll do the other tomorrow.”) It is like I’m asking permission – gah. And I think I do it out of guilt, which is ridiculous on so many levels. Why do I feel guilty about having time to myself to get shit done that needs to be done anyway?

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Jen Smith May 19, 2011 at 2:22 pm

I would sleep in uninterrupted
Wake up eat a bowl of cereal without having to share
Shower long and hot in total silence
Putz around the mall
Maybe organize the office in the basement
If it’s warm out – float in the pool looking up at the sky and wondering if the transformer blew above me suddenly if it would land in the pool
I would plant my flowers (only in May of course on a perfect day not too hot or cold)
I would call my friends
Finally attempt to write all of these thoughts I have down.
And if that fails – watch all 23 remaining episodes of Grey’s Anatomy I have in my Netflix Queue

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Stacie McDonald May 19, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Ignore the dueling banjos, but we don’t HAVE a Target or Chipotle or Old Navy. Those trips require at least a two hour drive. If you drop the kids off at school at 9 and leave by one with a burrito in hand, you just might get away with it.

It’s a hardship.

http://alotoflayers.blogspot.com/2011/03/small-town-girl-in-tiny-town.html

http://www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

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Sarah May 20, 2011 at 7:20 pm

i would SLEEP…..all day. I wouldn’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom and maybe get some food. Actually I would probably plan ahead and have something to eat and drink on my night stand so that would be taken care of.

So yeah….umm….i would not get out of bed for a full 24 hours. Just sleep and relax and watch stupid you tube videos and read my favorite blogs…..which include this one. :)

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