This post contains spoilers, lots of them!

It occurred to me, internet, that I never reviewed the final book of the Fifty Shades series, Fifty Shades Freed.

Maybe it’s because I was too busy smoking a cigarette or being numb from the waist down, the reason doesn’t really matter, the fact is, it happened, I read it, and now I’m making Andy read it, because yes, I know it’s taboo, but women, real ones, really do like this sort of thing in real life.

The good news is, Fifty Shades Freed has the biggest plot yet, and it doesn’t have to do with sex! Ok, yeah, it does have to do with sex, a little bit, but I mean, I can only take so much humping before my eyes glaze over. To be honest, I’m just glad she finally had something in her backside, the build up was insane.

The beginning of Freed was a little wonky. A lot of flashbacks and jumping around, but it was a means to an ends. As in, we got to learn about the interesting parts of their wedding and honeymoon, without actually having to live through it.

I grew to love Christian Grey in this book. His character really developed and bloomed…even if the blooming was totally fucked up and creepy. And though my eyes rolled, almost all the way to the back of my head, when Ana misunderstood how birth control worked and ended up knocked up (seriously, did she grow up Amish?), I loved the twist it took, and ultimately, how it ended.  Mostly because Andy acted the same way when he found out we were pregnant. Less spanking and anal sex, obviously, but freaked out none the less.

Honestly, I am just glad this whole thing didn’t end with a half vampire baby with a stupid name.

Now, on to the important stuff!  As you may have heard, Fifty Shades of Grey was picked up by a studio and will be made into a movie. I know. I have no idea how that will happen, either. But, I’m excited all the same.

So, in honor of that, I thought I would help the Fifty Shades of Grey movie casting process along with my top picks…


Christian Grey… Armie Hammer, I will never not picture Armie as Fiddy. Period.


Anastasia Steele… Lily Collins, she is the only one who could play this role and not annoy me.


Kate Kavanagh…Ashley Greene, this was tough, honestly I can see Mandy Moore or Ashley Greene in this role.


Elliot Grey… Chase Crawford, I mean, what else is he doing right now? Is Gossip Girl even still on the air?


Taylor… David Morse? You know, that guy that everyone recognizes but has no fucking clue who he is. That guy.
Really, you should all be excited, because previous to whatshisface here, I pictured Chuy as Taylor. So. Yeah.


Mrs. Jones… Helen Mirren. I don’t know, I just picture her cleaning the Red Room of Pain.


Elena aka Mrs. Robinson… Ellen Barkin, as suggested in the comments, brilliant pick!

 Who did you picture as you were reading this series?

Click here for my review of Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker! Laters, baby.

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