Andy doesn’t cook. Not even a little.
In fact, even taking him to the grocery store is maddening.
I’m shopping off a list of a week’s worth of menu items. Andy is filling the cart with beef sticks, Cup-o-Noodles, Red Bull and Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
What should I get to make for dinner tonight?
Well, I got some jerky, hot pickles and cheese, so I am good.
Right, well, there are other people in the house to feed besides just you, Andy, and I don’ think the kids are going to eat that.
I cook, they eat.
I cook, he cleans up. Sometimes.
Tonight we cook together.
Not cook. More…assemble.
We’ve been craving California rolls, and we thought, how hard could it be?
Rice? Check. Seaweed? Check. Avocado, cucumber. Check, check. Crab?
Um, crab.
We’re in Ohio. In February.
When we found crab, it was in a can.
But, whatever, crab is crab.
We made a sort of an assembly line.
It was…hilarious, and messy, and OMG this is going to be the best sushi ever!
Except, guess what. ALL CRAB IS NOT CRAB.
THIS IS THE WORST SUSHI EVER.
We took one bite of the glorious rolls we painstakingly spent hours assembling together, our shirts covered in sticky rice and smeared avocado, and…it tasted like a tin can.
I spit it out onto the plate, and Andy started gagging.
This tastes like a battery, I’m throwing them away.
You can’t just throw away our love rolls, Andy!
But, he did.
We got in the car, ordered hot fries and milkshakes from the McDonalds drive through and drove around the village at night.
We drove past our first house, old fields we made out in in high school, the state forest, left bare from last summer’s tornado.
Aside from the lingering taste of pledge and battery, it was one of the most romantic dinners I’ve ever had.
I wrote this sex-tastic post while participating in a fun campaign on behalf of K-Y© Brand, while I have been compensated for my time, my words and opinions are completely my own and I have not been paid to publish positive commentary.
Relive my entire K-Y Intimacy Experiment! Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7, Day 8, Day 9, and Day 10.
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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Hot. Sweet. Just…AWW!
if I could send you some crab, I totally would. February is the perfect time for crab….in Alaska.
http://acitygirlinalaska.blogspot.com/2011/02/i-dont-go-out-on-sea-ice-because-there.html
Bummer on the sushi. I, like Andy, am completely impaired in the kitchen. So, I’m hungry a lot. And sometimes I “accidentally” drop by my friends’ houses around dinner time. It works for me, although my kids are starting to catch on that I’m a terrible cook. I tell them to make friends with kids whose parents can cook. ‘Cuz I like to teach them life skills.
sounds like a totally awesome date!!!!!!!!!!! I have enjoyed following these!
Loving this series!
A lot of time the ‘crab’ in California rolls is actually ‘krab.’ The imitation stuff. As in Alaskan Pollock or whatever other white fish they can find and roll it out, dye it red on the outside and cook it in crab broth. But, sadly, I like it:) Try that next time, it’s usually available in most grocery stores:)
*LMAO* at “Love Rolls.” This is fabulous. Rock on for even attempting to make sushi together, but McDonald’s is totally a good second choice.
i miss those “dates.” driving around as if gas was priced at .37 a gallon remembering the good times. hmm, maybe it is time to date again?
Aw, I have serious issues making rice, of all things. Never tried this
So did you? Make out in the old fields again?
Remember when you’re first dating someone and you always go somewhere. Like once you meet that person, you feel the urge to fly to the moon. I miss that. Now all I want to do is sit in the house and play farmville.
Now I want sushi! Yum!
You should have used Krab!!!
You know the whole Kids, Dinner, Homework, Baths routine has me whipped most days. I usually stand at the kitchen counter and eat really quick while everyone else is enjoying their food. Sitting. At the table. The funny thing is – my husband thinks a romantic dinner *is* when we go through the drive through because we are sitting next to each other in the truck! At least I’m sitting down.
I miss cooking together; my husband and I used to do that all the time, before we had kids. Now I cook and he corrals/entertains the boys. Then he cleans up. I think we need to start cooking together once a week!
and he knows how batteries taste how?
When I make california rolls when crab is out of season, I use cooked jumbo shrimp instead of the crab. It’s still yummy. I know, it’s a little late to help you now, but maybe for next time???
What IS it with guys and jerky?? Is it like some sort of caveman thing that brings them back to their roots?
Mine never cooks either! His idea of a warm meal is a couple of hot pockets…nutritious.
Perhaps it would have been better served off a naked body?
I don’t think we’ve cooked together. I cook. Or he cooks. Weird. I hadn’t realized until just now.
I’m all for a romantic dinner out in the car! Drive-thru or takeout! No cooking here!
It’s always the uncomplicated that is the most romantic.
Yeah, not so good with the iffy crab!! Stay away from that!! No bueno!
LOVE IT, sometimes the best nights start out with the strangest things!!! Next time try the imitations krab sticks though, not something you would EVER normally buy, but that are actually pretty tastey AND would be easy to roll up in a sushi roll, not to mention if they have them at our local Piggly Wiggly, they have to have them everywhere!! Even the backside of the moon!! :0)
my husband and I have done this…I’ve gotten all wound up about some fancy dinner and it fails. so we end up in the chick-fil-a drive thru. it usually ends up being 1000x better that way.
The only thing my bf can cook is eggs. And I’d never dare to tell him but they aren’t really that good :/
This one would definitely be a patience tester for me.
Hmm…we aren’t too talented and would have started at McD’s!
There is nothing wrong with McDonalds especially if you are getting it with the man you love. My husband and I get fast food as a “date” all the time haha
Oh no! crab in a can would make anyone crabby.
Lesson learned, right? Next time your sushi will be amazing.
This would definitely make sex more fun!
What a fun activity (aside from the nasty crab, of course).
oh, that is so disappointing. Homemade sushi is so much fun, and you could have been your own naked sushi plate girl!
Ha ha! Tin Can sushi! Sooooo funny!!