Check the clock, what time is it right now? Okay whatever time it is, it’s officially way too much time spent being disgusted with yourself. You’ve missed a huge part of your life doing this shit, and it absolutely has to stop.
Here’s the deal. It’s hard not to feel like everyone is out to get you, and only 50% of those people are outside of your own head. Fashion designers, hate mongers on youtube, commenters on the internet, your brain… they are all liars. In case you think maybe you are the only person lumbering about your life with an internal monologue of how much you suck, let me assure you that body shame is not special and it’s not unique. Everyone is just trying to feel better about themselves, and only the most insecure use others to do it.
Wise lyrics from Frazey Ford.
And let me jump in right here to say something. If you are on the receiving end of this abuse, ignore it, it’s not about you. It’s hard to believe that because the person is throwing it at you and it feels personal, but I promise promise promise you, it is not. Nobody gets to say shit about your life, do you hear me? Only you get a say about how you feel about yourself, and they are selfish to assume their words have any weight in your day. You may not love yourself enough right now to believe me, so print all this out and recite it every morning, because what I hope is that if I tell you this enough, eventually, parts of it will stick and grow inside of you.
If you are the one giving this hate, especially in some ignorant attempt to save somebody from themselves, stop it. What you are doing right now may make you feel good in the moment, but it won’t last. And at the end of the day, you’ll have to go to bed knowing you’ve hurt someone today, and at best the receiver of your words will be stuck carrying that hurt around with them for the rest of their lives, and at worst, they’ll physically harm themselves. You have very real blood on your hands. Do you understand that? This doesn’t end for them when you close your computer or put your phone down. This never ends for them. And with that, I’m done addressing you, because as I mentioned before, teaching you how to be nice to fat people isn’t my job.
If you are thinking of hurting yourself and/or need to talk, please call 1-800-273-8255 right now.
I love you too much to lose you. I would selfishly miss you on this Earth too much.
Back to you, the ones who struggle with body image. Here’s is what you’re working on today.
Realize you don’t owe anyone shit. I’m tired of explaining to people that I am healthy so they allow me to like myself. Whether or not you are healthy, have lost weight, have an invisible disorder or disability, went through something traumatic; people aren’t entitled to your story, but they are are required to be kind to you. Today we stop giving them parts of us in response to their shame and hate. We don’t give gifts to mean people, anymore.
Know that not everyone deserves you. I think as fat people, we have spent so much time feeling unwanted or looked over, that we are desperate for attention or to be seen. And it’s that desperation that blinds us to the crappy people around us. Friends who make snarky remarks. Family members who say mean things. Men and women who use you because they see your kindness and longing for love as weakness. You are worth being selective about who you let into your life. What you weigh in no way equates to how people are allowed to treat you.
Stop treating yourself like the unwanted fat girl. No one deserve to be treated badly, and one of the best ways to do that is to show people how they should be treating you. Model it for them and to take the work out of it because heaven knows people are lazy. Empathy and humanity are harder than quick judgement and disgust. Confidence (even the shaky kind), sexiness, value, happiness… people can smell it and it’s contagious. I wear my confidence like one of those creepy cats in heat with their asses in the air. It’s obnoxious and forward, but it shows people there is only one way to treat me… awesome.
Show yourself kindness and happiness. While you are busy demanding it from everyone else, make yourself accountable, as well. Body image is a life long journey, so enjoy it and don’t save all the fun and rewards for the end, because then you’ll never get there. Miserable journeys are the worst. Like driving 1800 miles from Ohio to Florida. I do it twice a year, and if I didn’t stop on the way day for fried pies, Popeye’s Chicken and fresh orange juice, I’d never get there. I’d just stop my car and lay on the road until someone moved me or ran me over. Stop laying on the road and enjoy yourself. Buy yourself clothes that fit and get your hair done. Feeling beautiful isn’t something earned for weight loss. Have sex, with someone or yourself, I don’t care, just do it. Orgasms are deserved, not bones tossed at you by shallow people. Go on adventures. It’s scary out there, I know. People are mean and the world isn’t always accommodating for fat people, but that is no excuse to lose any more of your life to this. You will never get this time back. You will never get this life back. Go live it laughing with friends in bars and exploring foreign countries and screaming your head off at theme parks and pools. It’s what human people do, and that is exactly what you are. Human.
Lastly, know that if you struggle and you need help, email me, Facebook message me, tweet me, scream my name across the restaurant (loudly, I moan when I eat good food), whatever, just reach out. Long journeys do suck, but they’re infinity better with friends.