You know when your partner does something during sex that does nothing for you, but you’re way too nice to say something? Or like when you really want to try something but are afraid to sound like an aspiring internet sex worker?
I mean, for the most part, I’m pretty good at being my own sex advocate. Like in the heat of the moment when Andy started calling me Baby. Over and over baby… baby…. and it was… the most hilarious thing I’d ever heard. He calls me baby exactly never in real life. So hearing it come out of his mouth made me think, wait, did an infant just crawl in here (it’s happened before)? And then I just started laughing. I don’t like dirty talk, it’s too contrived and unbelievable for me in bed. I want him to call me during sex what he calls me in real life. So, like… okay actually he usually just points at me or calls me “go ask your mother.” In fact, the only time he uses my name is when I’m in trouble or he’s renewing our plates at the DMV. But the point is, I asked him to stop or start giving me a nickname in real life, and then transfer that to the bedroom.
But what about the other stuff? The kinkier stuff? The stuff you may admit to your group of best friends when you’re super drunk, but in the light of day, you’re pleading missionary? How do you bring up that stuff?