Sex Everyday for a Year

I just had sex everyday for a year, and I didn’t tell you about it.

But I did video tape it, so check it out -> here!

Just kidding.

I wasn’t even sure I was going to go into it, but here we are. *pats the empty space on the couch*

It was the email that never made the emails, mostly because it was the kind of truth that stung a little too much.

May 22nd, 2012


Hey, could you list 5 things you love about my body?


Butt hair face lips cleavage.


Whoa, slow down Casanova, I’m about to end up pregnant, don’t get so descriptive.


Well to be honest, I haven’t seen you totally naked in years.

Well, shit.

The fact is, I am horrible at intimacy. I come from a family of non-huggers and I sometimes hate my body, so yeah, recipe for Temple Grandin hug machine. My husband is gorgeous and very, very sexy, but the issues we were having in the sack were all me. I could not shut my insecurity off, and sex quickly became a really anxiety inducing experience that went one of two ways.

1. I avoided it, because it was hot and stressful hiding my body under two comforters and a snowsuit in the dark and instead ran a diversion play. I have cramps. I have too many deadlines. Gigi is too scared to sleep alone let’s bring her in the bed with us. Yeah, I used a 4 year old as the most adorable cock-block ever. You can’t be in sex mode after reading three Fancy Nancy books, you just can’t.

2. I tried to explain to him why I was self conscious, and then he asked why him telling me how pretty I was wasn’t enough for me to get over it, and I felt like a horrible, horrible asshole.

So after a lot of crying and shrimp curry, I came up with the plan to have sex every day for a year, barring any medical problems or logistical issues, and he seemed to be pretty okay with it. I wish it could say it was a profound decision, but the truth is, I was getting worried he was losing interest because I acted uninterested out of insecurity, and he was getting nervous about me saying things like, how awesome do separate bedrooms sound!?

(Spoiler alert: I still vote separate bedrooms, but he’s a snorer and sleep chewer who is vehemently against the color mint and my need for body pillows.)

We figured if we focused on intimacy, eventually it’d rekindle all the things we spent sevenish post-birth years back burner’ing out of sheer exhaustion and raging insecurity. This is the same way I got over my fear of eating oysters and driving in the snow. You just make yourself do it until you don’t notice it feels like mucus or like you don’t know how to control a motor vehicle. You make yourself do it until it becomes a place of comfort and safety. You make yourself do it until suddenly, you love it.

Now I can’t speak for Andy, except to say he had a really good time, but for me, a year of sex became less about getting my sex on, and more about getting my brain to stop being an asshole when I took all my clothes off.

It started off pretty rough. I felt like I was always preparing for sex; Whore’s Bath & Sink Shaving Badge #5: UNLOCKED. It got to the end of the day, and as I hunched over the sink washing my face, praying for cold sheets and sleep, I’d realize I still had the whole love-making thing to do, and it was like, awesome, another daily chore. 

But then it stopped being a chore, and became the moment of the day where I was most at peace. Where I could have an actual conversation with my husband and know he was listening to me and not secretly watching television or elbow deep in Lego assembly.

I told a few friends, and they reacted pretty much the same way, oh I could never do that. And I totally get it, but I actually learned a lot about myself between the sheets.

It’s not you, it’s me. Stop being weird about it.

So I disliked my stomach. My thighs. How I looked laying flat on my back. A myriad of irrational things, really, and I’d have the same conversation with Andy about it, telling him I’m self conscious and I just don’t feel sexy, and then he’d spend 10 minutes telling me how gorgeous I am, and then another 30 pouting and being hurt that it wasn’t enough to make me change my mind. So on top of feeling insecure, I felt like a jerk. That needed to stop. I needed to explain to him that him seeing me that way is great, but unless I saw it too, it didn’t count. I mean, at least if he expected me to be an active participant and not just a hole laying on the mattress. It took a lot of talking to make him realize that me not feeling sexy was not an attack on him, and him being hurt about it only made me feel worse. I wanted to enjoy sex, too. And the key for me being able to enjoy it is feeling confident and gorgeous, and that was a me journey, not a him journey, though having a cheerleader on the sidelines was a plus.

We quickly learned, confident Brittany sex is way better.

Pretty panties make me happy.

It’s no secret I love fashion and playing dress up, but I found that when I was at home in mom/wife/muggle/couch mode, I was opting for ease. And that’s fine. Seriously, I am not some bitch here telling you to wear heels to the grocery or pants to school pick up when you aren’t even getting out of the car and it’s a total waste of clean pants. But one day I was getting dressed for an outside wedding shower in 90 degree heat, and decided to forgo shapewear for regular underwear, when I realized the only underwear I owned was either ratty maternity underwear or cheap 99 cent briefs I grabbed at the end of a Walmart aisle to get me through my period week. No wonder I didn’t feel sexy, I had the undergarments of an incontinent nursing home patient.

So I went to Cacique and stocked up on 5 for $25 panties. Some were plain and some were lacy, and when I wore them they looked so pretty across my hips. I’d even find myself walking from my closet to the bathroom wearing them, a stark contract to the primal run I did covered in a towel with my spanx shoved into a ball of clothes in my hands when I thought Andy wasn’t paying attention.

I went back to buy more underwear, and even some cute lingerie that I tried on in the store and sent photos of to Andy at work. Needless to say, he was excited, but it was more than that. The effort I put into wearing the cute panties, even if they were under a pair of jeans or sweat shorts, made me feel insanely gorgeous, and my brain needed that.

I am my own sex advocate.

I like being on my knees and I’m not an inside climaxer, I’m an outside climaxer. I do like oral sex, but I don’t like having my nipples touched, because they are numb. I also hate having breath on my neck because I am extremely ticklish, and then I get goosebumps and my leg hair grows in too fast. Please stop doing that.

All that? I had to work on being okay saying all that out loud, and get over the idea that I was being a selfish, demanding nympho. I deserve good sex as much as he does, and instead of waiting around for him to figure it out, which is totally unfair to guys by the way, I had to find my voice and use it.

Coincidentally, it was a major turn on. Who knew?

Now what, nympho?

We’re not hell bent on doing it everyday anymore, but we definitely make more of an effort, and it helped us be a lot more open with each other. I mean, if you have “ball shaving” as a monthly google calendar alert, it’s safe to say you’re comfortable talking about almost anything.

August 5th, 2013


Alright man take two, five things you love about my body.


Only 5? I’d pick the curve of your waist between your boobs and your butt, the spot on your wrist where you dab perfume, your hair when you take it down in the morning, the really soft skin between your boobs, and all the freckles on your arms and shoulders.


Weird, those are my 5 favorite things, too. We have similar tastes in body parts, I should show you my freezer collection sometime.




Facebook Comments



  1. Jamie says

    I just decided I’m going to get some cute undies this weekend because you are right – they do make you heel hotter.

    Question though – weren’t there days where you HONESTLY just never got into it? I would love to try 30 days (I’m scared of a whole year) but what if I fall asleep before the deed gets done? On top of my insecurity is my obsessive brain where if I say “doing this for a month” and one time it doesn’t happen then I hate myself for failing.

  2. Megan says

    Thank you for writing this. They are the words that few woman have been able to express. Right after I got done reading this I put on some scanty panties and took a bunch of pictures for my boyfriend. He was so excited!. His response: marry me. Ha!
    But in all seriousness I’ll keep this in my pocket every time that I start to do the locker room clothes change in front of my man. He loves me exactly how I am (and all of the ways that I have been before) and so should I.

    • jon says

      What I find surprising is all the news traction this topic garnered in short order. It seems normal to me, I guess. People vary, of course, over a wide spectrum. But what else is new?

      My wife and I have been having sex at least once a day for more than 35 years, schedules allowing of course. At first, it was from 2 to 3 times a day but we operate two businesses now and have children and grandchildren over almost every day now. So we find that once a day (no matter what, pretty much) works for us well, given all of the work each day (about 12 hrs a day for each of us at work, not counting our home farm maintenance and repairs.) My wife is my first and only and we’ve known each other since kids. She’s 2 yrs older and used to babysit me, in fact, when I was 8 and 9. I liked her a lot then, too. She’s a professional stand-up comedian, writer, and voice talent and I’m just a very mathy physics/engineer type. She puts things together in ways I cannot anticipate, even now after knowing her this long. Very smart and creative. I’m never bored. And of course I love her without condition and even if she decided someone else could better serve her life goals I’d always be there for her in any capacity she allowed me. I am her best friend first, lover second. I know where my priorities lay.

  3. Becky says

    This was awesome. I declared “sex every day for a month!!” once but got as far as telling all my friends about it and flipping my hair a bunch acting all sexy and then I got home and passed out at 8pm covered in Mexican wedding cookie dust.

    Not to focus on the minutiae here, but goosebumps making your leg hair grow in faster?! Holy shit I thought that was just me. It’s true, right? Have you ever purposely turned on the cold water to give yourself goosebumps while you shave, to try to get an extra day of smooth legs out of it? Totally worth the scabs.

  4. Kristen says

    I need to send this to my husband to read…tonight. The weird thing about this is that he is the one that helped me get over my body issues and enjoy sex when we first got together, and now he is the one having the problem and I’m the one begging him for sex!!! It’s a very strange twist, and one I do not know how to help him with. But perhaps reading this would help him explain it to me a little better, and be motivation to try it ourselves! Thanks Brittany for yet another WONDERFUL blog post! :-)

    • Stacy says

      We have the same problem! Not that he helped me get over body issues but at the beginning he begged for sex and now its me pouting on the other side of the bed because he doesn’t want me. But now we share a bedroom with our 2 baby and have to worry about the noises waking him up. Man we need a bigger house.

  5. says

    If more people blogged with this type of honesty and freshness, the blogosphere wouldn’t be the rank toilet bowl it currently is.
    Hat tip to Angie Uncovered for leading me here…

  6. says

    AMAZING post. My favourite line? “No wonder I didn’t feel sexy, I had the undergarments of an incontinent nursing home patient” — it described my underwear collection for SO LONG haha. I’ve spiced that up too though (thank you Victoria Secret sales at Christmas and a sister who got stuck with my name in the secret Santa and knew I was tired of rocking granny pantie period pants).

    My husband and I have never really had an issue having regular sex (cause I LOVE sex), but I’ve recently been more verbal about the things I REALLY love, which is a lot of fun. 😉

  7. says

    I relate to this on so many levels. Not that I avoid sex, because I don’t. He has a low libido, and I have a high one. I came to grips with it, and started buying quality sex toys (they’ve made a huge difference). I relate to the body issues, and all of the things that go with it. How I felt about my body was evident in the way I dressed. It’s funny you mention Cacique. I just bought my first round of cute undies (the same exact deal in fact), for the first time in years, last month! I did the exact same thing. I bought some cute boy shorts, some lacy ones. It’s incredible that some underwear can change how we feel so much.

    Then there is the bit about the “pleasure zones”. My husband is a boob guy, and I’m not all that interested. I have to seriously concentrate sometimes to feel anything. He’s all about it, so I had to wrap my mind around the idea of visual stimulation. I mean it sounds easy enough, but it’s hard to do when all you want to do is shove their head further south. The neck is a toss up for me. It’s either amazing, or watch out for my elbow b/c it’s waaay to sensitive.

    This was absolutely fantastic to read. Thank you so much for writing this, and not holding back. I found this by sheer chance on a facebook share. I’m so glad that I clicked on it, rather than kept scrolling.

  8. says

    This is one cute blog post! for anyone, at any stage of their romping life, that I’m delighted to share it with the girls,

    cheers my dears :-)

  9. says

    I really didn’t want to comment on this simply because you were at 69 comments and it just seems so appropriate. But I couldn’t help myself. I really appreciate this post. The honesty. The humor. Thank you for it!

  10. Christine says

    This may be the creepiest thing ever but like, what about your period?! Because I am so inspired to do this in spite of my horrific body image plus this antidepressant making me never in the mood until it’s already happening and I want to do it…… But what about that one week a month…? Also totally email me if this is too personal Lola AWKWARD. But legitsies. I wanna do this but for the… You know.

    • Anna says

      Throw down an old towel and do it anyway! You’ll both look like Dexter when it’s over, but it’s worth it.

    • Brittany says

      Good question. This often fell under the “logistical or medical” issue. I’m not against it, but sometimes, a girl needs to be crampy and whatnot in peace:)

  11. Amy says

    Christine what anti-depressants are you on? I was on Paxil years ago and oy did it kill the sex drive big time. Mention your concerns to your doc and try something else? I am currently on Effexor and still have some sort of a sex life 😉

    • Allie says

      Same here, both Paxil and Zoloft ruined my sex drive, but with Effexor I’ve had no side effects and probably even an increased libido with the chemically helped positive moods haha. One of the best posts I’ve read on here. Truly love everything you say Brittany!

      • Lisbeth952 says

        Cymbalta is another good one – I take 1/3 of the dose of Effexor I had to take and have zero issues with low sex drive now. :-)

  12. TrishDish says

    This. Is. Brilliant.

    My husband has an aversion to sex related to combat-induced PTSD. I wish he could just let go like you have.

    • Homestead says

      Whoa. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD (not combat related) about a year ago and I’ve never made the connection…. I’m going to have to think about this for a while now….. Thanks TrishDish!

  13. Alexis says

    THANK YOU so much for this! All of your insecurities and reasons for avoiding sex are exactly what is keeping me from it as well. Every time I have a “fat day” or the scale hasn’t budged or I’m bloated, etc etc, just means another day that there’s zero chance of my husband seeing me naked. Unfortunately, that occurs about 360 days a year. I think I may need to give this a try! Maybe not every day, but forcing myself on days when I feel my worst. Also, love the talking about things you like and don’t like! I too hold back on sharing this information, while cringing and being grossed out every time he licks all over my nipples lol!

  14. says

    This is so sweet.
    It’s funny I wrote something recently on similar topic (how to have sex with the lights on) on Blogher.

    It is so important what you said that YOU have to feel sexy for it to “count.” Confidence is like any “muscle”. We need to build it up over time.
    Also, the openness of talking about what we really like is so key. Without it, of course the sex is going to be sub-par.

    Kudos for having sex everyday, though! Don’t think I could do that.

    I’ll leave my link here, but if that is unwanted, I apologize and just delete it.

  15. says

    So this particular song wasn’t one of the singles Justin Timberlake released from his album of the same name, but it’s definitely the hottest. JT sends our libido into overdrive on ‘FutureSex/LoveSound,’ with his breathy, whispery singing and bass-heavy rhythm. This top sex song also features lyrics such as, “Wait a second / She’s hopped up on me / I’ve got her in my zone / Her body’s pressed up on me / I think she’s ready to blow.” Phew! How jealous of Jessica Biel are you right now, ladies? We want JT breathing these lyrics in our ear!

  16. says

    This is the best thing I’ve read all week. You’re a great writer and I love and appreciate your honesty and sense of humor, especially the line about trying to get your brain to stop being an asshole. My brain used to be an asshole too but it’s getting a lot better! Sex every day for a year sounds awesome if you really like the person you’re having sex with!

  17. Shanae says

    I came here from reading this blog on the Huffington Post. It’s late so I’ll say this…loved the article and I love this blog. You rock and I’ll definitely be back!

  18. says

    Ok, seriously, you’re freaking me out. There must be some kind of space-time-contiuum shift, because everything you’ve just written is exactly what I’ve thought/felt/written, from the goosebumps that grow hair to the sexy panties. I was inspired a few months back to embark on a journey similar to yours (30 days instead of 1 year!) and now reading your post, I’m even more inspired to embark on my own. Thank for being so brutally honest about it as well as explaining the emotions involved with poor body image and its effect on our partners. Thank you!

  19. says

    omg. i am in love. I saw this on Huffington post. as a single, celibate 30something i was intrigued upon seeing the title on the side bar. So, I clicked over to your site and first, read through all the emails. OMG. I almost lost it at work!!!

    I tried to post something on a Chubby Girl post, but the comments were closed. So, I have to share my newfound love for you somewhere, so here it is. Personally I’m technically overweight, but as far as I know, acceptably healthy. I don’t have issues with ANY of those obesity related diseases everyone goes on about. And a couple months ago I put away my scale semi-permanently. I have not weighed myself at home in 2+ months. I weight MAYBE once a week at the gym just to make sure I haven’t ballooned up without realizing it. And I am focusing on what makes me happy, what makes me feel strong, what makes me feel sexy and confident. And ya know what? It’s working. I spend a fair amount of time thinking “B–ch I’m FABULOUS” If I feel like someone is judging me. I have been spending a significant amount of time admiring what a fantastic a$$ I have and how amazing my legs are. And it feels FREAKING FABULOUS. Love you. will now be permanently following everything you write for the rest of time. :)

  20. Lisa says

    Thank you for saying all of this. I have body issues after two kids and gaining weight. I’m now losing weight and getting a bit doughy but, you know, you are so right…I’m going to take it on board. Glad I found your blog!

  21. says

    * stands and applauds *

    That was awesome. I found your blog via DailyMail, and I’m so glad I did. You’re hilarious! And I always advocate at least a 30 day sex everyday challenge, even if it’s only with myself!! So glad to have found you, and I’ll be forwarding this article to my friends!

  22. Jaime Nicholson says

    I saw you on the Today show this morning and had to look up your blog. Everything you were describing was me in a nutshell. Three kids, never got back to pre-pregnancy weight and feel overwhelmingly self conscious to the point where I do the same thing. Avoid, avoid avoid. It is a miserable way to live and does nothing short of kill your relationship. I am realieved to know there are more people out there who go through this and now with your inspiration will have to approach it a completely different way. I am looking forward to bringing my sexy back!! :)

  23. Denise says

    I can 100% relate to this article because this is totally me too!!! I love it! I feel like I’m not alone now!

  24. says

    Hi Brittany,

    I read this post and just had to comment. As a mom with a website of her own, dedicated entirely to helping moms have better sex, this blog post intrigued and inspired me.

    “You make yourself do it until suddenly, you love it.”

    Sex is hard for so many women, especially moms after having babies. The farther away we get from a time when we enjoyed sex, the more difficult and scary sex seems. We think something is wrong with US because sex isn’t the way it used to be. Taking time to rediscover sex as moms, rediscover what works for us, turns us on, how to communicate about sex, and most importantly, just HAVING sex, can make all the difference between a non-existent sex life and a fun and active one.

    Thank you for posting this, thank you for sharing your journey. It is important and valuable to all moms and your experience is a universal one on many levels.

    Sarah Phifer

  25. Christi says

    This is something that me and my husband were talking about last night. I think your blog is a heaven sent. Thanks for sharing your experience. I am happy to know that I am not the only one who is faced with this probably.

  26. says

    Makes me want to start dating again. An extra 30 lbs has been holding me back because I used to be reasonably hot and enjoyed sex. Getting wayyyyy curvier after 3 years recovering from 3 ortho surgeries made me stop dating and my standard line is, ” I enjoy being single.” Not really. But maybe I can get past this chubby tummy and buy some nice underwear again.

  27. Cindy says

    You are so right. New underwear certainly make a difference in how YOU feel about yourself. I have invested in some this summer and now I find myself in the mood much more often. Thanks for posting. I just now found your blog and will certainly continue to come back!

  28. Stephanie says

    You are spot on about the undies…
    I have some Cacique undies that my hubby says reminds him of ice cream…He loves it when I wear those, and so do I.

  29. says

    OK, so you have 99 comments and you don’t need one more…BUT I was wondering if you and I were separated at birth?! I could have written every single word you wrote, but totally wouldn’t have…besides the body image, breath on my neck, sex part, I feel like we are the same person…and I LOVE using elipses!! While I have always been vocal about my wants in bed, I have been avoiding it like the plague…and I wish the hubs telling me how beautiful I am was enough too. I’m thinking about sending this link to him…except he’ll want to have sex every day for a year. We’ll see! HA!

    BTW, I just found your site and you are pretty amazing!

  30. KT says

    I am so inspired by you. I read your blog regularly. I at one point was quite overweight and now consider myself “what I’m happy with so screw what anyone else thinks” weight, but struggle regularly with accepting my body, which I’ve had a hard time with as long as I can remember. My boyfriend and I have been together for years and although I’m in my early twenties we rarely have sex. It’s bothered me for well over a year and makes me worry I’m not what he needs. He doesn’t pressure me at all but I can tell occasionally he’s concerned. Mostly I don’t feel beautiful, or I don’t want to do it in daylight, or I’m not confident enough to say what I want.

    But this is IT. This is exactly what I needed. I’m sure my bank will thank you as I’m about to go drop a shitload of cash on lacy underthings (and of course..have a run at being more confident in the bedroom)! :)

  31. says

    Ok, so I happened upon this long story short, through a slipcover story. Love the honesty. The more you do it, the more you want to. While we definitely do not have sex every night, we do try to see if we can attempt to several nights a week. I finally got the Mr. to understand that it starts with the head for a woman. You have to get us in the mood starting in the morning all the way to the end of the night. He got it. He also laughs when younger guys at work are complaining about getting nothing and he may get sex twice in one day. You are so right about having to get over our bodies, we are not perfect, what we see as major flaws our husbands, most of the time do not even notice. They are still thinking about how they will be getting sex that night. Alaina

  32. David says

    My Wife and I have been doing this for the past several years and like you we had a poor sex life before we started on this quest. I purchase lingerie for her – including very pretty panties – nothing sleazy but I like tap panties a lot.. She insists on wearing panties to bed – but I also by nightgowns from chemises to long gowns – no problem they make her comfortable and she looks fantastic in them – also teddies – which happen to open down below. We like mornings best – and she chooses what to wear to bed and we wake early with a smile.

    Oh and the every day part – it was her idea….. We had tried a schedule before that and she was enjoying herself and oral sex too enough that she decided to dress for bed each and every night and we enjoy one another each and every morning.

  33. says

    This is an amazing post! You’ve seriously inspired me. My hubs and I are going for it, sex for 365 days. Not only because it does sound like a fun challenge, but more importantly because we need this for our relationship. We need a change and hopefully, this will give us what we need. Thank you!!!

  34. James says


    I stumble on a link to your video interview on CNN. I am going to give my wife this post and ask that we talk about this. We have been married for five years and the last four have been celibate. I don’t know what else to do about our marriage. I just hope actually reads this and this may give her pause to think.


  1. […] “Además de la sensación de inseguridad, me sentía como una idiota. Eso tenía que terminar. Tenía que explicarle que aunque él me veía de esa manera tan sexy, si yo no me veía así también no contaba”, relata Brittany en su blog. […]

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