The Sprats

Jack Sprat could eat no fat.

His wife could eat no lean.

And so between them both, you see,

They licked the platter clean.

The other day, out of the blue, Andy asked me if I found him as attractive as I did in high school.

My immediate reaction was to laugh, which I did, not to be mean, but I thought, God what a ridiculous question.

He looked hurt and I felt like such a dick, but dude, I’ve never been on this side of the insecurity line before, I had no idea how to act, so I laughed out of awkward confusion. Like at funerals.

It was a MY GRANDMA’S DEAD I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER laugh.

But yes, regardless, wrong reaction, especially toward someone who’s not only been, but lived indefinitely, on this side of the insecurity line before, and has handled me with grace and kindness and absolute patience for my many, many, break downs.

But in a way, I guess it was funny to me, because he’s obviously hot, and I’ve always felt lucky to have even turned his head, because, well… I’m sorta totally bigger than him.

Remember how we did that video a few years ago about how if there was a fire and the only pants I could grab in an emergency were Andy’s, I would be pantsless outside my burnt down house because I would never ever fit in his tiny jeans?

That is my life. Big girl. Little guy.

From the Honeymooners to King of Queens to The Flinstones, you just don’t see very many mainstream situations where the girl is the big part of the equation.

It felt horrible, like that people would wonder why on Earth he was staying with me. When we’d go out to eat, he’d order a steak and potatoes, and I’d order, like, a salad because I was afraid people would be all, ohhhh honey, noooooo.

So here we are now, and I’m seeing how ludicrous I was for the last fifteen years.

Do I find him as attractive as I did in high school, with his size 30 waist, boney arms and baby face?

college andy

Nope.

Vacation Needed

Did he gain weight? Yes, thank God. Does he have salt and pepper hair? For sure, it’s sexy as hell, and I beg him not to dye it. He’s so much fucking hotter now, and if given the choice between High School Andy and Now Andy, I’d pick Now Andy every time.

The Andy with the sexy beard and the muscular arms and the eye crinkles.

(Insert epiphany here.)

Mrs. Sprat had a huge ass and a banging rack, and she probably didn’t wonder one iota why Jack stayed with her even though her pants size was bigger than his. And it’s about fucking time we all did the same.

 

 

 

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  1. Patty says

    Thank you so much for this post, you have no idea how close to home this hits for me. I’m not a small girl by any means, on the borderline of plus sizes, but not quite mentally ready to make the jump to shop in that section – my fiance on the other hand, is a tall, skinny beanstalk. Able to eat whatever and as much as he likes, and still have his collarbones and hip bones protrude visibly. I always feel like outsiders are judging when we go out, since I weigh more than him. I’m always amazed that he finds me sexy.

    Thank you for all your encouragement.

  2. Michelle says

    God how i LOVE those eye wrinkles! And my man has 4 wrinkles up his forehead. Love them. Enjoy your man Brittney!

  3. Amber says

    LOVE. Couldn’t love this any more. I too am larger than my husband and I think we’re both hotter now than when we met 8 yrs ago. Thank you!

  4. HeatherMarie says

    I love this. I also find the trope of chubby guy, skinny hot wife really off putting, like women my size can only marry other chubsters.
    I do love the hs picture of you and the hubs tho. =)

  5. says

    I always call us Mr. & Mrs. Sprat. my husband is 6’3″ and maybe 215lb, & I am 5’5″ and…size 12-14. he eats like a pig, fast food, tons of beer, candy, junk, etc. no adipose tissue on him. Me? I eat like a salad at 3 in the afternoon & you couldn’t sink me. I’m a floater. in fact, if you were drowning, you should hang on to my thigh.

  6. Betsy says

    ROFLMAO. I just went back and watched your “Pants in a Fire” video.
    Andy- Like the time you took my car battery out. Frankly I’m shocked you even figured out how to get it out.
    HAHAHA =)

  7. Meg says

    I love this!! My husband and I are the same way…Big curvy me, skinny him. He’s started to (finally) put on some weight and look so much healthier now and I love every freaking inch of it. :)

  8. Candi says

    Love your words of wisdom…only “Sprat” example I could think of…Miss Kay on Duck Commander {how sad after setting my brain on fire, this was the ONLY example I could recall in bigger woman/skinnier man scenario?}

  9. says

    You and Andy are ridiculously cute together. I totally feel the same. Number one, my husband looks nothing like he did in high school. He’s bald now, and i freaking love it!!! Total Vin Disel!! And i have had bigger pants than him since i gave birth to my second child. I do have a hard time with it sometimes, but you really are like a ray of sunshine. You make me care about it a little less! Thank you for that! Your awesome!

  10. Stephanie says

    I use the phrase “eye crinkles” too! Awesome…hahaha. And I love that my husband has them too!

  11. jasi says

    we met in high school also and i love my man as is.. but sometimes, i beg him to change his hair. it goes something like this. me: “but you were a blonde when we met!” him: “surely you knew it was dyed, i’m asian” me: “but still.. it was pretty hot..” him:
    we had this discussion in reverse where he thought i’d look cute with my hair long, just as when we first met. i did it. i now spend 40 EXTRA minutes drying my hair, spend way too much time and $$ on carrying this head around. time for him to pony up! get me a frost cap and some benadryl.

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