Yeahhhhh…. no.
I know my body. I know my thighs. I know how attractive I look fishing fabric out of the fold of my vagina.
Bottom line? I am not built for shorts. Even at my thinnest, like in high school when I thought I was a fat ass but would now drink the blood from the neck of a slaughtered lamb to have that body back, I still couldn’t pull off shorts.
So it’s completely understandable I spend my summers in jeans, more specifically, drunk in jeans, because who feels global warming when you’re drinking high proof garage brewed moonshine? Nobody.
But, we’re vacationing in Florida and I needed some options, so I decided to revisit the whole skirt and dress thing, even though, like jeans, I had previously written them off as well, you know, due to the crotch sweat and chaffing. You’d think with all the rubbing, eventually I’d just stop growing hair between my thighs entirely, like some sort of natural hippie hair removal, but no dice. In the past, I’ve been known to toss on a pair of Andy’s boxer briefs, sometimes even biker shorts, to combat the whole chub rub, but I don’t need the extra bulk or heat, so after some experimenting, I’ve decided Suave Clinical deodorant works the best for me. It’s like Secret Clinical, but without whatever magic witch doctor shit they put in it to alter your armpits in a way that no other normal priced deodorant will work for you again, ever.
Here’s what I’m wearing this week.
Many of you saw this gem from my instagram feed, and voiced approval with a resounding OMG I NEED THIS NOW. Trust me, I felt the same way when I laid my eyes on it a few weeks ago. This maxi skirt is from my latest eye-candy obsession, Hazel & Olive. So, here’s the thing, I’ve talked about dressing to shape over size about a million times now, but this is a concrete example. When I stumbled across Hazel & Olive, I was all, awww these skinny person clothes are adorable, how fun for them, let me eat my feelings about this in the lululemons I also can’t fit into. But, after clicking around and checking out a few things, I discovered that there might just be some totally workable pieces in there for my body, and since it was cheap enough, I might as well give it a go. This maxi skirt is one of those pieces. It has an elastic waist and a fabric with stretch, not to mention, the pattern is gorgeous, and when I put it on and it fit, everyone got laid.
Tip: Many of you asked how I was able to wear a thin strapped tank top and a bra with this outfit, and the answer is, a thin strapped bra. Which is super rare for us big ladies, but I am a fan of the tshirt and cotton demi bras at Lane Bryant. The straps are thinner, and easy to blend in with typical thin strapped camis.
Gypsy Soul Maxi Skirt, size XL, Hazel & Olive $39
Black Fitted Cami, size XXL, target $8
Gold Necklace, POPSUGAR
Gold Bangle Bracelets, Lane Bryant
UPDATE! Hazel & Olive has SOLD OUT of this skirt, but an amazing reader found it on Amazon, click here before it’s gone!
Hold the phone. Is that my midriff? IS THAT A FAT GIRL MIDRIFF?? Fuck yes it is, now let’s talk about it. I fell in love with this blue skirt last season at the Gap. I had been watching Mama Mia a lot, an I eat a lot of baklava, so I was just crushing on all things Greek, and this skirt fit that fantasy in my head where I was eating fish on a balcony in Santorini with some hot guy we can all say was Andy, but also sorta looked like Colin Firth. But the skirt was like $90, an that is not in my Taco Bell budget. Brittany doesn’t pay 90 Burritos Supremes for clothes. So, for months, I stalked the skirt, watching it fall in price more, and more, and more, until finally, finally, it was a much more reasonable 19 soft tacos. Victory was mine. Move over Sisters of the Traveling Pants, this bitch was going to Greece, metaphorically, really it was more like a Greek version of northern Ohio. but we have donkeys here, so it’s like the same thing. I played with this skirt a lot, and one of my favorite looks is just throwing it on with a super distressed denim shirt that I knot in the front and add some fun jewelry. Because that’s the beauty of maxi skirts, they hide exactly what you need them to hide? Fat thighs? No worries, they’ll be covered. Skirt too long? Tie a cute knot at he bottom along the side. Belly flap? Who cares, shove that shit below the waist band, and nobody is the wiser, which happens to be exactly what I do with maxi skirts, especially since the smallest part of my waist is right below my ribs. I explored Florida like a sexy Greek lady, and I felt gorgeous. Play with your clothes, y’all. Always.
Blue Silk Maxi Skirt, size XXL, Gap $19.99
Distressed Denim Button-Up Shirt, size 4 Target
Jewelry, Francescas
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I have to say I love those maxi skirts – but I would have to get them hemmed – I have NO legs and am pretty darn short. 🙁
Charisse~ I’m short, 5’3” and wear long skirts all the time without hemming them. I simply gather some fabric from the hem, usually on the side, and make a knot! Super cute!
Beautiful in all the looks. Now, I am short, 5’4 on a good day, between a size 22 and 26 and with massive boobs (like F cups people). How the heck, or can I even, pull off a maxi skirt? Or am I stuck in my jeans all summer in CALIFORNIA of all places!?
Same here, only I am 5’3″, and sporting DDD’s (so, not the same right? but close). I LOVE maxi skirts and dresses. On the hanger. I put them on and I look like I’m drowing in fabric. It makes me sad. I would love to look as cute in a maxi as Brittany!
I love a maxi skirt.
Curses! Why does the Gypsy skirt have to be sold out?! Now I has a sad.
Love love! Once again you’re an inspiration. Going to get that deodorant for my thighs (there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say) and check out that skirt and bra. FAB!!
I’ve been wearing leggings under my line maxi dress (purchased at Ross) to avoid chafing and sweat running down my legs. I’ll have to attempt the suave clinical because sweating out Texas summers with leggings under my dress will have me begging for some of that moonshine.
“Brittany doesn’t pay 90 burrito supremes for clothes” Made me spit out my coffee. I now need to go purchase a maxi skirt. Looking good lady!
I love maxi dresses!! Can’t wait to add to my collection of them this summer, these are just beautiful 🙂
“Gypsy Soul Maxi Skirt
Bohemian style maxi skirt. Runs a bit generous so I suggest going 1 size down.” (I laughed so hard at this)
“$39.00 (Sold out) ”
SOLD OUT! I guess everyone got there before I did.. I will continue to stalk the website until it comes back in stock!
Love the skirts! Re: the chub rub, Monistat makes a product called Soothing Care Powder Gel that I have used for years and love. I have a hard time finding it in stores now, but you can buy it off of drugstore.com.
Love that first maxi skirt! Totally going on their website now!!! I also can not wear shorts, they don’t look right on me and haven’t since I was 9. Pale Irish Skin + Bruises easily=not pretty
SOLD OUT! Boooooohoooooooooo. I loved it!
I agree about the Monistat product. It is awesome. I keep it in my purse all summer. You just reminded me I need to go pick some up! I have a few maxi skirts, and after seeing these I want to try to get more!!!
You done sold them out of that damn skirt!! Good job girlie.
I LOATHE maxi skirts. LOATHE. But that’s because when I was much heavier, I was proportioned differently than many women. My legs stayed muscular and relatively thin, but my gut (Gunt? it all kind of morphed together) was the fat part of me. So a maxi skirt was designed solely to hide the only body part I felt I had to offer the world as “acceptable.” Obviously, I was crazy and hated myself, but I always kind of liked my legs. Related: I still can’t really cope with jean shorts. They push my ass down into my thighs and create weird skin rippling right below the hem. So I spend my summers in speed shorts, which fit the butt, fit the waist, but leave room for thighs. Love them. And still hate Maxi skirts. But you look adorable in them.
Am I the only one who sees a vagina hieroglyph in the fabric of the first one?
Love that maxi. Mad it was sold out so I went on a mad hunt and found the same thing on amazon. Flying Tomato Boho Maxi Skirt search and victory was mine! Probably still some left…..
Super cute. I’m really glad to have discovered skirts for summertime, I spend too many summers either horribly uncomfortable in shorts or sweltering in jeans.
Now all your readers will have matching maxi skirts! It will be the official uniform of Brittany’s army for change!
But seriously, looking gorgeous as usual mama!
I have spent the last 2 summers wearing the strapless sundresses from Victoria’s Secret. They aren’t as long as a maxi but long enough for me to feel my legs are covered. The top is like a tube top so it’s stretchy and the dress is flowy to cover my lumps and bumps. I rarely wear jeans or capris anymore. Just so much cooler and more comfortable in my dresses! These dresses and a loose tank with built in bra, are about the only things I can wear from VS.
Another great solution to the “chub rub ” is silicone personal lubricants! A Pure Romance consultant suggested it at a party I was at last spring and what a life saver! Even lasts through water, like sweat and waterparks. Granted periodic re applications are needed it’s way better than walking like you just rode a horse for 20 hours straight!
wow you look great in both skirts!! im jealous!! i can’t find a maxi skirt that looks decent on me 🙁
The monistat soothing powder gel is great but it is difficult to find. I found a Gold Bond product called Friction Defense that works well. I use it on my legs and under my arms here in sweaty FL. I even use it under my DDD’s when I run because I get tore up from the underwire sports bras. I got it at Target.
Ooh, I love that skirt, but it isn’t in my budget right now. Does anyone know if Hazel & Olive are going to be ordering more?
You are beautiful – and inspiring! I think I might just have to add some maxidresses to my wardrobe thanks to your recommendations!
De-lurking to post another vote for the Monistat Chafing gel. You can find it at Target in the yeast infection section for about $6. I’ve never not been able to find it there but maybe it varies by area. I also use this product as a primer under my makeup. It’s actually a dupe for Smashbox Photo Finish primer.
wow this is gorgeous. oh i long for the day i can wear a cami out and about without a giant cardi over the top to hide my tuckshop arms and chubby back 🙁 we will be in florida in october (after travelling from australia) and i can only hope i look half as good while i am there 🙂
these looks are gorgeously to die for. also i love that your cost benefit analysis is done in tacos. mine is usually in dole whips.
Amazon.com = 1 left. Large (8-10). Damn!
Cheers,
Caryl
Love you. To pieces. Also, do you ever check out Asos.com? They have a curve line.. some pieces cost way too many gorditas but they have a lot of unique stuff that’s lower priced and great sales. One big girl to another. You look gorgeous, so happy for everything you’ve got going for you!
All I have to say is that you put a goddamn grin on my face everytime I read your posts. You light up my day. Thank you !
Re: “Chub Rub” – Body Glove also makes a great product for this problem. I live in the steamy, humid South and love skirts so I’ve found a couple of solutions for this. My favorite is split slips and pettipants. You can find them at The Vermont Country Store (online). They make your skirts skim over the trouble spots and help with the chafing.
I ,too, on a daily basis wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass, while telling my “Oh, I’m SO Fat self to STFU and take plenty of boudoir photos!”
You look amazing in both–tres disappointed first skirt is sold out but gonna try for the Gap Blue one now….these companies need to be sponsoring your blog or paying you commish.
I NEVER wear shorts. I don’t even own them (except for a few pairs of Umbros I can’t get rid of).
I actually think long skirts and dresses are more comfortable and cooler than shorts. They also don’t make my crotch sweat as much, which is always a bonus.
Love the skirts. It looks like you’re ready to join us down here in the Florida heat. Enjoy your vacation.
This is going to sound strange but I have used Preparation H and it works wonders. I spent a sweaty weekend in Ohio last year at a music festival and got some wonderful chub rub while wearing my skirts. But, I put some Prep H on it and not only did it fix the chub rub I continued using it as anti-chub rub and left the festival feeling victorious against chub rub. Also, you look fabulous as usual! I need some Hazel & Olive in my life!
So about shorts, the problem is always the same: they ride up. If they didn’t ride up, and as long as they are long enough, they are just like short pants, yeah? So one summer, me and my sis (who is really tall and well-padded, so has been doing workarounds for clothes her whole life) figured out that if we could weigh down the hem of the shorts, they’d stay down, not ride up, not allow chafing, yada. My sis had been reading about how Chanel suits (think they were) had weights in the hem of the jacket so they always hung perfectly, and bingo, and idea was born. We had some epic fails, such that shorts actually fell down from all the weight, but eventually we figured out that pennies, slipped into as slit cut into the hem of the shorts, would keep them down, and prevent the smoke and risk of fire from thigh rubbage. If some smart designer would just steal our idea, we maybe could get shorts that everyone could wear. I still put pennies in my shorts hems, because I had to throw away all my pictures from my trip to Indonesia due to the fact that in every one, my shorts are in my fanny…
So, about the inner thigh chafing – get thee some Monistat Soothing Care Powder Gel: http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=139254&catid=184078&aid=338666&aparam=goobase_filler&device=c&network=g&matchtype=
Best of all – it’s actually the exact same formula as Smashbox foundation primer, so use it on your thighs and your face. I can’t find it in stores, so every Spring, I order several boxes of it to last through the hot as Hades South Carolina summers I’m forced to endure.
Hi Brittany, I was diagnosed with IBS and shock after my dad died suddenly a year and a half ago. My body changed completely and although I’d never believed your body is who you are, I did lose a sense of myself.
I’ve gained a lot of weight and people I know recommend dieting and exercise but the Doctors say to accept my new shape as it’s a metabolism change. I’m slowly learning to accept my new body and actually like it, I’m a way off yet but I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog and your Ted talk. You have a great attitude, a beautiful family and the most amazing hair. Your bikini mountain challenge has really inspired me and I will definitely be staying very closely tuned from now on. Cara xx
For the chafing – I use BODY GLIDE – it’s made for athletes to use so their clothes don’t chafe while they’re working out – works everywhere – probably in places you don’t want to know about, but definitely on the thighs.
Great outfits!
So you might already know about this but a friend recently introduced me to this Monistat product that is SPECIFIALLY for inner thigh chafing when wearing skirts. It’s fabulous! http://m.drugstore.com/monistat-soothing-care-powder-gel/qxp139254
Love BODYGLIDE! You can even use it on your feet if you have shoes that rub too much in any given spot. Men even use it on their nipples if they have to run in the cold. It works for everything!
Man, I love the look and feel of maxis, but find it so hard to pull off being short and round :c
ALSO, just wanted to say: I used to be right there with you on the short. Totally. I _never_ wore them. 115 degrees outside and we’re gonna go run around and play in the park? Jeans. Beach? Jeans.
But I recently reclaimed the short. I’m not getting any skinnier (at least not any kinda quickly) and I still can’t wear those underwear-as-shorts-shorts that the tweens and girls still the size of tweens seem to fawn over (THAT is a recipe for hungry crotch/cootch picking, 100%) so I do have to watch cut and shop around, but: still, I bought some shorts. I don’t care that my thighs touch in them. I don’t care that the back of my knees look like butts. I do care that I no longer feel like I have semi-permanent heat stroke (good thing for our record summer last year here in TX) and that I can just “throw on something” rather than putting myself in to jeans.
Although I did give in and buy one pair of semi-bootie shorts. They’re still too long for a 16 year old Aerocrombie shopper to give them a second look, but I like how they make my ass look (and the really cute and flattering back pockets). They can get a little climby in the middle, but they’re not tooo bad most of the time.
Just saying, sometimes you can let the comfort win and look cute all at the same time.
P.s. Personal recommendation is any of the semi-loose-fitting Unionbay. Yes it’s a tween brand but I was amazed with a pair I bought on clearance at Khols enough to recently to seek out two more copies of it. They also go up to size 19 iirc? 17 at least.
I saw these rec’d a few years ago: http://www.luvees.com/Store/LuveesStore/home.aspx
Fabric solution for thigh-rubbing. No need to re-apply lube-y stuff. 😉
I think I’m in love with you.
No shit– you’re awesome. New follower here.
Hey Brittany! I was just wondering (and I’m not sure if you’ve told us) how tall you are. I believe we are VERY similar in body type and I always love everything you wear… especially these skirts!! You’ve given me new confidence that you don’t have to be super skinny to pull it off beautifully. But I’m 5’11” and it’s SO HARD to find anything that is big enough AND long enough, especially skirts. And I don’t want to waste my time stealing your looks if they’re just gonna end up hitting me at the shins. 🙂
I am just under 5’8. The two skirts in this post are both VERY long on me, which I don’t mind.