How The Hell Am I Still Married?

by Brittany on December 18, 2012

in Love, Marriage, Sex

Wait… how many years have we been married?

I don’t know? Seven? Eight?

Oh my God, eight, this year is eight, shit. We totally missed the window for our seven year itches!

If year seven is an itch, then eight is a rash. Sometimes it’s helpful to think of marriage as a sexually transmitted disease that gradually evolves into a lifelong condition with chronic flare ups. I mean this in the most romantic of terms.

I could be corny and be all, eight years ago I married my best friend…but that’d be stopping short of the truth. Eight years ago I married my polar opposite, my tether to sanity, my worst enemy, my favorite sparring partner, and the sole rubik cube solver of my mind, who also happens to be my best friend. Next to my mom. But you can’t marry your mom, that’s gross.


So how did we get here? How have we made it to this point relatively unscathed and without criminal records? I’m not sure, but I have a couple ideas.

Realize that at some point, you’re both gonna suck. It’s really easy to be annoyed with your partner, stew on it for days, and by day nine of the totally fictitious argument you are having with them in your head, explode everywhere. Feelings get hurt, there are tears, confusion, blah blah. This could all be easily avoided if you both accept sometimes, periods and bloating happens, and also, some people can’t control how loud they chew food. Confession: I’m usually the suckier part of this dynamic duo.

Kids both ruin some things but make other things really, really awesome. True story, everything awesome about your life ends when you have kids. Seriously, like the second you bring them home, boom. You can’t go anywhere, you’re tired by 9pm, you worry about crazy shit, you’re irritating to have conversations with, it’s an overall shit show. But then, for us, something cool happened. I don’t know if it’s out of desperation or combined bitterness; we bonded in an entirely new way. Like a blood bond, only I was the only one bleeding. From that point on, we had a new life goal, be rad parents…even if that meant the only people who could stand to be around us was each other.

Flattery gets you everywhere… including hand-job land. There is no bigger turn on than when I catch Andy talking about how proud of me he is. I get all blushy and hot, and long story short, we barely make it home. Unless we already are home… and the kids are still up… ugh see above.

Have an emotional basket-case equal. Andy and I each have one friend, in relatively the same point in life we are, that we can go to for venting or confessional. These friends won’t judge us or our relationship, they don’t hold grudges, they offer support, and they singlehandedly hold the most damning and soul deep secrets about our lives, that we literally have a contract stating that even if we have a fight or part friendship ways, they’ll never spill our secrets, or us theirs. Thanks, Meredith.

The fact is, I know how to do lots and lots of things, you should see me shuck corn with one hand. It’s both amazing and agriculturally erotic. But one thing I have yet to master is to how to stop loving this man.

Happy eight years, Mr. Gibbons.



{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

Marci (Blue Moon Babe) December 18, 2012 at 10:16 am

He sounds like a keeper! (and he’s kind cute) Just keep lovin on him and soon 20 years flies by like me. Can’t imagine my life without my Biff!


Amateur Mommy December 18, 2012 at 10:17 am

All very true! Happy anniversary to you and Andy :)


Ron Morse December 18, 2012 at 10:22 am

Congrats! I wish you guys many many many more years of happiness to come! How awesome it is to be married to your soul mate!


Tawny December 18, 2012 at 10:26 am

Happy Anniversary!

Two things, I love that you are showing teeth in this photo, also you married a guy with a chin strap. True love right there.


Doreen December 18, 2012 at 10:29 am

You look exactly the same! Do you not age? You are beautiful.

Happy Anniversary.


angi December 18, 2012 at 10:31 am

You were babies!! And somehow you still look the same. You’re a gorgeous and wonderful couple. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Happy Anniversary.


Tracey December 18, 2012 at 10:32 am

Happy Anniversary!! You two have really set a good example for those of us who have yet to find our Andy. I won’t give up!

Here’s to many more hand-jobs!!



Meredith December 18, 2012 at 10:35 am

OMG>>> Never, ever tell my secrets. And I promise to never, ever tell yours.

And thank you, friend. You are my equal in the emotional basket case department.


Anna December 18, 2012 at 10:44 am

Happy Anniversary! May the God’s smile in your favor tonight and make the kids go to bed early so Andy can be the corn! :)


Sarah December 18, 2012 at 10:46 am

My husband and I also decided that our new goal in life would be to become the most awesome parents we can be. Loving your best sparring partner keeps everything interesting, and lovely in a sense because your biggest advocate and pain in your ass is always close enough to call on and talk to.


Jess December 18, 2012 at 10:49 am

Happy Anniversary! I’m also excited to see Andy in a black tie at your wedding. I hate the look of a white tie/white vest without the tux jacket. I’m getting married next October and I am all about the black tie but everyone keeps telling me “It’s his only chance to wear white to match you.” I’m team black tie/vest!


Rachel B. December 18, 2012 at 10:53 am

I always love your wisdom, Brittany!!! Congrats on 8 years!


lovelyshall December 18, 2012 at 10:58 am

How is it possible that you look exactly the same (read: insanely beautiful) as you did 8 years ago? Andy…he looks more grown up and manly now lol

Happy Anniversary!


Holli December 18, 2012 at 11:18 am

Thats Fantastic! Happy Anniversary!!!
I just got engaged to my best friend of 18 years last week. I cant wait!


Amanda December 18, 2012 at 11:18 am

Love this! Happy Anniversary! I have to ask… what’s going on with the couple in the top left corner of your wedding picture? She’s looking at him… he’s looking at you and Andy. The looks on their faces makes it seem like there’s a story there???


Brittany December 18, 2012 at 11:21 am

Huh…I am not sure, it looks a little forlorn, like some kind of Nicholas Sparks novel.


Rachel December 18, 2012 at 11:44 am

That was perhaps the most perfect love story I’ve ever read!! Congratulations!!!


erica December 18, 2012 at 11:58 am

Congrats! Here’s to many more years of Andy giving you material to help me laugh my ass off.

Also, it is almost kind of creepy how much Gigi looks like you. She is lucky to have you for a Mom for your genes and your amazing example for her.


LouisianaMeredith December 18, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Happy Anniversary, Rosalie & Andy….wishing you many more!


Mary December 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I absolutely love the deathgrip you have on Andy’s arm. Congratulations on 8 years — here’s to many more!


liza December 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

as my Dad used to say “Marry a worthy opponent”…. congratulations on 8 years!


Amy December 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Have a great anniversary…….and heres to many, many more years with your best friend!


Nuala Reilly December 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Congratulations on eight years!! We’re coming up on eighteen this february…and somehow still holding on. Double digits…only two years away for you two…


Kristen December 18, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I love this. Especially the last one. The last one is ABSOLUTELY ESSENTIAL to maintaining your sanity. Also, that picture? Love. Just…so much love for that picture.

Happy anniversary Gibbonses! That’s the plural, right?


Jenn December 18, 2012 at 2:19 pm

A true love story told. Thanks for sharing and happy 8th.


Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) December 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

happy anniversary! you guys look like a child bride and groom. love the picture…


Stay at Home Dad December 18, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Wow you have a way with words. Hilarious and so true! Thanks for the entertainment and Happy Anniversary to you and your best friend.


Johanna December 19, 2012 at 9:12 am

Happy Anniversary! You guys are a great couple.


Allison December 19, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Happy Anniversary!


Erin December 19, 2012 at 7:23 pm

You are so honest and relatable. I think thats why so many people enjoy reading your blog. You tell it like it REALLY is!


Ellen December 21, 2012 at 10:15 am

Congratulations! It’s hard for me to make it through an entire date with the pool of winners I consistently choose from.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bitch about secret santa…


Tasha December 21, 2012 at 11:17 am

Congrats!!! We celebrated 7 (feels like 47!!) back on the 8th. Here’s to lots more!!!


Maryann December 22, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I was going to say “very sweet”, but maybe that isn’t the right term. Anyway, we learned the one thing that we really need to remember is I can not read his mind and he can not read mine. We don’t really fight because we realize we need to tell each other if something is bothering us.


LinzJupiter December 30, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Congrats on 8 years. It’s always a joy to read of your hilarious adventures together.

And from the pictorial evidence provided, way to marry a boy band member. :D



Brittany December 30, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I’m just thankful he got rid of his Chris Kirkpatrick dreads.


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