The Mummy

This weekend we’re having a kid Halloween party. I’m really excited about it.

Well I was more excited about it two months ago when I declared we were going to throw it and bought a bunch of Halloween magazines, and am slightly less excited about it now that I have to clean my house and make food.

We invited all our friends with kids, and Jude, Wyatt and Gigi each invited a friend and their families. See, that’s the lesson I took away from birthday parties. Having people drop their kids off at your house for a party is just a messed up version of mass babysitting. I don’t care what kind of gift they bring, it will in no way be an even exchange for your loss of sanity and the $300 it took to fill that fucking pinata.

So, we’re doing it family style, which honestly, just makes it more acceptable for us to drink heavily and make 90′s pop culture references to people over 4ft tall whose eyes don’t glaze over while you are trying to explain Seinfeld to them.

No soup for you. Get it? Like from Seinfeld? I’m not giving you soup because you won’t stop touching each other for five seconds.

What’s Seinfeld?

It was a show.

A show about soup?

No, it’s a whole show about nothing, it was hilarious.

And then they roll their eyes at me like I’m the idiot when they watch Oobie, which is an entire show of talking human hands and feet who speak in broken sentences. It’s like what I’d imagine seeing The Doors high on acid would have been like.

This is also why we won’t be wearing our matching Harry Potter costumes, the entire reference would be lost on them, so I’ll be attending as the Queen of Hearts to Gigi’s Alice in Wonderland. She demanded we match, and this was her second option after her original suggestion of two Dorothy’s. Andy is going as Edward Cullen, and I use the words “is” and “going” loosely, because it’s really just me planning on messing his hair up with gel and throwing glitter at him while he’s not paying attention. The kids won’t have any idea who he is, it’s more for me.

Wyatt will also be a vampire, but the vintage kind with a cape and slicked back hair that eats humans. He’s so hipster and he doesn’t even know it.

And that leaves Jude. Jude has decided to be a mummy. First of all, I want to call a time out right now and pat myself on the back for the fact that my kids have finally decided to stop being fad cartoon characters for Halloween. I look back on pictures of me dressed as a Wuzzle or Dotty from The Get Along Gang, and I have no idea what the hell I was thinking.

I spent some time looking around for a mummy costume, but they all looked so cheap and lame, so I naturally decided to make it.

Where is lazy, ineffective Brittany, she was so much cooler and less productive?

I HAVE NO IDEA I THINK I ATE HER.

So, I made a mummy costume.

I bought 2 yards of muslin, which I tore into long strips so it looked frayed and worn. I then, using Tacky Craft Glue, began to glue the strips onto a pair of dark green long underwear. I chose green because it makes the muslin an eerie, zombie like shade. I kept layering and tearing and knotting in some areas for effect, until we had this.

The whole thing cost me less than $25 and I got to explain how Egyptians pulled the king’s brains out through their noses with long hooks and stored their organs in jars in their graves. I know, I wish I had me as a mom, too.

Tip: Don’t glue the muslin tightly around the long underwear, leaving it loose not only looks cooler, but you still have to be able to get the long underwear off the kid, apparently.

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  1. says

    awesome! we’re hopefully moving into the new house like 3 days before halloween this year, so no party for us. but NEXT YEAR!!!! my kids all want to be zombie pirate skeletons. i pretty much couldn’t be more proud.

  2. Maryyyy says

    *le gasp* You are genius!
    I must try this with my daughter. She was “supposed” to be a lamb (get it, she’s my lamb….im Mary…?” ) but apparently hates the fluffy Lamb-ear-hat-thing with the blazing fiery passion of a thousand suns, and keeps pulling it off. I think she hates me.

    • Brittany says

      Oh she totally does.

      I mean, I don’t know for sure, but I prefer to assume everyone else’s kids hate them, also.

  3. jody says

    LOVE IT! And you know about the mummy and brain through the nose with the hook thing…one of my most terrifying childhood experiences was having to sit through that discussion at a museum with said brain hook mere inches from me…ANYWAY, my son wants to be either Mario (yawn…like 40 other little boys in the first grade) or a mummy for Halloween this year. Yep, I know what we’re doing this weekend. :)

    • Brittany says

      Up until two weeks ago, I was brainstorming how the heck I was gonna pull off Sonic the Hedgehog. Sigh. Thank God he changed his mind.

    • Brittany says

      Mine normally do, also. I actually have to thank Hotel Transylvania. Made my kids totally into old school monsters.

      • says

        If I do, it will be a bloody miracle. Although, I just made myself a titanic-era dress for this fundraiser thing I’m going to about the last night on the titanic, so….I just *might* be able to pull a rabbit out of a hat. I’ll post pics of that night on my blog for sure!

  4. RobynR says

    Love it so hard! My 21 month old is going to be Dorothy . . . I really want to get a fridge box, paint it like a house and then walk around in it with my feet sticking out in striped socks.

  5. Nellie says

    OMG, “No soup for you!” is used so often in our house between me and hubby that my 5 year old daughter just assumes we are imitating my mom who speaks in broken English and not from the Seinfeld show! Our daughter will repeat it after us and then add: “that’s Nona!” as if she’s won a prize. Kids these days….so utterly clueless to the brilliance that was the 90′s!

    My sister’s 5 year old daughter wants to be a mummy this year but the costume she wants to purchase is out of stock. I’m so glad you posted this because now she can make this for her daughter!

  6. says

    I spent a similar amount of time stitching 2 giant white feather boas onto a white tee shirt and a pair of her white underpants so she could be a chicken. Only to find that I’d stitched them on too tight for her to pull up.

  7. Stacey says

    Ha! Dotty from the Get-A-Long Gang!? And a Wuzzle!? You were one of the cool kids, for sure!!!
    Nice job with the party planning! I hope it goes great!

  8. says

    My kid wants to be Orville Wright. WTF?? I am going to show him this mummy and explain the brain through the nose thing and see if he will change his mind.

    • says

      LOL! When I read your comment, Leah, I thought you were talking about Orville Redenbacher until I read it twice. I was thinking “a bowtie and some Harry Potter glasses, along with a bowl of popcorn . . . “

  9. Brandie says

    That’s so cute. I always make Ella’s costumes. This year she wanted to be Merida from brave. I love homemade costumes.

  10. says

    Only my 2 oldest have enjoyed Halloween. Mohamed was a cowboy and Randa was a ballerina. The others, not so much because we’ve lived in Egypt ever since and there’s no Halloween here. BOO! HISS!
    But once my sister sent us animal costumes after we first go here and the kids really wanted to Trick or Treat. So I dressed up my veritable zoo and we walked around the neighborhood and I had to buy a large bag full of treats and hand them to my mother-in-law at her door and tell her to fill their bags with it. She looked confused but obliged. How pathetic and sad.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE Jude’s mummy face! You truly ARE a cool mom to give them all this medical/historical information while making his costume. And you know what? THESE are the factoids they NEVER forget.

  11. says

    You guys all rock. This made me laugh so hard.
    NZ only got into Halloween a few years ago and it is so totally LAME! as its just not part of our tradition so very few people even participate. I so wish we had had it when I was grwoing up.

    No Soup for you! Classic!

  12. says

    Great idea. I’m the world’s lamest costume maker. Great porch decorator, though! Our halloween decorations rock the neighborhood at least. Surely that will make up for it??

  13. Jana Frerichs says

    First- My son has a friend at school with the last name Newman, and whenever he talks about Newman- I always go “NEWMAN!”, like Jerry did on Seinfeld. Totally. does. not. get. it. And then he gives me the same look I always use to give my parents when they referenced All In The Family. Second, OMG, there is no denying who’s Jude’s father is! I scrolled down to little Megatron Andy and back up to Jude and he looks just like him! And he’s an adorable, I mean, scary mummy!

  14. says

    Brittany,
    First of all you are BadAss! That Mummy costume looks professional! My daughter wants to be a Snow Queen. We even bought fabric. I don’t sew, so this should be interesting.
    Second of all, I am so with you on throwing parties and then actually having to clean and prep for them. I need a staff.
    Third, Oobi is still on? Who decided this would be a good idea for a tv show? I’ve successfully hidden that show and Barney from all 3 of my children.
    Happy Halloween!

  15. says

    LOVE the mummy! So freaking great! My wife and I are trying to come up with a theme – so far the top of the list is dressing the 1-yr old like Visini, my wife as Inigo Montoya and myself as Fezzik. we’ll see how it goes! My wife writes a pretty awesome mommy blog too, shameless plug: http://peekabooze.wordpress.com

    Love your blog!

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