Parenthood & Friendship

by Brittany on September 28, 2012

in Musings, Parenting

Admittedly, I’m not good at making friends. Like, I thought I was, and I went about my life thinking I was, but as I age and people’s fucking filters break down, I’ve come to realize that is not the case. I’ve narrowed it down to two basic, yet contradictory, scenarios.

1. I get too close too soon. I’m not, like, a hugger or anything, but I talk with my hands a lot, and if I meet you and decide that I shouldn’t be wary of you, I immediately feel like I can touch you with my hands and tell you about my period.

2. You think I hate you. This is the most common Brittany Fails at Friendship situation. We meet and I think things are going really well. But then I find out from mutual acquaintances that you think I hate you. I don’t. It’s just that in it’s natural resting state, my face is mean looking, and I’m often not super talkative in social situations because I’m more comfortable sitting back and listening. I tell stories for a living, so I am like fucking Rain Man about absorbing the details around me. Some of my closest friendships today are with people who started out assuming I hated them.

I was the first in my social circle to have kids, which took me from Fun Drunk Brittany to Erratic Attendance Record, Wet Spots On Her Shirt, Smells Like Hair Grease, Eye Bag Brittany. A seemingly less awesome version of all the previous Brittanys.

My focus went from the fun I was having with others, to the fun I should be having with my kids. Andy and I both had parents who devoted themselves to their families. They didn’t go out to bars. They didn’t have a ton of friends. They just stayed home and spent time with us, and it was a value we thoughtlessly continued in our own home.

But, here’s the rub. It wasn’t always fun. It’s hard to be best friends with an infant, aside from looking kinda like you and being able to put your nipple in your mouth, you have nothing in common. And for a while, it’s an entirely one sided relationship. You gave them everything, they gave you, occasionally, a smile that was probably just a prelude to shooting shit out of the back of their diaper. Yes, yes there is the sense of completion and wholeness, but they don’t get your jokes. They don’t want to watch America’s Next Top Model with you. They don’t care about the fight you just had with your husband. So, I back-burnered that need for adult companionship, and focused on being present.

I saw so many situations where people would have kids and dump them every weekend with sitters and relatives to head up to bars and clubs, and we just weren’t built that way. Actually getting out and doing things was a big deal to us, and we rarely did it together.

Then the kids got older, I started traveling a lot more for work, and that guilt I felt by not being with them was replaced with a sense of self. I appreciated them more because I wasn’t stuck at home with them all day while they sucked the youth from my body like that fungus that attacks ants in the jungle and then takes over their brains and controls their dead bodies like zombie puppets.

I was having adult conversations. I was showering. I was wearing civilian clothes. I was meeting some of my own basic emotional needs. And then I came home to children who assumed I was a productive member of society and a husband who was turned on by the fact that I’d stopped wearing nursing bras, because you’d think being able to pull your nipple out of a feeding hole would be a sexy turn on, but it’s not. This feeling was addicting.

It was finally time for us to have friends again.

But dude, it doesn’t get any easier, because you’re still faced with the issue of finding people who you can relate to, because you’re a totally different person. You’re probably going to always be late, you might have to cancel last minute of someone craps all over you, and you have a curfew. We’ve tried the whole “friends with kids” match game before, and it sucked. We do have one or two couples we hang out with and spend holidays with that allow us to just relax and let the gaggle of children run amok during get togethers, but we wanted our own respective friends to lean on for nights out, away from the butt wiping and sippy cup filling.

For Andy, it was easy, he has a traditional job, he has a group of friends there, and it was simple for him to just glob himself into a wolf pack and have at it.

For me, it was harder. I hadn’t seen any of my old friends in years and we’re all at different stages of our life, because I work on the internet, many of the women I interact with are scattered all over the country, and while I still see them regularly, I can’t really call them up for a last minute dinner and movie.

Having school age kids, by default, puts me into this weird position of having to hang out with people I normally would never ever hang out with. It’s like a blind date with someone who’s only common denominator is that they pushed something out of their vagina at roughly the same time as you. Sometimes, it’s awesome and you meet actual new friends. Other times, it’s me sitting there eating goldfish crackers while they talk about the election and I talk about my period, counting down the seconds until the play date is over or someone busts their lip open and you get to escape in a handful of blood and promises that it’s no big deal and yes, you should totally do this again super soon.

Squeezing in friend courtship while having three kids to tend to at home is hard, and only in the last year have I been able to assemble a tribe of women who just fit.

I stopped trying to impress the other parents at school or relate to the people I used to be friends with a million lifetimes ago. I turned to social media to connect with people locally who are as unbalanced as I am. I hosted meet ups and movies nights, opening the invite up to my Facebook wall and asking murders to please not attend. I put it all out there.

I’m on the internet a lot. I have a bitch face. I have kids and I love them but I don’t want to talk about them constantly. I’d like to not debate religion or politics. I have a bad taste in movies, and an even worst taste in books. I don’t want to go to loud bars or dance clubs, and I have to be home around midnight. I probably weigh more than you. I keep my iPhone on the table at all times. I’m crazy good at keeping secrets. I know all the words to Shoop, What a Man and Push It.

And you know what? It worked. Every get together, we add another chair to our table of sailor mouthed misfits and another address to our daily email chains of smut and gossip.

Women need to connect with other women in real life, like how Temple Grandin built that hug machine thing to experience touch, or guys order those RealDolls off the internet.

It makes me want to start a sorority for women who’ve misplaced their friends, and the only requirement would be backing me up when I hit on the waiter and being okay if I eat the trail mix I find in my bra. Oh, and not rolling your eyes while you read my erotic Twilight Fan Fiction.

That’s a deal breaker.

Louisiana Meredith September 28, 2012 at 2:54 pm

I can relate to so much…

Let me know when the Sorority meetings happen….I’ll fly to Ohio!

Gena September 28, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I think I may just be a bitch with a smile. I am the mother who goes to the practices and sits in the car (God forbid) and reads. I have no desire to talk to the other parents at all. I had to learn this the hard way. I have two kids that are 8 years apart in age (I know, and yes I got two baby daddy’s). I was also the youngest mother among the parents of the older children. I was always treated kind but those older moms had an “old boys” mentality and had no issues with talking a whole lot of shit behind your back. I being of the lack a filter generation called one of these bitches out for slandering my kid (ok, she was right about him to some extent) but it wasn’t her place to put us on blast. BITCH! I now know that just because your kids may be in the same class does not a friendship make. I have a nice group of friends that is small and I won’t complain. I recently put myself on the market for some new friends and made one during a massage (creepy but true). We can be friends if you don’t like and never liked Brittany Spears, country music and appreciate talking about man size. I am easy peasy bitch with a smile.

Jamie September 28, 2012 at 3:04 pm

We could never be, not that you asked… BRITNEY FOR LIFE – shaved head, psychotic break and all, lol.

However – there was a guy I used to work with, about 8 years ago, that some of the girls pointed out his obvious girth. The next time I saw him that was the first thing I looked at and ever since I pretty much check out every dudes outline. It’s terrible but it’s basically become a horrid habit.

Gena September 28, 2012 at 3:18 pm

You say horrid habit but I say smart shopping or clever browsing if you are taken. I won’t tell.

Melissa September 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I’m with you, Gena. Altho, I go to the 5-6 grade football game and sit on the sidelines reading a book or studying for a test (I am in college). I don’t know if I’ll ever have any real, hang around and do stuff with friends, and I guess that is okay. I have three friends who are life-long and are always there for me, in spite of living miles apart, because the life-long friends are the most important.

Jamie September 28, 2012 at 2:58 pm

My problem, aside from bitchface, is that after I meet people I go home and pick apart everything I said all night. Then I over-think and am pretty sure that somewhere in there I offended someone or acted like a douche and nobody will want to ever be around me ever again. And if there is any alcohol involved the first time I meet someone I’m even more critical of myself. Plus I use my face a lot when I talk and I know that some of my facial expressions are super… stuck-up looking. My friends know that but not people I am just meeting.

I still have weird guilt about losing touch with two friends. There was always this weird “god – you’re alive” conversation when I’d call and it started to pissed me off. Easier to never call then to have to be guilt tripped. But I agree – different stages in life. Luckily for me I picked up a sport at 29 and have my own little tribe of foul-mouthed freaks. Now what I really want is a legit weekend away from families and just to be stupid and drunk with the girls. *sigh*

I call all my girl friends shit-bag, whore-face, cunt-bag… whatever, and I LOVE IT.

Kel October 1, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Me…me…& me.=^) I totally have the bitch face when I’m not smiling and I CANNOT stand when someone says “Smile”. Really? If I felt like smiling I would be. I am so intolerant and have such a lack of patience I don’t think I can really make friends any more. I’m sick of the drama…I’m sick of the guilt for not calling (bitch, the phone rings both ways) I guess I’m just plain sick. But I do miss the girl interaction. I have no desire to bar hop but wouldn’t mind a chick in my life I could bitch to about my husband, kids, job etc. Or someone other than my mother (ewwww) to talk about 50 Shades with. I’m not in touch with a single person I went to hs with and the only 2 people that were in my wedding that I still talk to are my husband and his sister (and I rarely talk to her as she lives in TX). Talk about an isolated loser. =^)

Michele October 16, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I feel like I’m reading about myself! I have a few mom sort of friends. My supposed best friend never can talk because she’s always too busy screaming at her kids and bitching about how much her life sucks! Well, so does mine sometimes but I never get to talk about it. Mostly I feel like I don’t fit in with anyone, but what can you do. I’m nice but quiet because I am mostly drama free. I hate drama, although I’m not too good to hear about it.. haha. Just don’t want to be involved in it.

Tawny September 28, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I definitely have bitch face. Also I have been branded the friend that will tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts. Ugh. For once stop asking me the truth, can’t I just lie and smile and pretend everything is ok? Please?

Angie September 28, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I hear you, sister! I have the bitch face and I have a hard time hanging out with other moms at play dates because the conversation is always so pretentious! I live in Michigan and have really wanted to show up to the meet ups and movie nights, but I kind of feel stalker-ish. I would love to pledge to your sorority since I’ve never belonged to one.

Karen September 28, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Oh my goodness! I totally have bitch-face disorder! BFD. People always think I’m mad…I’m like, “No…that’s just my natural look. I promise I’m in a good mood.”

Ally September 28, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Long time reader/first time commenter, here to tell you I don’t know how in the hell you have a hard time finding friends. Look, I’m not going to pretend to be in the same place as you–I’m not a mom, I’m single, living in NYC, and I was raised in a home where “if it has more than two legs, it’s probably going to die here.” (Most likely in a death similar to the cicada killers that you guys set up in flames…you don’t want to know about my pet fish growing up.) So I probably wouldn’t make the cut on the relatable-females-with-children list of potential buddies. But I think you’re friggin’ phenomenal, and yes, that was said with a Brooklyn accent for extra emphasis. You call it like it is, you’re empathetic to others, and you own everything about yourself. And you come with trail mix in your bra! Which is a super-helpful trait to have in a friend, especially when the zombie apocalypse eventually hits. What could be better than that? (The food, not the zombies.)

PS–as a fellow sufferer of Chronic Bitch Face, I find the easiest prescriptive cure is a bottle of Merlot. You’re usually laughing by the end of the dosage, and if anyone still thinks you look like a bitch, frankly, you’re too fucked up to care. :)

Candice September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Yes, yes, yessity yes. I’m sure all your readers feel this way, but I bet we’d be friends… except you would intimidate me because you’re hysterical and beautiful. I, too, am often told people think I hate them and I have to go, “No, that’s just my face.” lol

missy September 29, 2012 at 8:20 am

Excuse the horrible typing job on my previous post. Typing on my phone sucks.

sarah rizz September 28, 2012 at 3:52 pm

wow. i never knew (and i’m not being my sarastic self) there were so so so many women like myself.
i feel better.

Lisa September 28, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I would completely be your friend!

My hubs is 10 years older – he has “friends” with grandkids older than our kids!

My friends have fallen to the wayside with moves/career changes and finally kids. The women I meet with kids just don’t get that I am okay with non-organic milk and processed foods. Heaven forbid, I encouraged my kids to pee on the potty with m&m’s!

So I sit and don’t say anything – because really – who wants to be told to get the stick out of your ass and talk about something other people care about like peeing when you laugh!

Rach @ Mrs-Adventure September 28, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Dude I love this post so much in fact that I decided to stop pussy footing around on my own site… Then I wrote this: http://www.mrs-adventure.com/2012/09/its-about-to-get-really-real.html

Now if I can just stop singing What a Man…

PS: I wrote this one handed while pumping – god I love the internet.

Melanie B September 28, 2012 at 6:06 pm

You described me mostly! I’m personable but, I have a grouchy face sometimes and I’m not comfortable with large crowds. I transitioned with my friends. Some stayed “mommy” friends, some “mommy” friends were added, and some just stopped being friends altogether due to life circumstances. It isn’t easy and in the real world it’s competitive!

Paige September 28, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I can so relate to this, except for the part where I have found found my new tribe. I am hopeful now that I am working and back out in the world a bit that I will.

Kutusha September 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Thank you for this. I have tears rolling down my face. I´ve felt so alone and different since my baby was born. She´s only nine months old but I still don´t feel like “me” you know? Parenting is super hard (News flash!!) but what they never tell you is that your “self” starts slipping away little by little. Right now I feel like I´m a million years old. WE barely leave the house, money is tight and my husband´s job requires him to switch his working hours… plus I was blessed with a spirited baby.My mom keeps in telling me that I was just like that when I was a baby. Still it isn´t helpful. In my former life I had tons of “friends” (Really just people to hang out with) and a well paid job and hobbies and… well you get the picture. Right now my life boils down to taking care of a tiny human, who happens to be adorable and that´s a good thing because somedays I just want to run away from it all and never come back. Oh well I just wanted to tell you that I wish I had friends like you (The interenet you ’cause I´m sure you are even nicer and funnier in real life but I don´t know you and it would be kind of scary if we actually met considering I don´t live in ths US: “Hey! it´s me you don´t know me I read your blog and traveled hours so we could have some coffee”), women who care about, who are funny, who can be serious when something is important to me and, most of all, who don´t end up being total bitches! Oh well, thanks again for writing this

Jamie September 28, 2012 at 6:42 pm

That made me super sad :( One reason I know I’d never be strong enough to be a parent. Hugs <3

MelC September 29, 2012 at 7:35 am

I promise you, you’ll come back better than ever. My son is 2 1/2 and i finally feel I’M BACK BABY! It was hard seeing everyone seem to cope really well with motherhood. I was in a fog that i thought would last forever. I also had no friends nearby i could chat to. My mother’s group sucked balls. But one day, the sun comes out and you actually do want to shave your legs and put on lipstick and buy a new pair of shoes. No rush xxxx

Kutusha October 1, 2012 at 4:54 am

Thanks for your kind words it is always reassuring and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when another female understands how I feel. Yeah, that sounded a bit sexist but I promise it isn´t. You see, my best friend is a guy who is exactly like me brain and idea wise, we´ve been friends for fifteen years now and while he totally gets me and we can talk about lots of things he just can´t relate with stuff like cramps or getting my period or the effing sore nipples after breast feeding. I guess this is my way of saying that I would totally go out for a drink or two or some coffee with you if we lived anywhere near each other. Thanks Mel C!

Misty September 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Thanks for always making me feel okay with just being ME.

Caroline @ Pink Basil September 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

OMG – I have the EXACT SAME PROBLEM about the mean face. I hear all the time that people think I hate them and have no clue what they’re talking about. Most of my best friends thought I was stand-offish before they got to know me. Now I just try to smile all the time like a baffoon.

Tracie September 28, 2012 at 8:45 pm

seriously. you rock. can we be friends? We just moved to rural Wisconsin and I am SO missing my moms group back in Santa Fe. Well, missing the few that I connected with anyway. Nothing like sneaking out for a margarita and discussing Christian Grey.

Kelly September 28, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Thanks for this. The guilt that comes with being a parent who wants social interaction with adults is intense. Getting out once a month always felt so selfish.
I was thrown into being a part time parent, and now that I have so much child-free time, it’s a whole new sense of guilt. I have way too much time on my hands and the feeling that I shouldn’t be able to do what I want when I want is awful. But you’re right, it makes you appreciate the time you do get to spend with your child, and I never feel the need to go out on my days with my daughter. I’ll never feel completely comfortable in my situation, but I know that the time I do get with her is extra special.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, if you ever make the move to NJ, it’s on :)

MelC September 29, 2012 at 7:46 am

Thanks for writing this! And thanks to the commenters above. I feel less alone. My bestie lives far away now and i am crap at making (keeping) friends. I run hot & cold and also overshare and then panic retreat. I miss chatting about hilarious things one night stands have said to me, or being able to say “dont blow your asshole out, love” when someone is moving furniture. I used to be funny to people. I miss those people.

Jeanne October 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm

MelC – I totally understand the oversharing! I sometimes find my self just talking….and then I look at the other ladies faces and realize “shit I’ve done it again!” I have two kids 8 years apart (3 and 10) and I don’t fit in either “mom friend circle” so I just hang out with my two girlfriends. I guess I need to be happy that I have that! and I’m SO going to use that phrase….

Jeanne October 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

and obviously i am bad at math. 10-3 = 7. sigh.

missy September 29, 2012 at 8:18 am

It’s difficult for me to make new friends as well, especially since I’ve gotten older. I have no kids, but either I’ve always been introverted (not shy, though) and didn’t know it, or I’ve grown more introverted as I’ve grown older. It doesn’thelp that my husband and I are homebodies and I, too, have “bitch face” as well. I love taking everything in… or sometimes it’s that I’m bored bitchy. Either way, I thnk imakes me seem like I’m not approachable. And that just isn’t true.

Melissa September 29, 2012 at 8:40 am

This makes me want to live by you…..I think you would be an awesome friend to have!!!!

Sarah P. September 29, 2012 at 9:26 am

I’m an Army wife, and we’re constantly moving. So even when I DO make actual friends, eventually we split up and go to, of course, opposite ends of the country- or different countries alt0gether. I broke up with most of my high school friends long ago because most of them stayed in our small-town-Texas home and I went abroad. I was married with kids before pretty much everyone I knew there. So I have nothing left in common with most any of them, and aside from the occasional ‘like’ on Facebook, I have no real communication with most of them. We just moved to a new installation a little over a month ago, and while I’ve met the immediate neighbors, none of them popped as people I’d mesh with. I’m foul-mouthed, overweight (and sometimes REALLY ok with that, and sometimes absolutely distraught over it- it depends on the day and on my period), I drink wine and beer regularly (and sometimes harder stuff), I don’t think porn is The Devil, I’m finally going back to college, and my sense of humor is, much like IFC, always on – slightly off. It’s not easy finding someone else with those same fabulous qualities.

KAN September 29, 2012 at 12:08 pm

There needs to be a national sorority for this!

Nicole September 29, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Please move to SWFL! We can totally hang out and be friends. :) :)

Antonia Murphy September 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Anyone who writes blog posts about flesh-eating fungus and zombie ant puppets is potential Excellent Friend material. Would you like to know about my period? (Just kidding.)

I have a bitch face, too. I think you’re marvelous. Unfortunately, I live in New Zealand.

See you online?

Heather September 29, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Sounds like me! I’ve tried so many “mommy groups” but never seem to quite fit in. I have trouble making friends that are more than just acquaintances for me. I attend the mommy playdates to get a little bit of adult interaction and just so that my child can become more social as well.

-charmedlifechronicles.com (private but just use the contact me to gain access)

Denia September 29, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Hahaha, I have Bitch face too!

Jessie September 29, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Try making friends being an athiest in rural Mississippi. Yeah, I’m pretty my the plague. Or I get told I’m a heathen. Which I don’t mind. I’m cool with that title. Just would like to meet someone who isn’t interested in converting me as a primary aspect of our friendship!

Ryan September 30, 2012 at 1:55 am

I love you! We would be besties if we lived near eachother!

Krista September 30, 2012 at 2:14 am

i can relate. we just moved to champaign, illinois and i’m having a difficult time finding women who appreciate my inappropriate, unfiltered mouth. my kids go to a catholic school b/c the public schools suck. needless to say, i am NOT a good catholic, and haven’t found anyone at the school who will discuss my vaginal rejuvenation surgery with me. i had one lady tell me i terrify her, make her mind stretch thinking about things she would never have imagined, and she finds me fascinatingly overwhelming. i am a novelty. i think it’s off to a good start and we might become friends (if she doesn’t run away screaming). i’m going to tell her about the diva cup next. that should be fun! missing women who don’t give a shit and will be comfortable with any topic. anybody else live here?

Kristen September 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

If I lived anywhere near you, I would be another chair at the table.

It’s hard at my age, too. I had Logan at 19, when Andy was 28. All his friends are about his age (this is going to sound stalkerish that I know/realized this, but whatever…you’re 7 months to the day older than him), and I get along great with them. I fit in with them better than I feel I do with those my own age.

Plus, most of the girls who have kids the same age as mine, and had them at the same age as I did, are going through custody battles/breakups/divorces/general drama. I’m not into that; I’m in school full-time, my marriage is stable, I’m ready to be a grown-up.

When I come to Ohio (which should be soon, Andy’s family is trying to get together in Mansfield in the not-too-distant future), can we get together? It’ll probably be after I’m done incubating, so I can totally do margaritas. And more margaritas.

Anyway, I love you, and thank you for writing this. So beyond true.

silver price September 30, 2012 at 8:34 pm

What can I say about Pacific Beach? ***YOU CAN DRINK ALCOHOL ON THE BEACH FROM NOON – 8PM***I used to live there & that was quiet interesting. I was in the military and living with other members of the military right off of Garnet (basically right behind Plum Crazy). I am a non-drinker but my friends are drinkers. They had every dollar drink night locked down from Moon doggies to the Silver Fox including Moose McGillicuddy’s. Avalon Tattoo is located in PB and a friend worked there as a Tattoo artist for a bit. I do not miss the traffic. I do not miss how crazy it gets in the summer (i.e. The 4th of July Block Party). I have not been back in years and I go to San Diego from time to time. I guess there is nothing for me there anymore. I think the last time I was in PB I was getting the windows tinted on my VW and that was like 5-6 cars ago…..LOL If you are into Bars, Coffee Shops, Nightclubs, Tattoo parlors & thrift stores PB is a place for you. It tends to be a trendy crowd these days and quite young/college. You do get your rift/raft hanging around begging for money. I do not want to come off sounding like I am trashing PB. I enjoyed my time there but I am not as young as I used to be and it is no longer my scene.

shall September 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I wish I lived in Ohio and not in the Great North! You SO get me!

kootnygirl October 1, 2012 at 9:00 am

I’ve long said that looking for new female friends is worse than dating ever was.

The principle is the same: nobody wants to waste precious time and resources on all that small talk, just to find out the friendship isn’t going to be a keeper.

I so miss the incredible women I left behind when I moved here, but more than that, I’m worried about the role model I am becoming for my own daughters. They should know what a powerful thing female friendship can be, and I’m an utter failure at showing them.

Brittany October 1, 2012 at 9:02 am

You make an incredible point! I had never really thought about it, but I want my kids see the value of bonds of friendship.

Thanks for bringing this up!

Marci October 1, 2012 at 10:19 am

You can have a chair at my table in South Dakota any time. I haven’t been told I have a bitchface – instead words like assertive, aggressive, bull-in-a-china-shop are used about me – HA! Maybe its a ginger thing.

jaclyn @ www.lilmsadventures.blogspot.com October 1, 2012 at 10:45 am

I’ll join your sorority!! Sounds like fun :) I totally relate… so hard to find good friends these days :(

meleahrebeccah October 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Um…. I don’t think your face is mean looking at all. And I am also type 1 personality in that I get too close too soon and all kinds of touchy feely.

I also didn’t have many friends when my son was little. I was 21 and a single mom, and everything was about him, and his needs, and I did NOT trust anyone to babysit except for my own parents. I didn’t start to “go out” and really socialize again until he was about 6 years old. But, even now, I think I have more friends on the internet than in Real Life.

jen October 1, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I go back and forth with friends and am lucky to have a solid few who have stuck throughout the changes over the years.

I have three boys – 6, 4 and 1. I also work (traditional job) full time and travel for work so I totally agree with many of the posts and hear ya people on your situations.

Next time your in Chicago, send a note first, we’ll get a girls night out and I promise, 20 min in and you’ll have whatever you’re drinking shooting out your nose from laughing so hard.

PS: We totally don’t allow murderers in either.
PSS: (or is it PPS??) We hit on the waiters, cute door guys, and any randoms we feel worthy of our attention. All night. No judgement.

Cheryl S. October 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

We totally need to be friends! I can SO relate. First, I’m pretty quiet when I first meet people, so they think I’m a snob. (I”m totally not, I’m just shy!) Then, when I do open up, I tend to overshare. It runs in my family, so I didn’t know that talking about your period or how pissed off you got at your husband for doing something stupid was not normal. I only realize after I hear the dreaded words “I can’t believe you said that!” And I’m thinking “Why? it’s true!”

I totally want to be in your sorority!

Cheryl S. October 3, 2012 at 11:29 am

And, re-reading this, I discover that I use the word “totally” WAY too much. Must have been having an 80′s flashback!

Allison Zapata October 2, 2012 at 12:35 pm

WHO ON EARTH COULD EVER THINK YOU HATE THEM???? Must have just be their own insecurities talking. ;)

And, for what it’s worth, you have a beautiful mean face.

XOXOXO

Jana Frerichs October 2, 2012 at 3:57 pm

WOW. Were we seperated at birth? Or perhaps my clone? You are singing my song again girl. And as usual, doing it way better than I could. It’s like you climb into my head and say all the things I want to say and feel all the things I feel. I always thought I was a big ass weirdo, and that may be true, but now I know there are others out there and I’m not alone!!! Britney, I love you.

Sarah October 4, 2012 at 11:38 pm

I want in toooooooo! I just feel like I can’t open up and just turn off around the people that I have in my life and I’ve grown more and more introverted as I’ve gotten older. I used to like being around random people and now people annoy me really easily.

why isn’t this easier?!

Jeanne' October 5, 2012 at 12:32 am

Love this post! You had me laugh out loud then call one of the only friends I have that never judged me for looking like I hate everyone. I am not mean, I just tend to look that way.

Rachel October 5, 2012 at 2:10 pm

If only you and your circle of friends weren’t so far away… It’s so hard to find friends again once you’re a parent and your life changes. Enjoy!!

Christina October 6, 2012 at 7:22 am

I would totally love to get together with these ladies you speak of. I am in Ohio but I don’t think the same part BUT I travel all over Ohio for work. I am desperate for some friendship interactions. I tried the internet before with some ladies that all got married about the same time thanks to the knot.com talk section but seriously, these ladies turned out to be way two faced and meaner than anyone I ever encountered in High School. I was very sad that people were like this (still) and it shunned me away from making friends in a way. I, too, am a mother of 2 and I welcome my work travel as a place to have “me” time and a breather from diapers and spit-up. I’d love an email about details to join.

Jade October 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

You know who Temple Grandin is? I love you already. Sign me up for the first meeting!

Crystal October 7, 2012 at 3:42 am

How weird is it that I have the same problem but I dont have kids? Im 24 but not a “normal” 24. I cant take shots, bong rips or call out from work because Im hungover. Im working on getting a second promotion, convincing my boyfriend we are totally ready to get married and have kids, and trying not to beat the shit out of the one kinda friend I have because shes turned into a drunken whore. I work overnight so I cant go to a club even if I wanted to. I like to be in bed by 11pm if its my night off. I think im gonna write my own post kinda like this. It sucks mentally being a mom but having no kids

Jodi October 9, 2012 at 11:47 am

I live in bum fucked Ohio too and am having my period right frigging now! When is lunch?

NTE October 13, 2012 at 3:28 pm

It’s nice to know it’s not just me. Living with a chronic illness means not getting out all that much, and all except my closest two or three friends just gave up on inviting me places. Plus a lot of them have jobs and families and kids and shit, while I have… none of those things but about 23 bazillion doctors appointments we could talk about. (Awkward much?) Sometimes it’s ridiculously lonely, and I am so GLAD to have computer people to talk to.

Peek-a-Booze! October 24, 2012 at 8:32 pm

If there is ANY justice in the world, we will someday be friends.

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