She Sees Dead People. Probably.

How are you?

I’m ok. Let’s see, what’s new with me…

Um, my earring holes closed up, that was a bloody realization in the middle of Anthropology (pssst, I can only fit in their earrings).

I finally broke down and bought a pair of Toms. They’re grey. It’s like I’m walking around in feet envelopes.

I went into Auto Zone by myself and bought new windshield wiper blades.

Ummm. Mum. Mum. Mummmm.

Oh, and I walked into my bedroom to find Gigi talking to dead people on  my bed. Sorry, not talking, whispering, which makes it less creepy and more, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK AM I PARANORMAL ACTIVITY RIGHT NOW!?

Each of my kids have gifts, like, not be be all braggy or anything, but they do.

Jude has a photographic memory for movie dates. He can tell you, with no margin of error, what date a movie is released, what date he saw a particular movie, and what he ate at each showing. It’s like having Movie Phone in your house following you around, telling you you look pretty today and asking you to see the new Adam Sandler movie, Hotel Transylvania, on September 28th.

At first, Wyatt was super good at making the punchline of every joke either poop or weiners. I was like, completely enamored with him, my little dirty comedian. But then he had to go and get all obsessive with Legos, and now, much like the kids who stack cups for sport, he can recreate almost anything in Legos in a matter of minutes. No directions or help, he can just see a structure and imitate it.

Up until she spent the last few days morphing into Haley Joel Osment, Gigi has been my performer. She is without fear or shame, which is amazing. She can do all the dances from Annie, sing almost every song from Wizard of Oz, and recite entire monologues from The Labyrinth.

You have no power of me.

 And now, she’s whispering, low and quite, to entire rooms fulls of nobody, and I would be lying if I didn’t say, it’s freaking me out. I mean, I’d like to think there are ghosts. Nice ones. People I loved that died and follow my life around when I’m not in the bathroom or trying on jeggings without underwear at Old Navy (yeah, it’s me. I’m why you wash new clothes before you wear them, it’s like I’m having unprotected sex with all of you).

At first, I thought maybe it’s an imaginary friend thing, but when she starts every conversation with What’s your name? and Why are you here?, I think the worst, because I had an invisible friend, he was always the same guy, I knew everything about him, and I just assumed he was always around because he didn’t have a job. Incidentally, friends aren’t imaginary if everyone can see them, and also, if it’s your Uncle Jay and he’s sleeping on your couch.

Andy swears they didn’t watch scary movies while I was gone, and honestly, I believe him because he has PTSD from watching House of 1000 Corpses with me and finding himself in a puddle of my own hot piss.

Is Gigi talking to ghosts in my bedroom? I have no idea.

But, I don’t wanna get naked in there anymore, and the next time I have sex, I’m gonna have to be all, yeah, that slappy sound is totally normal and yes, it’s supposed to look like that.

UPDATE: So, I asked Gigi who she was whispering to, and she was all, I don’t know who they are mommy, which is basically how Poltergeist happened.


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    • Brittany says

      Yeah I was like, THIS IS BROKEN, WHERE CAN I FIND A WORKING ONE OF THESE EXACT THINGS? And then showed them the blade I ripped off the front of my car in the pouring rain.

  1. Crystel says

    This … THIS is why someday maybe having a little girl terrifies me. If only I didn’t grow up with 4 brothers, therefore, promising myself that I will (I WILL) have a little girl someday. I bet you that she will talk to ghosts, too, because have you seen scary movies? Do little boys ever talk to ghosts? No. In Poltergeist, was it the brother that stared at the tv and said, “Theeeyyy’re heeeeerrreeee.” Omg.

  2. says

    This is only contributing to my fear that our new house has ghosts. I know it’s silly, but yesterday my three and a half year old looked towards upstairs, then back to me and whispered: “There’s someone upstairs!” Whispering = creepy when it’s coming from a preschooler. I won’t go upstairs alone now.

  3. Vera says

    I totally saw a few ghosts as a kid. One was my just-passed Grandfather. I was 5, sitting in my room and talking to him. My mother asked me who I was talking to and I said that Grandpa is here. I still vividly remember what he looked like that day. Kids are creepy.

  4. Kate says

    My nephew talks to my deceased Uncle Karl, whom he’s never seen pictures of or heard about. At Thanksgiving he sent my sister-in-law running from the room in tears when he said we had to set a place for Uncle Karl at the table. My mom asked, “where is he?” and my nephew pointed to a space in the room and said “right there.” Spooky.

  5. says

    I think the whispering aspect would really freak me out. Luckily none of my children speak in less than a shout, so hopefully all our ghosts are hearing impaired. Doesn’t it freak you out when animals or babies stare at something in the room and there is nothing there? Creeeepy…

  6. Pua says

    My 3-year-old daughter talks to my dead grandparents. We live in the home my grandmother died in and she is apparently very unhappy about the color we chose for the living room, our bedroom furniture and the fact that there are HUGE FUCKING CHESS PIECES EVERY WHERE. My grandfather often asks her to tell us to build a doghouse for our beloved pet. I told her to tell him that if he were to leave a stack of bills, I’d be happy to oblige. It used to weird me out, but now it’s mostly annoying because, I get it grandma, the red and black is ugly.

  7. Amber says

    I used to catch my son talking to someone in his bathroom a lot and he’d just call him “some man”. I was more disturbed that it always occured in bathroom than the ghost aspect 😉

    • says

      I vividly remember talking to a woman around the age of 40 while she sat on some type of pail in the bathroom when I was 4. We had conversations in there a ton. I can clearly remember what she looked like and some conversations we had and yet my Mom says she remembers me having conversations but there was no woman.

      It was always in the bathroom. I wouldn’t even be using the restroom, but would take my toys in to go spend time with her.

  8. Ruth says

    Follow-up here… is it just jeggings or do I need to wash all the clothes? Because I am majorly lazy, here, so I need to know the bare minimum I need to do to avoid getting a little too friendly with strangers.

  9. Jen says

    The trying jeggings on without underwear was the scariest part of the story for me. Is that a thing people actually do??? I am hoping it was a joke. *shudder*

    Anyway, here’s hoping Gigi’s new friends are of the nice-ghost variety!

    • Brittany says

      Don’t think that didn’t cross my mind. I totally made Andy interact with me to double check. It went like this..

      Me: Hi.
      Andy: Hi?
      Me: Say hi Brittany.
      Andy: What?
      Me: Say HI and then MY NAME so I know you are saying hi to me and not THROUGH me.

  10. says

    We LEGIT live in a haunted house. And it does not like my son, apparently. I wrote about it last year ( and WordPress picked it up to feature on their home page. Not long after that, I had offers pouring into my inbox for free exorcisms, spirit cleansings, and all other manner of heebee jeebee whackadoodle ghost enemas. Long story short, none of that shit worked. The, ahem, *thing* is still here with us, but we’ve learned to live with it. We call it Peeves. You win some, you lose some.

  11. Gayle says

    I usually appreciate how open you are and I enjoy reading this blog. But, I have to tell you, the jeggings thing? Gross. Not sure I can read this blog without thinking about it.

    • hdj says

      I have to admit that the last time I went shopping I was wearing running shorts and those have built in underwear and I wasn’t even thinking about it when I left the house, so I might have tried on some jeans at Banana Republic like Brittany tries on jeggings. But I’m also the hyper anal person that washes EVERYTHING before it gets worn.

      • says

        I’m totally anal about this stuff as well. Reading some of the comments, I was thinking, “Do people not just assume that others try on clothes with no underwear?” Because I do. I just wash them on the hot cycle when I get home. Plus, I’ll take iffy clothes in the dressing room over touching a public bathroom door handle or any of those push door handle things any day (those things are nasty – especially in the sickly seasons). I kick those suckers open.

        • Brittany says

          SEE!? I assume the same thing! I NEVER wear new clothes without washing them EVER.

          And…. you bring iffy clothes into disgusting public restrooms? I FUCKING LOVE YOU. That is brilliant!

  12. says

    OMG, my son totally died and THANK YOU BABY JEEBUS the doctors were able to bring him back but Isweartogod since then he has been talkin to the dead folks. It’s slightly creepy, but hell I will take it if it means he is alive.

  13. says

    I would have just asked who she was talking to. Granted, there probably would have been a little bit of fear in my voice when I asked.

    I was home with Cady the days after my grandmother passed away. She was playing quietly in the living room (18 months old) when I heard her start saying over and over, “Mawmaw, Mawmaw, Mawmaw…” I asked her who she was talking to, and she responded again, “Mawmaw.” So then I showed her a photo of my grandmother and ask, “is this who you are playing with?” “Yes.” I was surprisingly comforted.

  14. says

    There is no way for me to tell you that it isn’t that big of a deal without sounding like a crazy person.

    But… it isn’t a big deal. Roll with it.

  15. jen says

    ok, I’ll tell….dont like to talk about it cuz I’m afraid “they” will come back and hearing my 13yo talk to dead people would freak me out even more now than it did then….So when my daughter was like 2 or 3 she would talk to “white boy” and “white man” in her room or she would see them outside walking around. And…..sometimes she would take on this alter-ego named “Becca” who would look at me out the slits of her eyes and talk in this raspy voice. Kids see/hear/talk to ghosts! I dont know who these people are but our house was built sometime prior to 1927 and my grandparents lived here. Sometimes I’ll come home and when I open the door I can smell Thanksgiving dinner – which is nice and I always say Hello Grandma – and weird that burnt pizza or mac n cheese would make the house smell like Thanksgiving cuz thats what I cook most often. now im going to forget again about Becca and look deep in my daughters eyes to see if she’s still there.

  16. Amber says

    My daughter started talking to “ella” “her dead sister” shortly after my miscarriage. She gets extremely frustrated when I can’t see her, goes into great detail even about what she is wearing and how she looks. It’s creepy to me most of the time.

    EWWWWW to the jeggings!

  17. Shely L. says

    This post makes me feel so much better (or worse?) about my son. He does that whole waving over your shoulder and saying “Heya” in his cute 10 month old baby voice. When I turn around to see what he is looking at, there’s no one there (or IS there?). It freaks me out. I’m eternally paranoid that some ghost pervert is stuck in my bathroom while I’m taking a crap. Not cool sixth sense, not cool.

  18. Paige says

    I watched House of 1000 Corpses when I was pregnant with my son six years ago and have not been able to watch another horror movie since.

  19. says

    My son, while in his room, alone, at night, will start telling us “There’s a guy in my room.” It’s SO. CREEPY. I make my husband stand at the door and help me tell him there’s nobody there, while I crouch by his bed and feel all twitchy, and like someone’s going to touch me at any moment.

    Also, I watched Paranormal Activity while I was pregnant with him, and I haven’t been able to watch a single horror movie (or horror movie preview) since. And I used to watch them BY MYSELF.

  20. stephanie stevens says

    OMG! That is awesome for only one reason, Ghost Adventures! call up Zack and the guys so we can laugh at their antics!! Count me in I will bring the booze and I live In your area!

    • Jennifer says

      For the love of God, do NOT call Zac! The only thing he will do for the entire investigation is ask you if you “heard that? They said Zac!” I can’t stand that show! I’m all like “no, I didn’t hear that, you haven’t SHUT UP the ENTIRE TIME!” That and on their first investigation, something go thrown at them and they busted out of the building in the middle of the night, after screaming like school girls for a while. I kinda lost my respect for them at that very moment. There’s a good reason I am not a ghost hunter/investigator… I am a HUGE scaredy pants! Try the guys from T.A.P.S. or Paranormal State… they are a bit more professional. That’s only if you REALLY want to know. I’m not sure that I would!

      • Linda says

        OMG! It’s soo true! I started to watch the show because I thought Zac was cute (don’t judge). But the show is stupid, and Zac is soo full of himself that I quickly got sick of it. I now change the channel immediately if that show is on.

        I did love it when The Soup made fun of him with the whole succubus and incubus mix up. That was hilarious!

        • stephanie says

          I used to watch that show for nothing other than the stupid factor. The way that Zac and Adam used to freak out when they heard the inevitable “inaudible noise” that said “Zac die!” LOL, cracked me up every time…make it into a drinking game, every time they say inaudible noise or something of the like – CHUG!!!

  21. stephanie stevens says

    P.S. Don’t you have a POND??? like the bodies floating in poltergeist? The old man still creeps me out. “God is in, his holy TEM-PLE”. Ancient indian burial grounds???


    • Jennifer says

      Ugh!! That “God is in his holy temple” guy freaked me out more than any other character in any of the horror movies I watched back then! Fast forward to 20 years later and we had a neighbor who looked/sounded EXACTLY like him. I was thrilled when we moved. He may have been a very nice man, my psychoses wouldn’t let me find out. Plus, he would leave things for my kids on our front porch. Just creepy.

  22. Tara says

    Carole Ann! Carole Ann! Come toward the light, Carole Ann!

    Remember that weird short lady? And the tree that attacked the son? We had a tree just like that.

  23. Heather says

    Okay I haven’t seen Poltergeist since I was a child (and I shouldn’t have seen it then…my brother is a real jackhole), but this is straight up giving me horrible flashbacks. Also, I read all the other comments about kids talking to ghosts and it’s dark here and I just want to wrap myself in covers and sleep with the lights on. I never trust a kid in a scary movie and now in real life too. I think I’ll go see what’s happening on the Disney Channel now.

    • Hannah says

      I’m totally the same way right now. I’m trapped on the couch, too creeped out to check on the laundry or even fix lunch!

  24. Katie says

    1. That weird short lady died recently I think.
    2. Horror movies: A friend of mine will only watch them during the day and I convinced her to watch the Exorcism of Emily Rose then called her at 3 a.m. and just repeated “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6” in a raspy voice. Yep, I’m terrible, but it was funny.
    3. My son, my nephew, and my niece are all under the age of 3 and we have repeatedly caught them all looking at the same empty space in the room at the same time for no reason. My son used to look up over my shoulder and smile and babble like crazy and I’d like to believe he sees his brother. :)

  25. April says

    My daughter will be 3 in November. The other night we’re sitting at the dinner table and she looks towards the hallway and asks “who’s that?” I about crapped my pants! Serious chills! My husband walked with her down the hall to find “him” but she said that she couldn’t find him, he was gone.

  26. ilv2p8nt says

    Hey I worked at a very popular retail establishment for almost 2 years and worked in the lingerie section a lot. I cannot begin to tell you how many pieces of undies I personally threw out because there was evidence of trying on without underware left behind on them. I don’t buy undies from there anymore even if I were to wash them first and I am hard pressed to buy undies that are not pre-packed in protective plastic that has not been compromised now. And I love undies that don’t come packaged that way. But I just can’t. Not yet anyway. As far as the ghosts are concerned, yes children are still so hooked up to their consciousness that they can see other dimensions where loved ones have passed to and others are residing. If you are open to it you can see them too. Sometimes they just need a suggestion to move on to their guides and on to the light.

  27. says

    My mom used to babysit a little girl with Downs syndrome. The girl stared at the ceiling a lot. She told us she saw angels. More comforting than ghosts.

  28. says

    feet envelopes. I love my feet envelopes.

    also I’d like to officially thank you (not properly, because that will be the done the next time I see you, which I hope to eventually) for having the fun TX meetup at Joe T’s in march and introducing me to some funny fellow DFWers. I’m photographing a wedding of a new friend I met there this coming weekend!

  29. kathy says

    The theatre my brother & sil own has ghosts, they have had several of the paranormal /ghost hunter shows inspect it, for realz yo!! The building was a speakeasy and barbershop back in the day. When my brother calls my boys in the basement , for whatrver

  30. Jennifer says

    When my daughter was a baby someone or something used to audibly “latch” her door every night after I put her in her crib. Several times I opened the door and saw someone crouched on her changing table. I was comforted by it though so I figured it was an angel. She is 8 now and talks in her room by herself all the time. One day I finally asked who she was talking to. She laughed, rolled her eyes at me and said “myself”. Apparently I am the crazy one to her!!! Lol

    • Katie says

      Crouched on the changing table? I’m glad you were comforted but the whole crouching thing would unnerve me. None of the rest of it bothered me except the crouching lol

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