So this is how the other half lives?

Andy and I are in our house.

Alone.

For the first hour, I was sitting fully clothed in a cold shower having a panic attack, because everything about this feels wrong. Andy walked in, leaned against the tub wall and threw a towel at my face.

So what do we do now?

We could drink?

It’s 8 in the morning.

When did you get old?

Ok, apparently one of us has to remain sober to go back and retrieve the children. I suggested drawing straws, but because his work involves electronics and expensive robotic equipment, and mine involves a keyboard and a Magic 8 Ball, by default, I get to drink.

I feel like we should do something profound, like invent something or adopt a whale.

Or you could unpack the suitcase you left in the hallway and just keep grabbing stuff out of as you need it.

We could watch our wedding video and talk about how dumb we looked?

Nah, I like to be drunk for that.

On account of the top hat?

And the soul patch.

I have no qualms telling you, we totally did it two times, and now we’re watching Tosh.0 in our underwear eating Special K out of mixing bowls because we’ve been out of dishwasher tabs for a week.

Happy back to school, y’all!

 

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  1. Rachel says

    My panic attack is from bringing the baby home from the hospital and now I have 2 kids to entertain all day instead of just one. Covered in barf, pee, and smoothie isn’t how I pictured this day going. I think you win today.

    • Brittany says

      Yeah that’s a good 2-3 hours of hyperventilation right there. I think they should let us stay at the hospital for at least the first few months.

      God, our healthcare system is selfish.

      • Dana says

        Back when WE were born they kept the mothers in the hospital for a week. While I was anxious to be freed from the hospital food… having people available 24-7 for help would’ve been fantastic

    • Brittany says

      Yes. Nothing kills a girl’s libido like children around her ankles asking for shit. I don’t even think it’s legal to have sex that way.

  2. Kimberly says

    My husband works from home too while I am a PT student…obviously I get to drink then! You have given me some great ideas for when our girl goes back to school (not for 2 more weeks though).

  3. Jeanne says

    But what happens when your son moves back with his little one? Don’t get me wrong. Love watching her grow. Been under my roof for most of her almost 3 years. Deal with his stuff and her wanting me the second I come home. Feel like I’m doing it all over again!

    • Brittany says

      Oh my God. I just had this weird flash of my life with all my kid’s kids in my house. I was locked in my bathroom, sitting in the tub drinking.

  4. Kristen @ The Chronicles of Dutch says

    I like that your mind goes to drinking as the first alternative!

    We’ve been out of laundry detergent for longer than I care to think. I’m down to a maternity shirt that if worn with a sweater doesn’t look THAT maternity-ish. We’re low functioning adults around here.

  5. says

    I met my husband for lunch in town today. But tomorrow he is coming home for a nooner. He usually does on Fridays when school is in session.

    I also cleaned the house really really well which I have been longing to do for a few weeks now.

  6. Erin says

    my hubby is a teacher so first days of school are always way to quiet. After the kids are off I ussually pick myself up with a rediculously expensive coffee and then its back to my home office where I will get more work done then I have in months. The closest thing I will have to sex is if BOB comes over ;)

  7. says

    Hahaha… I never quite know what to do with myself, either… when the kids are at school and I actually have a day off. I usually just sit on the couch and wait for them to come home…

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