Gigi is what I like to call, home potty trained.
Which basically means, at home, she generally/mostly goes to the bathroom in the toilet.
Everywhere else? No, that’s disgusting, but at home? Yes, ok fine.
In full disclosure, I’ll admit to not hitting the potty training train extra hard this time around. We have a deadline for preschool purposes, but there’s a certain freedom that comes with pull ups. We can go on road trips and not have to stop 40 times an hour so she can run into a smelly stall along the highway, not touch anything omg, let a dribble of pee come out, wash her hands, be freaked out by the fucking air dryer, and then not touch the door on the way out. Over and over. It’s also nice to make it through a movie in the theater uninterrupted and not lose our place in line at Target.
Is it selfish of me? Probably. Would I wear a diaper myself to cut out public restroom breaks entirely? Absolutely.
I wouldn’t say potty training the boys was fun, I mean, what’s fun about having tiny potties all over your house that you have to empty with your own human hands, but it was a hell of a lot easier. There was an obvious incentive; hey, peeing in the potty is so much fun, you get to hold on to your pee pees like awesome little hoses and put out fires and OMG IT’S SO CRAZY FUN Y’ALL DADDY GIGGLES EVERY TIME HE DOES IT.
For Gigi it’s like, yeah, so basically you just have to sit on the potty and let it fall out of you. Nope, no hose. No, you can’t stand like the boys, it’ll just runs down your legs. I know, everything about this is dumb, here’s some M&Ms.
Zero redeemable selling points, at least not until you have kids and sitting on a toilet becomes like going to the spa, or the library, or really anywhere you go by yourself to think about things and have them narrated by a voice that didn’t come out of your vagina.
There also seems to be some sort of kid private area double standard. Andy hated changing Gigi’s diapers, I swear to God he’d say things like, you wipe back to front? to me on purpose because he knew I’d drop whatever I was doing to save our daughter from a cycle of yeast infections, mostly because “baby yeast infection” feels weird to say out loud. Like “wet nap” or “Tilda Swinton.”
So on top of ducking out of girl diaper duties, he’s trying just as hard to avoid girl potty training. Also, he doesn’t get why on Earth girls have to wipe after everything.
I get wiping after she poops, but why am I wiping her after she pees?
Because that’s how girls work.
But, it’s sterile?
It’s how I was taught, Andy. My mother was a wiper, as was her mother, as well as my great grandmother. I come from a long line of wipers.
It just seems like a lot of unnecessary wiping, we just sorta shake the pee of and put it away.
Great, you teach her how to pee then shake her vagina until all the pee comes off, and we’ll see if she doesn’t end up naked on the internet before she’s 20.
Regardless, it’s all entirely unfair because I’m pretty sure I had to head up Operation Get Boys to Point Wieners in the Toilet even though I am, medical evidence withstanding, without a wiener myself.