I got in from New York around 2am last night, and as I sat down at my bar with my 20 piece nugget and 3 containers of sweet n’ sour sauce I may or may not have rewarded myself with for making it through 1.5 hours of turbulence next to an old Indian woman listening to a Rickey Gervais comedy show on her iPod, I realized that I loved coming home to a clean house full of all my normal smells, my DVR all full of all my favorite shows (even that soft core porn one I tape for when I don’t like Andy), and all my mail in a nice little pile for me to look at.
So, I settled into the chair and opened my laptop so I could skype with all the West Coast people who weren’t giant pussies in bed already. I flipped through credit card offers (pass), car recall notices (dumb), a bank overdraft letter (I bought loafers from American Eagle that look old on purpose, long story, totally worthsies), and then I came to a small square box addressed to me.
I almost never get fun packages out of the blue, unless they’re from Klout, in which case they usually blow. Like a mouse sized vial of Axe hair gel, a poster signed by the cast of Hawaii Homicide CSVU Whatever, or $25 Vegan Granola Bars that taste like old pubic hair and somehow benefit poor farmers somewhere in probably Africa.
I opened the box to find the most amazing thing I had ever seen, and as I took out the tiny note attached to the outside of the box, a Facebook notification came through…and then I realized…
Tomorrow is my birthday and I had completely forgotten.
To be fair, apparently everyone else had forgotten as well, because no one has even asked me what I want, and I am totally not old enough that we are ignoring birthday gifts yet, that’s shit my mom does, and it’s totally all an act. She says she doesn’t need anything outside of just spending time with us, but what she means is, she wants lots of gifts but feels she is at an age she needs to appear meek and humble, so I call her bluff by presenting her with pornography and handmade coupons for free at home hair cuts.
Unless Andy has a surprise Alice in Wonderland themed birthday party waiting in the wings, or secretly got my name tattooed somewhere on his body, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was concerned, because I made his birthday this year pretty damn awesome. I don’t want to brag, but there were tiny monkeys with ascots involved, so yeah, bar raised.
So, what as in the box?
I love them so much, and I’m feeling extra generous on account of it being my birthday, I have extreme jet-lag (Ohio has it’s own timezone. Like Narnia.), and I had so much fun giving away my favorite things last year, I’ve decided to kick off a few days of Brittany’s Favorite Things by giving away a box to one of you!
All you have to do is leave me a comment.
This giveaway runs today only, ending tonight at 11:59pm EST. One (1) winner will be randomly selected, and the prize delivered to them upon confirmation of winning within 24 hours. You may leave as many comments as you want, please make sure you use a valid email address for contact purposes.