Ok so, Kim Kardashian filed for divorce after 72 super hard days of marriage, and a two part wedding special on E!, or as I like to call it, the Ryan Seacrest is Ruining Humanity Channel, that netted her a rumored 17 million dollars.
Well, this makes sense.
Gay people can’t get married in the name of morality, but nobody blinks an eye as Kimmy K and that weird forehead tiara thing sell the private details of her sham wedding to the masses.
Because that, folks, is what God obviously intended. Man shall only lay down beside shallow reality stars and take part in totally scripted nuptials, but not if they are both dudes, or two chicks, because that would be gross. Unless the chicks are both hot, in which case, they’ll be on Real World…I don’t know, what’s left? Narnia?
I’m almost positive that is a direct quote from, like, scripture.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I actually adore reality TV. It’s funny, always on, helps with my self esteem issues, and I learn tons of valuable information like how effective the pull out method is and how little people drive normal sized people cars, but this feels….wrong.
Maybe it’s because I’m sick of watching the one hour wedding special rerun 20 times a day when I try to watch The Soup? Maybe it’s because I think their KMart clothes are ugly? Maybe it’s because I am already too invested in the Lindsay Lohan trial to sit on the jury for a Kardashian crucifixion? Or maybe I’m still cranky they split Breaking Dawn into two parts, I mean, who wouldn’t sit through a 6 hour vampire baby movie? WHY DID I EVEN BUY THESE PAJAMA JEANS!?
But hey, she made millions upon millions of dollars, so maybe she is both icky and savvy? I mean, I have a big ass, would I let the no name brother of a has been 90s pop star piss all over me on a grainy leaked sex tape and then get fake married for that much cash? Probably. I guess it depends on where the pee has to touch.
But in the end, I think the real loser here is Bruce Jenner. In that whole entire house of crazy, he was the only one who looked like he had any sense whatsoever. But instead of being all, hey um, this shit is getting bananas, he grabbed his bottle of Restylin and hitched a ride on the money train.
Congratulations, Bruce. You were an Olympian, but now all anyone is going to remember you for is being Kim Kardashian’s uncomfortable faced step-dad whose son is dating trucker hats and Avril Lavigne.