I feel like I should ask you to go to Korea with me.
Well, this sounds like it’s about to get heartfelt and romantic, go on.
It’s just that I know you are afraid to fly.
There’s lots of things I don’t like to do but do anyways, Andy. Like fellatio. The end goal is sometimes worth the hell it takes to get there. I think that’s a quote from the Bible…or Gary Busey.
The end goal of fellatio being…love?
No, you watching House Hunters International with me without complaining.
Do you want to go to Korea with me?
Are you only asking me because now you are thinking about blow jobs?
No, I am asking you because I love you and I feel like if I don’t, you’ll burn all my belongs while I am gone.
I won’t burn all your belongings, I’ll sell them. That’s just good business sense.
Right, until you realize you are afraid to have garage sales because you don’t want strangers to ask to use our bathroom.
Fine. Can you make me an eBay account before you leave?
So are you not coming with me then?
I don’t think I could stay drunk for an entire 14 hour flight. I mean I could try, but I don’t trust that I wouldn’t use the airplane phones and drunk dial all my ex-boyfriends. Is it possible you could write that off as a business expense?
Then I guess I need to stay behind to watch the kids and pack for Disney. Just be careful, and no prostitutes, our marriage vows are internationally protected by the U.N. and heavy antibiotics give me a rash.
Oh, and stay away from the border. I am not close enough with Lisa Ling that I could confidently say she would break you out of North Korea for me.
It’s probably for the best. I’d be bored all day while you worked, unless Bill Murray was there making liquor commercials, then I’d leave you.
I take it there’s a clause in our U.N. backed marriage vows?
Do you think I’m prettier than Scarlett Johansson?
I think you’re prettier than everyone.
Sounds like somebody is trying to get some fellatio without spending the next hour spooning and helping me decide which of the three Northern Italian villas I like best.
Boys hate cuddling and real estate.