And, you are like, but dude, I have travel vagina.
Which is when you have been sitting in hot airplane between two fat dudes, with your legs together too long. Plus, you didn’t wipe super well in the airplane bathroom, because if it suddenly went down, you didn’t want to die sitting on a toilet covered with other people’s pee.
But, then he does the pouty face, and you see in his eyes, after a week of running after toddlers high on Kool Aid and Nutella, he has to stick it into something, OMG NOTHING IS SAFE.
So, you get in the shower to clean up, and you realize you haven’t waxed or shaved…in a really, really long time.
And, you could ignore it, because you are exhausted, and you are looking at a good, I don’t know, 25 minutes of work? But, you already plan on only shaving below your kneecaps, so you figure, might as well tackle it now to keep you hairiness ratio in balance, and then you won’t have to pluck your eyebrows.
After a groan and a good stretch, you go at it.
In no time, the bar of soap is covered in hair.
You go through 2 razors.
Clumps of hair are stuck to your legs like fucking Big Foot.
And, you think, you gotta get through this, there is no stopping half way, and you are totally having sex today. At some point. Probably.
I mean, as long as you don’t cut anything, because band aids don’t come in that shape.
Or get razor burn.
Because then the whole thing if off limits until you get a five o’clock shadow.
Did you know it was possible to sweat in the shower?
Because you totally can.
You can also get runner’s cramps.
Clearly, I need to exercise more.
Or I could find a midget over the age of 18, with a steady hand.
God, I love tiny things.