Yes?

Ello gov’na

Um…

It’s bloody hot in this plane, no?

WTF

I don’t now, I was trying something out just there.  I feel like my inner dialogue should have an accent.  I was going for Bridget Jones.

Yeah, that definitely wasn’t Bridget Jones.

Really?  What about the second movie, the one where she gives her bra to that girl in the Thai prison.

Um, that movie sucked balls, and…no.

The Beatles?

No.  Not at all, maybe that crazy old guy who lived in a boat on the roof in Mary Poppins.

Oh!  I bloody loved that guy!

Alright stop.  Why am I here?

Oh, right, soooo…the old lady next to me?  She is a crazy pants.

Come on.  Gossip Girl is on tonight.  I don’t have time for this shit.

Dude.  She keeps feeding Gigi crackers from her purse, and complaining how the time change is making her exhausted.

This all sounds relatively harmless.

But, we’re flying from Michigan to Georgia, there isn’t even a time change!  What if she’s high?

She’s not high.

Um, old people get high all the time.  She probably gets her pot from her doctor. Lucky old people and their stupid glaucoma.

Listen, I think you’re gonna be fine here.

Really, Jesus?  Really? She is reading the Bible,  I think she has every intention on trying to bring this plane down.

She’s an old la-

OMG.  She just spit her gum out into a maxi pad wrapper.  HOW IS SHE EVEN STILL MENSTRUATING!?  Great.  Now I am picturing old lady vagina.  This is the worst day ever.

Well, thanks for that, I think I’m gonna barf.

Don’t you dare, I’m a sympathy barfer, and I totally wet myself when I puke.

Ok I gotta go.  Call me when you need me for something important.

Um, I think being on a doomed plane with an unwaxed old lady terrorist is pretty important.

I’m leaving now.

Bollocks.

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